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Pregnant woman FLIPS OUT on BF over bananas; BF responds with bizarre reply when he finds the post. AITA? UPDATED

Pregnant woman FLIPS OUT on BF over bananas; BF responds with bizarre reply when he finds the post. AITA? UPDATED


When this pregnant woman loses it on her BF, she asks the internet:

"I'm pregnant and flipped out at my BF over bananas. AITA?"

I (25f) recently found out I was pregnant with my partner Lyle's (26m) baby. We've been together for three years and we live together.

Lyle has ADHD, which he refuses to get treatment or medication for. He's pretty normal about 85% of the time, so I haven't really pushed it. One thing that really affects him though is sensory problems. He has a few, but the biggest one is bananas.

He cannot stand the smell of a banana or the taste of banana. He's accidentally eaten something with banana before and ran to the bathroom like a child to throw it up. If we are somewhere and someone is eating a banana, he will claim that he can smell it in the room and make us move with the threat that he will get sick.

If we don't move, he will start gagging, make himself throw up, and I've seen him start shaking too. This has happened in public before and its extremely embarrassing.

Anyway, let me tell you what happened. I was really tired, pregnant, and hormonal yesterday and while I was watching my show I had a craving for a banana, which I normally avoid when around Lyle, but pregnancy cravings are just too strong to resist.

He was going to get groceries from work, so I called and asked him to get me some bananas because I was having a craving.

He started begging me before he even got them to not eat them in the house, and I just got fed up and told him no, that I was carrying around his child, and the least he could do about it since he's not the one having to nurture the damn thing in his stomach was get me a banana.

I'd read online that this was probably the baby's way of telling me its deficient in potassium, and that all I could really stand to eat at this point was the damn banana, and I don't want to deprive it of what it needs.

He argued back and forth asking me to go eat it outside at least, and out of frustration I just started crying, which made me feel embarrassed. He finally gave in to calm me down and brought it home.

I'll admit, I was still really mad and upset from our argument on the phone when he came home, and I in that moment couldn't face getting up and going to the kitchen. When he came into the living room and sat on the couch, I asked him to peel it, cut it, and bring it to me.

I really didn't think that was a big deal, but he blew up at me and told me that I "knew" it made him "sick" to even smell or touch. I told him that plenty of people have foods they don't like, and he either needs to grow up or seek help for his illness because...

he's acting like a child and his problem with bananas is completely abnormal. We argued a bit more, and he finally got up, yelled that he was "tired of my bullshit", and left the house. He hasn't been back yet. AITA?

Before we give you OP's BF's response, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

hoolidgan6 writes:

YTA you left out a lot of info and this is really petty. He is learning to adapt and be successful. ADHD doesn't always have to controlled with meds. Trying to trick him into eating bananas in smoothies is wrong.

People tried to do that to me with eggs and I could tell they were there. ADHD doesn't spread but it can be hereditary.

OG comment: E S H. He for the obvious not getting help for his issues or at least learning to cope with people eating bananas.

I do get it because I'm the same way with eggs but I can cook, smell, and if I bite into something that has them in it not have a total melt down. I just spit it out and don't eat the rest. You though for the petty bit at the end about asking him to peel and cut your banana.

grave writes:

ESH. Why did you need him to peel it, slice it, and carry it to you? Even if you're bedridden, there's no rules about peeling bananas, to the best of my awareness. It's not a strenuous activity, and that's how most people eat them.

Why wouldn't you be okay with him handing you the bananas and retreating to another room until you were done and had secured your leftovers (the skin), even if that's just tying it up in a bag.

On his part, if he's diagnosed with conditions that often have sensory issues, why is he not in treatment or trying to manage it, especially with a kid on the way?

I think you both need to start putting the shiny new human that you've created first.

cutetax writes:

ESH - Bf for low key throwing a tantrum about op eating a banana and op for making bf prepare a food she knows he can’t stand for her. Also it sounds more like bf is on the autism spectrum rather than having ADHD. Sensory aversions are fairly common in people who are on the spectrum, so op could definitely try to be a little more understanding.

whyper writes:

ESH. I agree with everyone that you were being childish and making him cut it was a step too far. That said, he does ALSO suck for whining about it. I don’t like bacon and can’t be around the smell without gagging, yknow what I do when my friends are cooking some?

Find an excuse to be across the room because it’s a me problem. I don’t make them not eat bacon or eat it outside that’s ridiculous and would show my friends I didn’t respect them. (Many of them don’t cook bacon around me out of respect also but if they forget like… it’s not their problem it’s mine).

turtleloark writes:

NTA for wanting a banana and expecting him to let you have them YTA for expecting him to peel it when you knew the texture and smell would get to him. That was messed up OP And he's the AH for not getting treatment to help him with his issues. He's gonna be a father. Babies are messy and he's gonna have issues and needs to work past them.

cross7 writes:

I’m gonna be down voted but ESH. First part is purely out of ignorance because I don’t know how bananas affect the ADHD crowd being a banana lover myself. It would be wasteful to not pick up the one thing your partner is craving while already in a place that sells the food item.

Could the pregnant partner just get in the car themselves to drive to the store and get the whatever they’re craving? Or instacart it? Well yeah. But the added and unnecessary fees add up that could go towards baby things for those on a budget.

