Pregnant woman plans to go no contact with parents, 'my mom refuses to take care of me after I give birth.' AITA?
"WIBTAH if I disown my parents after my mom refused to take care of me after I give birth?"
So I (28F) am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child and am about to move to another state, and mom has this thing where she takes care of my siblings when they give birth until they recover.
She has done it for my older sister and my brother's wife so I thought that she would do the same thing with me too but a week ago she told me that she couldn't because it is too far away. We got into a fight about the whole thing, and I told her to get out of my house, and now we are not talking.
Before you judge me and say that my mom isn't obligated to take care of me, I will tell you that it isn't about mom taking care of me. It was never about that. I am that one child in the family who nobody really cares about.
My parents always claim that they love and treat us all equally, but man, is it obvious that they love me a little bit less than the others. I always thought that maybe I am adopted and that's why they don't care about me that much. Well, I am wrong because I am 100% theirs.
It is always about how my other siblings are doing or how mom and dad are suffering but it is never about me...it was never about me from the beginning. I am rarely celebrated even if it is supposed to be my day. My Birthdays?
They rarely celebrated because mom and dad forgot, or they just threw everything in the house and called it a birthday. High-school Graduation party? Nope, my parents have already wasted a lot of money for my big brother's college graduation party, so they can't do that, but "they will make sure to make it up to me."
Do you think that ever happened? I will give you a minute or two. If you guessed no, then congrats, you guessed right! Yay!. They shared the wedding expenses of my sibling's wedding, "but since my husband came from a good family, they don't have to share wedding expenses," not my words.
I have always been the therapist who listens to my mom and dad's rough day or the one who needs to help mom because my older siblings have a lot of school work to do or because my younger siblings are too young to do that kind of work.
They always tell me that I am a good daughter but I am never the one who they brag about to their friends. I did everything in my power to make them proud, but my achievements will always be below my siblings.
I have tried to talk to them about how I feel multiple times before but the only thing I get is a hard scolding about how I was getting spoiled. I hated my life until I got out of that house, but I never had the courage to let go of them, thinking that they would change.
Well,l my mom just proved me wrong, mind you that my older sister lives a whole ass ocean away from u,s but mom decided that taking a 10+ hour flight to another continent TWICE was not hard at all,l but all of a sudden, taking a 4-hour ride to my home was too much? Especially when I am in a place where I don't know anyone except my husband? I am so tired of them putting everyone else above me.
So, I will make things right between us until I leave because I don't want to end things on a bad note, and when I get to my new house, I will just cut all contact between us.
I don't think that I have the energy to do all of this crap anymore and besides, I have my lovely husband with me so I will be alright and build myself a new family where I am truly appreciated and loved for who I am. Note: I am the 3rd out of 5 children. My younger siblings are twins.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
adobeacrobatreader said:
NTA. Tell her you can't keep in touch, it is too far away.
NanaLeonie said:
NTA. Yes, I agree with you. Make nice with your mom while you’re visiting this time and minimize contact when you get back to your own home. It could be that your mother wants you to beg and plead (“Oh mommie, pretty please, come help me, I neeeeed you”) but my reaction is “Eff that game playing.” Put your energy on your husband and build a new support network where y’all live now.
YaddaBoomBadda said
NTA It sounds like your parents have taken you for granted, and now they're doing the same thing to your child? No. Stand proud of your decision. The people you allow in your child's life should be people who value them.
greenglossygalaxy said:
NTA. They’ve shown you what kind of parents they are, and also how they value you compared to your siblings. I personally wouldn’t want this kind of behaviour to work its way down to my child, and having them overlooked compared to their cousins. Save yourself the hurt and focus on yourself and your pregnancy.
tangybean54 said:
NTA. Have you asked your mom whether she dislikes staying at your house? Becoming an adult doesn't mean you don't need love and attention. Typical middle child problem.
CuriousLope said:
NTA. Just cut contact, don't give a explanation, dont give nothing, just stop talking to them. You dont have to give them closure or be in a good note, they don't deserve it.
Fernandadds said:
NTA but I never understand why do children think their parents might change. People don’t change, parents included. It’s healthier to cut ties and heal. Or acept who they are and be there when you feel like being there. But you can’t have it your way, life doesn’t work that way.