Pregnant woman bans mother-in-law from delivery room, 'God was punishing me.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband I don’t want his mother in the delivery room after what she said about my infertility?"
I (28F) am currently 37 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby. My husband (30M) and I struggled with infertility for five years. We had multiple failed rounds of IVF, one miscarriage, and we had just about given up when we conceived naturally, shockingly, last summer. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster and my pregnancy has been high-risk from the start.
My MIL has never liked me. I’m not the woman she envisioned for her son, I’m a first-gen immigrant, not religious, and work full-time. Over the years, she’s made some nasty comments, but we’ve mostly grinned and bore it for the sake of peace.
When we announced the pregnancy, her response was, “Well let’s hope this one sticks.” I let it go. When I was put on bed rest at 25 weeks, she told my husband that maybe “God was punishing me for going against nature.” That one stung.
The final straw was two weeks ago. We had a small family dinner and she made a comment to me, in front of everyone, that maybe I had trouble conceiving because I “spent my 20s partying instead of preparing my body like a good wife.” I’ve never partied. I worked full-time and cared for my sick father until he passed away two years ago.
I told my husband after that I do not want her in the delivery room. Not even in the waiting room. I want peace, not judgement, during labor. He said I was “punishing her for not being perfect” and that she “deserves to meet her grandchild the moment they’re born.”
I told him this isn’t about punishment, it’s about protecting my mental state during the most vulnerable moment of my life. He’s now telling me I’m being “spiteful” and that I’ll regret excluding her. So...AITA for telling my husband his mom will not be allowed anywhere near the delivery room?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
idreaminwords said:
This issue goes way beyond her being in the delivery room. Why is your husband sitting there and allowing her to insult you like this? You have a MIL problem, but more importantly, you have a husband problem.
EBBVNC said:
NTA. And you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with your husband over how his mom gets to talk to you. Also? Keeping the peace was fine the first time. But it has taught her that she can walk all over you. Start calling her out. She won’t stop otherwise.
Lucky-Effective-1564 said:
NTA. Make sure you tell all the medical staff exactly what YOU want.
IrrelevantManatee said:
NTA. This is not a show where people get to watch and enjoy. This is a medical procedure where YOU, and only you decide who gets to be there. You need to feel supported, not watched.
theFCCgavemeHPV said:
NTA My friend, you’ve got a husband problem. He should 1) not be letting her speak to you that way, 2) shutting her tf down and defending you if she does, 3) validating your feelings and backing up your decisions. It’s his mother. This is his problem to solve. He knows you.
He knows you weren’t partying through your 20s, so why tf is he not coming to your defense at that comment? He’s going to continue to let her talk shit to your face and choose her over you if you don’t get him to see and do right by you.
That’s how your life is going to go forever and ever. He’s being a really crappy husband to you. Mama’s boy needs to grow up and be a husband (and father) first before he is his mommy’s widdle baby.
Artistic-Tough-7764 said:
Doesn't matter the reason. No is a complete sentence. NTA.
EfficientSociety73 said:
NTA. No one deserves access to your body while you give birth. Tell the hospital staff so they know she’s not allowed. And if your husband, who is the actual problem here, can’t get behind you and be supportive kick him out too.
Find someone who will support YOU not their idea of who deserves to be there for your child’s birth. MIL had her chance when she had her own children. This is yours and she needs to accept that.