Pregnant woman lies to her family about the gender of her baby. AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for lying to my family about the gender of my baby?"

I am 11 weeks pregnant with our third child. We have two boys already (2 and 4). Both sides of grandparents don’t know we are pregnant yet, and we found out today that our third will be a GIRL (via MIPT testing which is over 99% accurate)! This would be very exciting for both sets of grandparents BUT we are considering telling them all that we are pregnant with our third boy instead. The reasons are:

My MIL literally yelled “NOOOOOOOOO” when we told her the gender of our second boy (having kept the first a secret). She has also told me multiple times I need to give her a granddaughter and thus far I’ve told her she gets what she gets and doesn’t get upset, and that if she wanted a girl she should have had it instead of just having one boy (my husband).

We know that MIL will start sending clothes (she lives in a different country to us) as soon as she finds out (she even sent girls clothing hopefully for our first not knowing he was a boy), and we are conscious of how our two boys will feel about things arriving for the new baby and not them - the sending wouldn’t be as extreme for a third boy as we already have lots of boy stuff.

I want to avoid the drama and upset of MIL treats unborn baby girl more favorably than she did my boys (she already shows extreme favoritism to her favorite niece over other girls and boys in the family and sees nothing wrong with it.

We want to avoid MIL coming to our country for the birth (she came a few months later for our boys) as we want to get settled and think if it’s a girl she will want to come ASAP.

Our eldest was born “code blue” and required resuscitation, and before him, we had a miscarriage, and I’m worried about the added pressure on me to birth the first granddaughter from our parents. We think it would be really exciting once born if she’s a big surprise for both sides as she will be the first granddaughter on both sides

We can’t say we don’t know because we are both type A and they know we would know and we did with the first two too. We are worried though by telling our parents she’s a boy, when she isn’t, that they will buy gendered clothing though, or that they will be mad at us for lying for 6 months. Is this going to backfire on us? Would we be the aholes? Any advice would be appreciated.

UPDATE:

We have agreed hubby is not allowed to “surprise” his mum. We will be saying we don’t know, and addressing any hopes for a girl with a request to stop pressuring us to have a girl and that we better not witness any gender disappointment if it’s a boy, and if it’s a girl, we better not see a different reaction or treatment than to the boys- ever.

This message will be consistently delivered. Everyone worrying about trauma to our boys, we are very good in addressing behaviours and setting boundaries with anyone in contact with our kids, and will set clear expectations and boundaries on the first phone call once she’s born.

These will be strictly enforced. Thanks for your concern and input. I do think maybe I worded this post a bit more seriously than it would have been. The parents would have been like “you sneaky rats” and been happy but I don’t want them to spread the lie wider.

So we will just share the unbelievable lie instead and try to throw them off every chance we get. We were also very shocked at how many people said we were lying about knowing the gender so early. We are very lucky to live in a country with affordable and accessible healthcare and feel so grateful that NIPT is so available to us. Thanks again all, especially those who stayed kind.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

DragonCelica said:

One way or another, you're going to have to deal with your MIL's behavior. Lying now is just putting off the inevitable (I understand why you want to though). Healthy boundaries need to be discussed. You need to get on the same page with your husband and figure out how you're going to tackle this issue long-term. Dealing with this right after giving birth sounds like a nightmare.

rasputin273 said:

YTA for wanting to start your kids life with a big and straight lie and think lying is a good solution. Just tell them you don't want to do say. Or at least tell them you don't know. Even if it is a lie it wouldn't cause the hurt a lie about the gender would.

EkorrenHJ said:

You seem immature, tbh. Learn to communicate like an adult instead of going "it was just a prank bro."

No_Noise_5733 said:

Tell her you are keeping it a surprise for the birth and don't want to know.

Obvious-Fig-1256 said:

YTA. Lying is just a silly approach. Tell them you're keeping the baby's gender a secret this time. You're adults - no need to play games over it.

AnnieJack said:

YTA if you lie about the gender. NTA if you say (lie) you're not finding out until your child is born.

Delicious-Mix-9180 said:

NTA but don’t lie. Tell everyone it’s a surprise and let it go at that.