Putting up with your mother-in-law's 'constructive criticism' might be a necessary burden at the Thanksgiving table, but it's ok to draw a line when it comes to the delivery room. Being in pain, in a vulnerable position, when pushing a human being out of your body isn't the time to tolerate your mother-in-law's 'feedback.' So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her birth plan, people were eager to help deem a verdict.
My husband (33M) and I (30F) are expecting our first baby. After weighing all of our options, my husband and I decided on a natural birth at a birthing center.
This is something I felt strongly about and although my husband was at first nervous about, but he agreed and has grown to feel more comfortable with the idea as my pregnancy has progressed.
My entire pregnancy my MIL has questioned this decision. She never fails to “gently warn” me of the risks of this decision. I continue to tell her this is what feels right to me and try to educate her on the subject, but she has held strong that she disagrees with my choice.
She has always been respectful about it, but I have grown rather irritated over the last 9 months that she will not let it go. I’ve asked my husband to talk to her about it and he has tried, but because she is doing it “out of concern” she doesn’t see that the constant conversation over my birth plan is exhausting.
I have decided that I want only my husband in the room with me when I give birth, but want to have my mom there for some time while I’m laboring, and then waiting in the waiting area to meet the baby once she is born. I would love to have my MIL to do the same, but as my due date gets closer I am leaning toward not having her.
I don’t want to be in labor hearing about how my pain could be avoided if I were in a hospital with an epidural, or any other “negative” comments about my choices during my labor/delivery.
My husband feels that if I don’t have my MIL there I should also not have my mom there and they can both just wait in the waiting area, as having my mom be able to come in while I’m in labor and not my MIL would hurt her feelings.
I don’t think I should have to not have my mom there because my MIL can’t get on board with how I am choosing to have my baby. At this point, I can go into labor any day now so I have to make a decision. WIBTA if I didn’t have my MIL in the room, but did have my mom?
NTA. You're the one in labor. What anybody else wants - including hubby - is secondary. If you want to deny MIL while live streaming the event to Eastern Europe just to spite her, that's your call. Momma gets what momma wants on this day more than any other day in her life.
Giving birth is a medical procedure, not a spectator sport.
NTA. A natural consequence of constantly undermining and critiquing someone's reasonable birthing plan is that you won't be invited to the hospital. You don't have to be 'fair,' the priority is to ensure you're safe and comfortable.
NTA. When he gives birth he can have his mother there.
NTA. The person giving birth is the person who gets to decide who is in the delivery room. Nobody has a 'right' to be present, not even the other parent. Everyone needs to realize that this is not about the baby, it's about YOU going through one of the most amazing, frightening, painful, vulnerable experiences possible. If your husband wants his mom there for his next colonoscopy, that's up to him.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this woman isn't wrong to ban her mother-in-law from the delivery room as it's a completely reasonable and normal boundary. Good luck, everyone!