Pregnant woman tells husband he's 'not allowed' to be frustrated over chores; AITA?
Splitting up the boring and agonizing tasks required to maintain a home is usually the compromise most couples come to, but extentuating circumstances can cause some changes to the chore chart...
If your wife is pregnant, do you really think she should have to take on all of the grocery shoping and Wednesday-Friday night cooking with the same energy she had when she wasn't growing another human being inside her body? So, when a conflicted pregnant woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her husband's frustration over household chores, the jury of internet strangers was eager to roast him.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my husband he's not allowed to be frustrated?
I (25F) and my husband (26M) are pregnant with our first child. Recently I've started really feeling the effects of pregnancy on my body. Sometimes I get bad cramping and nausea to the point where if I move I'll likely throw up.
For some background information we both work full time and typically try to split the household tasks equally, although occasionally when one of us has to work late a couple of hours or something the other will pick up the slack. We also have planned for getting pregnant for a long time so it's not like this isn't what he wanted.
We were getting ready to leave today and he asked if I brought the clean laundry up from the dryer in our basement. I said no, I didn't think I could get the laundry up the two flights of stairs so I was planning to just grab what I needed and leave the rest for later. He made a comment that he was really frustrated I couldn't just grab all the laundry so he didn't have to go all the way downstairs as well.
I got upset and basically told him he didn't have the right to be frustrated with me for having pregnancy symptoms and not being at 100% anymore. Also, we share tasks so it's not my job to get the laundry in the first place and there's no reason he couldn't have just done it himself anyways.
Am I the AH for telling him he can't get frustrated at me for this? I don't want to make him feel like he can't talk to me about how he's feeling and I'm starting to worry I just lashed out because I wasn't feeling well.
At the same time, it's frustrating to me that he's fine picking up the slack if I have to work late but hates it if it has to do with pregnancy symptoms.
Yikes...this husband needs a severe reality slap. Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this household debate. Here's what people had to say:
Fine_Prune_743 said:
This isn’t a good sign of things to come.
boxing_coffee said:
He can feel frustrated all that he wants. That doesn't give him a right to take his frustration out on you. Also, this is the time when he should be picking up more of the slack, not less. That is the way healthy marriages work. NTA.
YearOneTeach said:
NTA. It might be time to have a conversation about dividing the workload differently since you're pregnant. Or maybe you guys could divvy up chores in a way that lets you work on things that are easier for you to do. Like he can haul the laundry up all the stairs since that's now harder for you to do, and you can cover chores that require limited movement.
fujiwara78 said:
NTA. He’s mad because he had to go all the way downstairs? Not sure if he realizes exactly how much work and compromise it takes to have a child.
Doctor-Liz said:
Listen, 'we' are expecting a baby. You are pregnant. I get that your husband is frustrated, but it's not like you're being lazy so he doesn't get to take that out on you. NTA.
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this soon-to-be dad needs to step it up ASAP, but this couple needs to have a serious discussion first about how they divide up daily tasks. A baby is going to require a lot more work than carrying laundry does, and if this started a fight, they're about to enter some treacherous territory. Good luck, everyone!