Pregnant woman tells husband, 'your mother is OVERSTEPPING,' 'I'm being ganged up on.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband that his mother is overstepping and I don’t want her in the delivery room?"
I (32F) am currently 8 months pregnant with our first child. My husband, Tom (35M), and I have been together for seven years, and overall, we have a great relationship. The only issue? His mom (62F), Linda.
Linda has always been overbearing—the type of mother who still calls her son "my baby" and insists she knows what’s best for him. Since we announced the pregnancy, she’s been way too involved. She constantly gives unsolicited advice, criticizes my choices, and even refers to the baby as "our baby," which makes me uncomfortable.
The breaking point came last week when she casually said, "I can’t wait to be there for the birth! I want to be the first to hold my grandbaby." I was shocked. I never invited her, and I had always assumed the only person with me (besides the medical staff) would be my husband.
I told her, as politely as possible, that I wasn’t comfortable having anyone except Tom in the delivery room. She immediately flipped out, saying it was unfair, that she had "a right" to be there, and that she was present for the births of her nieces and nephews. She even accused me of trying to "push her out of the baby’s life."
Later, Tom told me I should "just let her be there" to keep the peace, since it’s a big moment for the family. I told him this is MY medical procedure, and I should have control over who is in the room.
He said I was being dramatic and that "it’s just a few extra people." Now, I feel like I’m being ganged up on. I don’t want to destroy my relationship with my MIL, but I also don’t want to feel uncomfortable during such an important moment. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
flickercat said:
NTA. Birth isn’t a spectator sport and her entitlement and audacity is staggering. Does she want to have a clear view of his asshole when he takes a shit? No? Then why does she feel entitled to see all your private parts during your most vulnerable time? It’s WEIRD!
You need to be warned tho - it appears you married a mommy’s boy who is clearly more concerned about being a good boy to mommy than being a good husband and man to you, his wife.
He needs to set a clear boundary with her or this will only escalate. Tell him to put his big boy panties on and grow up. He married YOU, not his mother, and he needs to act like it.
fiestafan73 said:
Tell him to book a colonoscopy with your mom as an observer and then you may consider it. NTA.
SockMaster9273 said:
NTA. The people in the room should be the people you want / need in the room. If MIL is not needed or wanted, she should not be there. Also confused by the phrasing, "it's just a few extra people."
Especially the "few" part. Might be reading into things but how many other people has he decided is showing up without talking to you?
BliepBlipBlop said:
NTA and you're definitely not being dramatic. Your husband is an idiot. Giving birth is dangerous and stress affects it a lot. Your body literally postpones birth when you're feeling stressed. It's that extreme.
Tell your medical staff your MIL can't be in the delivery room. They'll guard you and make sure you're safe since your husband can't fulfill his duties to protect you. If he lets MIL in the room, have them escort him out as well. If you can, ask your doctor or nurse to explain it to him during your next visit.Giving birth isn't a pleasant event or a party where you'd want spectators.
Inevitable_Project49 said:
NTA I would also consider not having hubby there either. He’ll either find a way to override your wishes or be a snot. I’m a little concerned that he said a few extra people, who else does he think is getting a front row seat? Tell him if she wants to be there for the birth then next time you're intimate she can have a front row seat so she can be involved from conception.
Tell your husband to pound sand. It’s not a big deal to him because he’s not the one in stirrups birthing a human. NTA.