And pregnancy is no excuse to be an AH. If the OP recently found out she’s expecting then she can’t be too far along to be incapacitated. She should have just been appreciative that her partner overcame his discomfort to get her craving food item and ate it in another room.

No where in the post does it say that he inconvenienced others with his banana aversion he removes himself from the situation so the only person with the issue is OP.

tippo writes:

You had me until you asked him to peel it and serve it to you. YTA for that. He is very dramatic, but you can get up off of your butt and go get your own banana. This is coming from a former pregnant lady who has ADHD, so I can speak from personal experience on both conditions.

You were being petty or lazy (maybe a little bit of both) - you knew that he is ridiculous about his aversion to bananas, fought with him to get him to purchase some for you (which is ridiculous on his end), and then you try to get him to peel it, cut it up and bring it to you….

Were you looking to continue your fight/have a new banana related thing to fight about? You couldn’t “face getting up and going into the kitchen”.., you are as dramatic as he is.

I get him yelling that he was tired of your bullshit, just like I would get it if you yelled that you were tired of his bullshit. There is no way you didn’t know that your request was going to set him off and you intentionally did it anyway.

You got him to bring the bananas home - get off of your ass and go get it yourself. Honestly, you are both the assholes (and childish) in this situation. I sincerely hope that you both grow the hell up before you give birth.

And now, OP's Boyfriend's response after finding the post:

Hey guys, its Kyle here, Jessica's boyfriend. Yes, she literally changed my name from "Kyle" to "Lyle" and thought that was good enough. One of her friends sent me this and I want to set the record straight because I am beyond pissed off.

First of all, I want to address this "refused to get treatment or medication" bullshit. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a fg child. It took until college to realize I needed to adapt things to how my brain worked rather than slap a medication over it and try to pretend I'm neurotypical. I adapt well in life.

I graduated on the dean's list in college and I'm doing well at my dream job and thriving as a ND person. Do I still forget about the laundry sometimes, or have a hard time focusing on certain thigns, especially when I'm tired? Yes, and it pisses Jess off. Does mean I have "issues"? F no.

This medication bs started almost immediately after we found out Jess was pregnant like a month ago. It wasn't approached like "hey Kyle, I notice xyz that seems to be hard for you, I think you need help with that".

I was instead first asked if my ADHD was going to "spread to the baby" (literally "spread" was used), and second told that I should probably "take this as a chance to get it under control", because she "didn't want the baby to grow up dealing with any problems".

Now let's get to the sensory aversions. I have been through therapy to manage it (I can now, after years, touch paper towels without my gums hurting), but bananas I just cannot deal with.

People who aren't ND and don't deal with sensory aversions don't understand that it is literally physically painful in many cases, and genuinely makes me sick. I don't "make myself throw up".

My body naturally reacts like that. Jess has told me many times how embarrassed she is by it and how it affects her, and her solution is exposure therapy. What she doesn't realize is that's essentially the same thing as torture to me.

There are some cases (like the paper towels) where I've realized its just a little too common, but bananas are not common enough for me to sit there and torture myself just to make her feel less embarrassed next time she wants me to try a smoothie her sister makes and lie about the ingredients.

Finally, other details I think are important. I'm just going to bullet these because I'm going to write too much otherwise.

Jess was binge watching a show on Netflix and wanted me to bring her a banana while she watched the show on the couch. We are in a 1 bedroom apartment and the smell would probably be there at least for a day.

We had gotten in an argument about my ADHD and me not having meds (see p.2 and 3) the day before, so this didn't seem like a sudden craving but more a cruel jab since it was still tense.

The pregnancy wasn't planned, and no, random commenter, I didn't fucking rape her. She was on birth control and it failed.

She wasn't "too sick" to get up. She was too lazy, and pissed, and told me to go cut it for her "because I just want to watch my show in peace".

⁠I'll admit, I snapped when she insisted I cut the banana, and do "just this one thing for our child to show I care", as if she didn't go out and quit her job pretty much immediately without even telling me, and I'm now dealing with all the household expenses while she shops.

I've also been caring for most of the house, because she's already claimed being "too pregnant" from morning sickness. So yes, I was fed up with her bullshit.

ADHD is not an "issue". It just means my brain works a little different. I'm so tired of the ablelist bullshit that's come from nowhere. Tl;dr: Get over yourself.

To people without ADHD, "treatment" means I sit in a room where they make me touch a banana and then we talk about it for 30 minutes and then they stone me on some Bennies till I can't walk straight.

ADHD treatment really looks like talking to a specialist, figuring out how to adapt and be productive, and then applying those skills long-term. I see my PCP once a year and that's about it right now, but I've been doing well.

Unfortunately, there's nothing that'll ever really fix the banana problem, nor is there really a "need" to suck it up and try to work through it like with some other aversions.

Literally everything was fine and Jess wasn't like this until she got pregnant and suddenly did a 180 on the personality. Its been a month and its just gone downhill. She wanted to keep the kid and what can I fg do about that? Regardless, I think I'll be leaving.

What do YOU make of this story? Is OP TA here? Any advice?

Sources: Reddit
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