For some context I (24F) have been dating my fiancé "Tod" since early 2021. He's been an amazing person since the very beginning, we met at my job where he started becoming a regular and eventually asked me out. Tod isn't a huge fan of animals, unlike me, but this was never really a problem because he got along with my dog.
I've had my dog since a little before I graduated high-school. I volunteered at a local shelter when she came in. A shy, emaciated young beagle puppy. (Nala) She wasn't doing well at the shelter, so I offered to foster her, and well, the rest is history.
I moved out of my dad's house when I turned 18, and other than some essentials, she's all I brought with me when I was thrown into adulthood. I got a cheap apartment after that and it's just been me and her ever since. I don't belive it'd be an understatement to say I love her more than anything.
Tod knew all this. Recently I found out I was pregnant. About two months along. Tod seemed to be more and more agitated with Nala since then. Even asking if I'd consider rehoming her.
I said no, and explained that I was worried about her not eating (she has some pretty bad separation anxiety) we got into a huge argument about it where he began to complain about her fur being all over and about the way she always sits by my feet when we do things...
and how I let her on all the furniture (it's my apartment I bought all the furniture?) He also went so far as to say I'd be a terrible mother and neglect our baby if I didn't get rid of her.
We went back and forth for a while and by the end of it he was just kind of really silent. I assumed that was the end and went to our bedroom to calm down a bit. Nala followed me into the room.and I sat with her on the floor for a while just sort of thinking about things. We didn't talk for the rest of the night.
The next morning I went through my routine, put Nala in her pen (Tod goes to work earlier in the morning than I do) and went to work. When I came back she was gone. Her bed was gone, her toys were gone and Tod was gone
At first I was panicking, I thought someone had stolen my Nala I searched the whole house, and then I called Tod. He didn't answer. I called maybe 15 times before I gave up. At that point I was starting to think a little more clearly, and noticed that all of her things were missing.
Her toys, her treats, her pen, her leashes, even her box of winter things that sits on my bookshelf. Then I was angry. Tod is the only person who has a set of keys to my apartment other than me and my landlord (and my landlord adores Nala) I angrily texted Tod a paragraph demanding my dog back or I'd call the police and began calling shelters to see if I could find her. I had no luck.
Tod read the message but didn't reply, only to come home about an hour later angrily shouting at me as soon as he came in This quickly led to another screaming match where he broke one of my picture frames and I threatened to call off the wedding and still call the police.
I eventually managed to find out he'd given my dog to his cousin who lives IN ANOTHER STATE He brought up again how I'd be a terrible mother and how he needed to do this "For our family." And thay I was only being difficult because I'm pregnant. I told him that he no longer had a family and to get out of my apartment.
That was two days ago. I've been crying ever since and I'm working on getting his cousin to give me my Nala back. I blocked Tod on everything but now his family won't stop harassing me on everything, and his mother is threatening to sue me for the money they put into the wedding (there's still time for them to get a refund, they only paid for catering) I'm really upset right now, but AMTAH for how I reacted?
I should have specified, but I wrote this while I was worked up, but I did file a police report. They're aren't being too helpful atm but they said they would try to contact departments in the other state.
NTA, file a police report against Tod, and that should help you get Nala back. I hope you and her are reunited soon! Block his psycho family except the cousin, and definitely change the locks!
NTA. The controlling behavior and the emotional abuse is the problem. If it wasn’t the dog it would be something else. Hope you’re able to get your dog back.
Absolutely not TAH. But honestly, even if the dog wasn't a part of the story, I'd be ditching the guy because he's an unsupportive, mean AH. Saying you'd be a bad mom is an AH move.
Nta. His and his family's lives would all be on fire until I got my dog back. I'd take the wedding money and hire the meanest bounty hunter to go get my dog.
Let the cousin know that you filed a police report for Tod stealing the dog and your next step will be to contact the police is his city for receiving stolen property. Make a list of everything Tod stole along with the dog-- with replacement value since that might bump the theft to a felony. CHANGE YOUR LOCKS ASAP.
NTA this is the creulest thing. You can’t marry him. This is just the beginning.
CALL THE POLICE NOW! As far as the law is concerned, your property was stolen, and you know who is guilty of the theft and of receiving the stolen property! PRESS CHARGES AGAINST BOTH OF THEM NOW!!!
I know you love Nala. But from strictly legal sense, Nala is property. And that is how you get her back. You need to immediately go file a police report. If you know where cousin is at in another state, you ask if they can please forward the police report to the police in the city, where this cousin is at. and you ask if they can request a visit to the home where the cousin is at with Nala.
Now we all know place partners are short staffed, and they may not be able to do this. But you need to at least ask. Because if you don’t request anything, you will get nothing. And obviously, you trying to do this on your own is not working.
And you absolutely file a report with your police department, especially if you have text her anything admitting that he did it, because they will go pay a visit to your ex.
This is straight up theft. I understand how upset you are, but you need to step back a second to take the emotion out of this because that’s the only way you’re going to get anywhere with this.
That is one of the hardest things to do in the situation, but you have to do that. You can have your break down later. You can cry later. But you have to concentrate on getting her back now.
Thanks alot, alot of the advice is super helpful. I'm talking to the police and to Tod's cousin,but I also did reach out to his family. Aparently Tod had told them that I was a scammer??? That I'd taken the money for the wedding and was planning to divorce him for his money afterward?
He also claimed that I was neglecting my dog and that's why he had to give her away- she's super nervous when I'm not around, so I'm worried they might believe him. I did send his parents a nice lengthy set of screens hits of all the vile things he's texted me, and a few voice-mail recording
His mother apologized and claimed she'd "handle him" I've always been pretty close with his family so I was also pretty upset with they way they reacted after I called off the engagement.
Now I understand why. I'm changing all my lock, and I already have a ring doorbell on my apartment, and am going to get more cameras. I do hear you though. I'm honestly not sure I wasn't to bring a baby into this clusterfunk. Thanks again and I'll update you once I've got my furbaby back and his life is fecking over