Pregnant woman plans to go no contact with parents, 'my mom refuses to take care of me after I give birth.' AITA? UPDATED

"WIBTAH if I disown my parents after my mom refused to take care of me after I give birth?"

So I (28F) am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child and am about to move to another state, and mom has this thing where she takes care of my siblings when they give birth until they recover.

She has done it for my older sister and my brother's wife so I thought that she would do the same thing with me too but a week ago she told me that she couldn't because it is too far away. We got into a fight about the whole thing, and I told her to get out of my house, and now we are not talking.

Before you judge me and say that my mom isn't obligated to take care of me, I will tell you that it isn't about mom taking care of me. It was never about that. I am that one child in the family who nobody really cares about.

My parents always claim that they love and treat us all equally, but man, is it obvious that they love me a little bit less than the others. I always thought that maybe I am adopted and that's why they don't care about me that much. Well, I am wrong because I am 100% theirs.

It is always about how my other siblings are doing or how mom and dad are suffering but it is never about me...it was never about me from the beginning. I am rarely celebrated even if it is supposed to be my day. My Birthdays?

They rarely celebrated because mom and dad forgot, or they just threw everything in the house and called it a birthday. High-school Graduation party? Nope, my parents have already wasted a lot of money for my big brother's college graduation party, so they can't do that, but "they will make sure to make it up to me."

Do you think that ever happened? I will give you a minute or two. If you guessed no, then congrats, you guessed right! Yay!. They shared the wedding expenses of my sibling's wedding, "but since my husband came from a good family, they don't have to share wedding expenses," not my words.

I have always been the therapist who listens to my mom and dad's rough day or the one who needs to help mom because my older siblings have a lot of school work to do or because my younger siblings are too young to do that kind of work.

They always tell me that I am a good daughter but I am never the one who they brag about to their friends. I did everything in my power to make them proud, but my achievements will always be below my siblings.

I have tried to talk to them about how I feel multiple times before but the only thing I get is a hard scolding about how I was getting spoiled. I hated my life until I got out of that house, but I never had the courage to let go of them, thinking that they would change.

Well,l my mom just proved me wrong, mind you that my older sister lives a whole ass ocean away from u,s but mom decided that taking a 10+ hour flight to another continent TWICE was not hard at all,l but all of a sudden, taking a 4-hour ride to my home was too much? Especially when I am in a place where I don't know anyone except my husband? I am so tired of them putting everyone else above me.

So, I will make things right between us until I leave because I don't want to end things on a bad note, and when I get to my new house, I will just cut all contact between us.

I don't think that I have the energy to do all of this crap anymore and besides, I have my lovely husband with me so I will be alright and build myself a new family where I am truly appreciated and loved for who I am. Note: I am the 3rd out of 5 children. My younger siblings are twins.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

adobeacrobatreader said:

NTA. Tell her you can't keep in touch, it is too far away.

NanaLeonie said:

NTA. Yes, I agree with you. Make nice with your mom while you’re visiting this time and minimize contact when you get back to your own home. It could be that your mother wants you to beg and plead (“Oh mommie, pretty please, come help me, I neeeeed you”) but my reaction is “Eff that game playing.” Put your energy on your husband and build a new support network where y’all live now.

YaddaBoomBadda said

NTA It sounds like your parents have taken you for granted, and now they're doing the same thing to your child? No. Stand proud of your decision. The people you allow in your child's life should be people who value them.

greenglossygalaxy said:

NTA. They’ve shown you what kind of parents they are, and also how they value you compared to your siblings. I personally wouldn’t want this kind of behaviour to work its way down to my child, and having them overlooked compared to their cousins. Save yourself the hurt and focus on yourself and your pregnancy.

tangybean54 said:

NTA. Have you asked your mom whether she dislikes staying at your house? Becoming an adult doesn't mean you don't need love and attention. Typical middle child problem.

CuriousLope said:

NTA. Just cut contact, don't give a explanation, dont give nothing, just stop talking to them. You dont have to give them closure or be in a good note, they don't deserve it.

