Pregnant woman is FRANK about baby shower gifts, 'stick to the registry.' AITA?
"AITA for asking people to stick to the registry and being frank about it?"
So I (30f) am pregnant with our first. There are a lot of things we need but one thing I am giving free rein over is the clothes. We’re not asking for clothes, but if they see an outfit they want to get for baby to feel free to buy it and attached a guide of the season and what size baby will be.
So if they’d see a summer outfit to buy clothes to 12-18 months instead of 6-9, but emphasized we REALLY needed stuff from the registry. Anyway, this is where my mother called me the AH. I’ve discouraged (her friends in particular) from straying from the registry.
During my wedding they got us items that we ended up regifting or donating. Mostly it was because the items they got us we already had or had gotten. Example: we asked for new towels in dark blue and we asked for enough so we could donate our old ones to the animal shelter. We got the ones we asked for, but then her friend got us two sets of expensive wine colored towels.
We donated them to a homeless shelter because 1) they didn’t match with our color scheme and 2) it made me feel good knowing someone else who would value them more got them for free. I still sent her friend a thank you note, because she still spent money on a gift.
Anyway, recently my mom informed me that a friend was printing something for our nursery and I told her to basically shut it down because we already have the baby’s decor picked out (and mostly bought) and think of this being something that is about a 2x2 sign that would be over the crib. It didn’t even go with our theme at all.
My mom’s argument is that you can’t tell people to stick to the registry. I agree but I can be frank and tell them that we don’t have a use for it. So AITA if I tell her friends directly “hey, now that our nursery is fully decorated, we are asking guests if they would like to get us anything to please stick to the registry and clothing guide.”
EDIT:
1. Our theme was a woodland fairy theme and the sign is a picture of that coco melon baby with the baby’s name.
2. We’ve already mentioned on our shower invites to not feel inclined to get a gift but if they would like to, to please refer to our registry at _____. Most of our big ticket items are already bought.
3: the sign’s design was sent today and I had my mom’s phone and saw it. She has not made it. The purpose of telling her friend is to primarily avoid the conflict of when pictures of the nursery are shown and the sign isn’t up there.
4. I’ll be postpartum by then and don’t want to deal with being nagged about it putting it up. The sign has not been printed. I’m not sure if she’s using her cricket or getting it professionally printed but either way since it’s a custom sign, that is why I said she’s making it or it’s homemade.
OP included links here:
the idea similar to our nursery
closest thing to the sign I could find
Here's what people had to say about this one:
meadowlark227 said:
Setting a boundary is not ahole behavior. You aren't DEMANDING gifts. You are asking that, if someone should like to get you a gift, that they honor what you personally will use and enjoy. This is an invitation for people to honor you and your baby, not make your baby about themselves. As long as you are being kind but firm, then NTA.
Edited to add: the entitlement of making you a "surprise" gift that brings the EXPECTATION that you will PUT IT OVER THE CRIB is unbelievable. If someone wants to make you something hand made then I guess they can, but it needs to have zero strings attached.
Deciding unilaterally to decorate someone else's baby room, that will be enforceable due to guilt of "I made that for you, so if you don't put it up, you are disrespecting me," is unfathomable to me.
QueenIgelkotte said:
NTA. You aren't demanding anything just asking people to not waste time, energy, and money on stuff you wont keep or use. You are being nice.
hatterson said:
NTA. The entire point of a registry is so that people can buy you stuff that's useful to you. The only way you'd be an A H for telling people they should stick to a registry is if everything was insanely expensive on it.
archetyping101 said:
NTA. No one wants crap they don't want, to put it bluntly. The registry exists for people to get you exactly what you and the baby want or need. Going outside of it is a crapshoot. I LOVE registries: click click and done. If they ask, mention it to the mom's friends. If they don't, it sounds rude making that comment out of the blue.
LaceyClean said:
You’re NTA for wanting practical gifts you’ll actually use. It’s fair to ask guests to stick to the registry so your nursery actually matches.
Famous-Ice6175 said:
YTA. A gift is something someone gives out of the kindness of their heart, they are not required to get you anything. So maybe try being grateful?
shushupbuttercup said:
NTA. I know I'll get blasted for being ungrateful, but gift-giving situations drive me NUTS. Someone sees a "thoughtful" gift, but I see an item I now have to deal with. Unused stuff takes up space, is wasteful (to giver , to my space and time, to the environment at large). There is pressure in receiving gifts - ESPECIALLY handmade ones.
Sometimes thoughtful gifts are just items that the person wanted to buy, not actually useful or wanted. Is it actually thoughtful? Sometimes thoughtful gifts are painstakingly handmade and truly wonderful, priceless heirlooms.
To me something like a crocheted blanket doesn't have to have the right colors. It's woven with love and can become a multi-generational treasure. Laser-printed plastic wall hangings? Not quite as special.
Graciously accept the handmade item. If it doesn't fit the decor now, put it in the closet. There's a strong chance your toddler will love it. The years pass quick and your perfect newborn decor will morph into inelegant, exuberant kid stuff. As for the off-registry stuff you truly don't want or need, find a woman's shelter or something.