Pregnant woman shocked when husband issues ultimatum, 'If you don't eat this diet, I'm moving out of our bedroom.' UPDATED
When this woman is annoyed with her husband's weird rules during her pregnancy, she asks the internet
"My husband acted super weird when I got pregnant. What do I do?"
I (29f) have a child (2m) with my stbx (27m). This was a planned pregnancy and we had talked about what we wanted for our child’s future. How they would be educated, which college we would encourage them to go to, which activities they would participate in, etc.
We had a miscarriage a year before we got pregnant with our precious boy. I felt like he had been supportive and mature about the initial loss. But something drastically changed.
When I got pregnant with our little one, we both had a feeling of - let’s not get too excited. We don’t know if this will be a successful pregnancy. Once we hit 3 months and my morning sickness was super real I felt confident but he wasn’t really making adjustments. In fact, I felt like he was pulling away.
Here are some examples: He gave me an ultimatum- eat a certain diet or he’d sleep in another room. When I asked for help in preparing this diet he told me I was smart and I could figure it out myself.
I was getting light headed and asked him to go for walks with me. Initially he told me no and then suggested we go when temps were triple digit. This is unsafe for a pregnant person.
He was still making plans to travel even though after my previous pregnancy I suggested we stay put as to not add strain and to save money for the baby. He still took solo trips.
He met new friends and had outings where I wasn’t invited. Actually, I was told I couldn’t come.
I begged him to go to couples counseling and he said no. Eventually he told me he didn’t have a problem and I could go to counseling on my own. When I started going, and went into more depth about how I was interacting with my husband, my therapist told me that he was emotionally abusive and he wasn’t going to change.
ruinfut writes:
You focus on your baby and yourself. I was in the same place when my son was born and I fell into very deep depression which no one including my mum knew about. I tried to keep my trauma all in a jar and it was the unhealthiest thing to do. Soon your baby will be old enough to travel with take out and have baby and you times.
My son is now 7 months without him my days would have been so blue it’s like Allah swt knew me having my precious boy would make me stronger and pull me through the turbulence.
Every mother feels like you do but do what’s best for your baby. He will be the only one who will ask questions when he’s older and when he does eventually find out what his dad did it’ll be his decision to make.
Many absent fathers forget their children will grow up ask questions and find out things for themselves. Focus on giving him a beautiful stress free life.
I promise you this baby will pull you through. Speak about your pain till you’ve understood what’s happened and accepted it and let go of it. Find hobbies don’t isolate yourself. Let your family help you.
My sister was my biggest rock through everything. There was days I felt my life just wasn’t worth it and men don’t realise what a woman goes through they deserve no penny or thought.
You suffered a miscarriage before this baby so you naturally will be over protective and on the ball Constantly. You will be a fantastic mother. You have a little person next to you every step of the way.
He will get you through this and don’t let your circumstances make you bitter he’s also going through this with you and feels your pain. Allah swt will ease your pain and he will shed light on your path inshallah.
Congratulations on your baby may Allah swt bless you with a life of happiness wealth health and success!
noang writes:
If you’re pregnant and you’re not in a great situation. Leave. Leave as soon as you can. If he treats you like trash while you’re putting your life on the line to carry their child, it’s not going to get better when the baby comes.
Besides picking a better father for my child, my biggest regret is not leaving sooner - hoping that the switch would flip and he’d realize what he’d need to do be a good partner and a good father.
matre writes:
You need to give yourself more credit. You sound like an incredibly smart woman because you refused to be manipulated by him and left him instead.
So many people stay in abusive marriages because they mistakenly think that a two parent household is better than one. Your husband betrayed you at your most vulnerable. Instead of lying down and taking it, you fought back, made a plan and got out. Your child is incredibly lucky to have you as a mother.
Lean on your support system now and start focussing on yourself and your little baby. Sending you lots of virtual hugs!
Then, OP provides this major update about her marriage:
Many more things happened and we ended up separating. I have a lot of mixed feelings. Part of me is sad that my child won’t grow up in a two parent household. But another part of me is angry at myself for investing so much time in someone who doesn’t respect me and who never really prioritized me.
He loved to argue that he has done things for me and I’m just focusing on where he fell short. I can admit that he has done things…but who asks for an open relationship when their wife is 4 months pregnant? Being pregnant with a partner like my stbx…I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Idk. I guess I’m putting this out there to say, if you’re pregnant and you’re not in a great situation. Leave. Leave as soon as you can. If he treats you like trash while you’re putting your life on the line to carry their child, it’s not going to get better when the baby comes.
Besides picking a better father for my child, my biggest regret is not leaving sooner - hoping that the switch would flip and he’d realize what he’d need to do be a good partner and a good father.
I think if I could do it again, I would be more attentive to his family dynamics. It was pretty dysfunctional and we didn’t see them a lot. He told me stories about how he was going to be- but sometimes knowing how they grew up is a better indicator.
Also, while my family didn’t outright reject him, they were hesitant about us getting married. I saw potential instead of what it was and what it was likely going to be.