Fernandadds said:

NTA but I never understand why do children think their parents might change. People don’t change, parents included. It’s healthier to cut ties and heal. Or acept who they are and be there when you feel like being there. But you can’t have it your way, life doesn’t work that way.

UPDATE:

A lot has happened since my last post. I tried to call my parents but they blocked and i couldn't reach them but i was determined on getting the closure that the younger version of me wanted. So I called my older brother and I asked him if we could meet up and talk about the situation, he told me that he won't meet up with me after what I've done to our mother and he berated me saying that I was an ungrateful person and that mom is in a lot of stress and pain because of me.

I told him that it wasn't fair for him to just assume that I was the villain and that he couldn't even understand my point of view because they didn't treat him like they treated me my whole life, he knew that they treated me like their personal chef, maid and therapist for years but they couldn't even give me the love and attention that I wanted for once in my whole damn life...

He basically screamed at me through the phone that I was a piece of trash for saying that and that mom and dad treated us all equally but I was just a "damn narcissist who can't think about anyone but myself." I tried to talk but my emotions got the better of him and I started breaking down on the phone and he hung up on me.

I even started asking myself if I was really the narcissist that my family seemed to think of me. But my husband came to the rescue and helped me through all of this but the doubt that maybe i was in the wrong still lingeredin my head. I guess my brother told my parents that I called him because dad called about 2 days after that and asked me to meet up at their house

. I was about to say no but I couldn't because his voice was filled with remorse so I thought that maybe just maybe we could get past the whole thing and I could drop the thought of cutting contact even if my mom doesn't want to help out.

After like 3 days of talking to my dad me and my husband went to their house to talk. I thought that it was going to be me, my husband and my parents talking but they invited my brother and his wife.

As soon as we sat my dad started talking about how disappointed he was with ME and that things shouldn't have led to this. I told him that he was right things shouldn't have escalated to be where they are now but I assumed that since mom helped take care of my sister and my brother's wife she would do the same but she just favored everyone else above me and it was frustrating.

I told them about how I felt for the past years and I told them everything that I said to you guys. But all of them acted like they didn't care which honestly hurt like hell. I knew at that moment that I didn't mean anything to them so why was I fighting to be a part of a family that didn't want me.

My husband was going to speak but I told him not to. Everyone gave their opinions about it basically blaming me and then dad asked me if I wanted to say anything to mom. I told her that I was sorry because I didn't want any type of bad blood between us before I close this chapter and move on with my life but she didn't say anything back and dad said that we needed some time cooling off and setting some boundaries and I guess that was it between us.

In the next 2 week we were packing and leaving the state. I didn't tell anyone about where my new house will be. Only once I got there and settled down did I write a long message about everything they did and how I felt and at the end of the message I told them that I was completely cutting contact with my parents and older brother.

I changed my phone number and blocked all of my family from my social media. And you know what? My life has never been this peaceful in a long time I am happy about everything and my baby will arrive any day now. It is honestly stressing but I love it so much. We hired a helper around the house because why not. now my day consists of sleep, take a walk, eat, eat some more, have back and hip pains, and repeat which honestly isn't that bad.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Sweety-Peach2 said:

Sounds like you finally chose peace over drama. Wishing you all the happiness with your little one!

Ginger630 said:

I’m so glad you’re done with those awful people. They clearly favor everyone else over you. I just wish you didn’t apologize to your mother. She didn’t deserve it.

Unlucky-Captain1431 said:

I’m glad you broke contact. That was heartbreaking to read how that came about for you. You are so kind and thoughtful to your family members and they really suck. You are going to rock as a new mom. Congratulations.

KLG999 said:

Congratulations on putting your mental health first! Your parents are narcissists and their favoritism created your narcissistic brother. Narcissists always try to blame others. Congratulations on the baby.

BRtIK said:

If it helps you that's good but what I got from this Is once again you let your family do whatever they want and all you did was stop talking to them. No justice no closure.