Pregnant woman gives MIL ultimatum: 'you won't see the baby for another week each time you ask her name.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for telling my mother-in-law if she keeps asking about our baby' name she won’t see her for an additional week every time she’s asks?"

I (21f) am currently 39 weeks pregnant, due next Thursday. Over the course of my pregnancy I have had several issues with my MIL the two biggest being her wanting to be in the delivery room when I give birth even though I have made it clear since the beginning the only person I want there is my husband.

It got to the point where I decided I didn’t want any visitors at the hospital not even my parents because she threw a fit about them coming after baby was born. However, the biggest issue has been her wanting to know the babies name.

Baby is going to be named after my grandfather who I have been extremely close to my entire life, because of this we decided to keep it a secret so it could be a surprise to him once she is born.

My MIL even went as far as snooping through my hospital bag to try and find ether the sweater or the welcome to world sign that has her name on it luckily I caught her before she found them. Yesterday she called my husband again asking why she can’t know the name even going as far saying“ what if something happens to me and I never get to know my babies name"...

...For reference, she is in good health and dose not work a dangerous job. After my husband informed me of this conversation I called my MIL and told her as of now she will not meet the baby for at least 3 weeks after she is born, and each time she asks about the name after this point will be an additional week, she will not meet her.

She says I am being cruel and denying her “ her baby," so AITA for telling my MIL if she continues to ask about my babies name I will not allow her to meet the baby for another week?

UPDATE:

First to answer some questions. This is my MIL’s forth grandchild however they do not see the other 3 but maybe three or four times a year I am not sure why my BIL and SIL live about four hours away and do not allow the kids to come down here.

Second my husband dose support my decision however he struggles a lot with setting boundaries with his family he was raised with the “they are blood so their actions are ok” mentality.

This is something we are working on and yes his family not just his parents take full advantage of him he is a teddy bear and this is not the first time since we have been together that a family member has ran right over him. He did end up cutting the other family member off but I don’t see him doing that to his mother.

On to the update, after waking up this morning and reading all your comment I sat down with my husband and showed him this post after he read all the comments something clicked in his head he agreed this behavior is not ok and apologized for not being firmer with his mother.

We have decided we will not be telling anyone when I go into labor except for a trusted friend who will be taking care of our dogs and horses and will inform my L/D team no one is to come in under any circumstances. He also sent his mom the following message. “Mom after the conversation we had yesterday your behavior has gotten out of hand, while I understand you are excited to meet OUR baby..."

"...Your actions have shown we cannot trust you around her until we receive an apology and see your actions have changed you will not be meeting her. And from this point on wifey will not be communicating with you if you have anything else to say you will say it to me and me only."

I am very proud of him for standing up for his family we will see how things progress but at this point I am checking out and focusing on myself and baby. Thanks everyone for the support and advice.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

dryadduinath said:

NTA. It’s not her baby, she has no rights to your child, and her behavior is so entitled I think enforcing boundaries now is the best thing you can do. Stay strong and hope she learns something about not throwing tantrums and looking through people’s things from this. Otherwise you’re in for a rough twenty years.

daydreamer19861986 said:

NTA, you are very good with boundaries, actually! People who can't respect boundaries will always tell you that you are cruel for setting boundaries and this is exactly what she is doing.

Some comments stated that she is just being annoying, no she isn't just being annoying she is a person who doesn't have any respect for other people's boundaries and thinks that the world revolves around her. Best of luck to you because she is going to continue being a nightmare probably.

Waste-Phase-2857 said:

This is why we didn't find out the babies gender or told anyone my expected due date. Living across the country from everyone also helped...NTA! And if she keeps calling it "her" baby add TWO more weeks for every time.

Phantasmal said:

NTA. You need to speak with your OB about this as well as inform the L&D team at your hospital. They can, and will, protect you and your privacy while you are in their care. If you tell them no visitors and that your MiL is being invasive and overbearing, even if your husband tries to bring her in, they will keep her out.

Also, nothing you do will keep the peace. So if you want your parents to visit you in the hospital, then do that. You're getting harassed by MiL anyway. Might as well have your family by your side.

KingsRansom79 said:

NTA. Don’t tell her when you go into labor. Put her on the do not allow entry list at the hospital. Put your phones on airplane mode when you go to deliver baby.

Quiet_Moon2191 said:

NTA. You need to make sure the hospital is aware that only your husband is allowed to visit and that no one else is allowed in the delivery room. Make sure they have notified security. Also if MIL has a key to your house, change the locks and get cameras. She has already shown she doesn’t respect your boundaries and has no problem overstepping.

whenwillitbenow said:

NTA. Stand your ground. If you give in to this it will be a lifetime of her nagging until she gets what she wants. Teach her now that you have boundaries and that you will enforce them