Pregnant woman's husband cheated on her, 'my stepmom suggested we move back in together.' AITA?
I (f30) found out my husband (m30)cheated on me. I am pregnant. He is devastated by the fact that he would miss time of being a parent because we are separated...
My husband cheated on me with his colleague when he was drunk. A colleague I told him to be careful around and he said not to worry. Then he blamed the alcohol. About the birth, he has understood that he can’t be with me in the delivery room anymore due to me still heartbroken and devastated by the news.
I feel anxiety and I have to concentrate on my and our child’s wellbeing and having him there would just be too painful. But then after the birth, he is devastated that I would be moving back to my dad’s and he can’t see her all the time.
I offered that he could visit every day to see her development but I will be breastfeeding. He asked me if I could give him a bottle and she could live with him every other night so she would get used to him and his smell too and I literally freaked out and started hyperventilating by the thought of not being with her all the time in her first year.
Nothing is fair and I know I am being selfish. He is selfish too for cheating, but imagine not being with your baby. I can’t imagine, so I understand it is hard for him too. AITA?
My stepmom suggested we move back in together during the first year and live like roommates. Cheaper and then we both can be with our baby. I hate this idea but I know we need some compromises.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Bibliophile_w_coffee said:
NTA. If you want a divorce, move out, if you are separated but might try to reconcile then I’d do the roommate thing. She cannot be separated from you. At least in the beginning.
Maybe after a few months you can try the pumping and bottle but in the beginning you need to be nursing in increments and increasing your productivity as she grows.
Also her antibodies come from you, she needs to be with you so her body knows what she needs. You need to remind him that alcohol has never made anyone cheat that didn’t want to. He needs to start owning his mistake.
Pretty_auroraaa said:
Oh honey, my heart breaks for you. You're going through so much right now. It's completely alright that you're feeling anxious and overwhelmed. You have every right to prioritize your well-being and your baby's. It's not selfish to want to protect yourself and your child.
Dare_Devil_y2k said:
NTA! Just tell him to get drunk when he misses the baby and he can call that one colleague. After several of those drunken meet ups, he can knock her out and have a baby with her.
Surely, the colleague will share their baby full time when she delivers. Your partner has no ground to stand on and demand things. He just can't be trusted.
gcot802 said:
NTA. He cheated on his pregnant wife. He forfeited the right to complain about this. It’s not your fault that you also are the person that your child needs to literally eat. You are being generous by allowing him to see her every single day.
No-Bug-5929 said:
NTA , your baby is your priority and you don’t have to make anyone else happy as long as you and your baby are doing fine. No one else matters!
Legitimate-Stage1296 said:
NTA. He blew up his family. He made a choice, it doesn’t matter if he was drunk unless she doped him and SA him. It doesn’t sound like that happened based on his explanation.
You don’t have to do anything. You do what is best for you and the baby. Don’t even consider what he wants. He’s pulling on your heartstrings. Trying to manipulate you into not leaving for his benefit. Not what works for you and the baby.