'AITA for not wanting my boyfriend's sister to be my 'birthing partner'?'
"AITA for not wanting my boyfriend's sister to be my 'birthing partner'?"
I am 6 weeks off of giving birth and a few months ago my boyfriend and I were sat at his sister's and we were discussing birth plans (this is my first child and my partner has 4 and his sister has 2 children so they are more experienced at this).
During this conversation his sister stated how she didn't want certain people to know when she was having her second child which from what I gather went out the window as someone told the person she specifically didn't want to know.
We got to the stage where I was talking about what I wanted and I expressed how I only wanted my mum and my boyfriend in there with me with his dad and step mum there 24 hours after the birth, this is when all hell breaks loose.
I then get for weeks on end "I'm going to be your birthing partner not your mum" "I'm going to tag team it with my brother" "I'm good to be there as it's through half term" no matter how much I said no this wouldn't stop until I completely lost my rag and had a massive row with my boyfriend over it...
To the point where I told him if she doesn't stop, and get it in her head no one will be there with me, he will miss his child's birth because of her. He told her that she will be invited to see the baby as and when we are ready for visitors.
Since then, she has tried everything she can to try and ruin my relationship with my boyfriend, as in we are out together and there is suddenly an emergency at her house and she can't get out of work and her kids are on their own.
And 10 pm at night, she finds out we are meant to be doing something together and suddenly she can't cope and needs her brother and keeps him there until all hours of the morning knowing he won't leave her while he thinks his little sister is in trouble.
This has also led to huge rows with me and my boyfriend and I just now feel abandoned because I never see him and that she will come up with an excuse to stop him being at the birth.
I also need to add when she has these "emergencies" she has a go at him for answering his phone to me. Do I just change my mind and allow her to be there so that I actually get to see my boyfriend, and know that he will be allowed at his child's birth, or at least be able to know I have gone into labor?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Leopard-Recent said:
NTA but you have a boyfriend problem, not a SIL problem. She can demand all she wants but that doesn't mean you have to give in. But your bf should be backing you up and shutting down her ridiculous requests and the fact that he isn't is worrying.
1Smoky_ said:
NTA - This sister is so ridiculous and immature, i understand sibling bond but those are grown up people, they are acting like teenagers, im surprised ur boyfriend isn’t noticing anything. It’s YOUR birth and u will decide how u feel comfortable, don’t let anyone pressure u to accept anything.
Also u should seriously talk to ur boyfriend about it because he seems so oblivious to what is happening.
1Smoky_ said:
NTA - This sister is so ridiculous and immature, i understand sibling bond but those are grown up people, they are acting like teenagers, im surprised ur boyfriend isn’t noticing anything.
It’s YOUR birth and u will decide how u feel comfortable, don’t let anyone pressure u to accept anything. Also u should seriously talk to ur boyfriend about it because he seems so oblivious to what is happening.
Ordinary-Bee-7563 said:
NTA, obviously. I'm shocked by how some people seem to think they have a right to come to births. You're a patient. Just tell the nurses who's allowed when you're there. You can even kick your boyfriend out and you wouldn't be an AH, it's entirely and completely your choice.
Ok_Remote_1036 said:
Yikes. NTA. Giving birth is a medical procedure and it’s your decision who is in the room with you. It’s odd she would want to be there - first labor can take 12-24 hours. Who would watch her children? Would she take off work to be in the hospital while you’re laboring?
nasofictile said:
NTA. Do not give into her. She’s unstable and manipulative.
Is there an update?
Inevitable-Honey5292 OP responded:
She clicked her fingers last night for an "emergency" and he went even though nothing was going on, when I brought it up with him and how she speaks to me I just got told that it is his sister and he will always be there for her especially as she just found out she is pregnant.
Then got accused of calling her a unfit mother cos I told her she relies on him to look after the 2 she already has so she wouldn't cope with a third and told him no point him being round for his kid as he will have to drop his baby to look after hers.