'AITA for loving my dog more than my boyfriend's kid?' UPDATED

"AITA for loving my dog more than my boyfriend's kid?"

My boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) have been together for a little over two years now. He has a kid (5M) from a previous relationship. Him and the kid’s mom share custody equally meaning the boy is one week at my boyfriend’s and one week at his mom’s and so on. I have a dog that I got before I met my boyfriend. I love my dog very much, she has my heart.

My boyfriend and I do not live together, each of us has their own place. I get along with the kid fine, but I would not say that I love this child. I do not miss him when he is at his mom’s and I stay more at my place when he visits his dad, mainly because I want them to spend time together and also because I do not enjoy the kid stuff they do so much. This never was a problem until a few months ago.

I make good money, but I am not wealthy. I am just living on my own with my dog and no kids which means I have more money to spend than my boyfriend who has an extra bedroom for his kid and needs to pay half of everything for the kid. Makes sense to me.

A few months ago my dog needed surgery which I paid for, it cost a few thousand bucks and since then I sensed a change in my boyfriend. He was surprised how easily I was able to afford that surgery and how I did not hesitate to pay this amount of money to save my dog.

I was taken aback by that, because I love this dog very much I would pay anything for her and my boyfriend not accepting that hurts. I asked him if he would pay this much money for his son and he said „of course“ and if I think my dog is as important as his son. I said „to me she is, she is my family."

Since then he brings up money way more often than before. Whenever the kid needs something my boyfriend will make jokes about me paying for it. Whenever I spend money on my dog he asks what I got for his kid. He never get stuff for my dog by the way.

Last night my boyfriend mentioned how he would love to take a vacation after all this is over. I loved this idea and we kind of started planning a little bit. He then says he wants his son to come with us. Then he explains how we should go somewhere kids love how we should share the costs of this trip. All of this sounded to me like he wanted a good opportunity and fun time for his kid and me to pay for it.

I then said I do not want to pay for something I don’t even enjoy. I would be happy for him and the boy if they did this trip together, just the two of them and maybe if he has some money left, the two of us could go on a vacation after that ( I would pay for myself), but if he has no money, it’s fine. He lost it.

He asked me if I love my dog more than his son and I was honest and said „yes, I chose this dog, she is my family." The fight went on the whole night and he is currently not talking to me. So AITA for loving the dog I chose to have more than my boyfriend’s kid?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA but why are you in a relationship with a guy who has a son, who is not leaving his life, who you don’t care for? Your money is your money, but, he has a “package” family. I think you need to choose before it gets even more serious.

alliwilli92 said:

His argument has a bit of a facade, because he’s complaining about you loving his kid more than your dog, but beneath the surface, it really sounds like he feels inadequate about his finances compared to you. He’s just chosen the dog and kid to find a way to let out his frustration.

Sometimes I think people are quick to say OP should let that person go, but if this is how he treats you because you are more well off, I see it as very childish. It sucks that he can’t save as much or buy cool things, but he in no way should make you feel bad for it or guilt you into paying for a vacation for his kid. I’m sorry, it just doesn’t work that way.

NTA and I would consider this his way of showing you his true colors, so I suggest you really evaluate your relationship and if it’s right for you in the long run.

Sorcha16 said:

If you don't like kids and don't like kid stuff, why date a man with a child. You must have known if it got serious and long term that, that child will also be a part of his life and now yours. You dont get to date the father and ignore the son.

She later shared this update:

I don't know if anyone will read this, but I just broke up with him.We had a really long talk on the phone and a lot of issues came up.Basically he thinks I am using my money on "irrelevant stuff" when I could use it on something important like his kid.

At the beginning of our relationship I made very clear that I do not want to be responsible for his child, this includes finances and he reassured me that we were on the same page.

Now he tells me things have changed, as a couple we should decide on spendings together. When I asked if that meant that I have a say on his finances too, he slipped. I have no say in how much he spends on his child (which I never wanted to have anyway), but he wants to dictate how I spend my money?

Either we join our finances then I have a say if the expensive bike is needed or we have split finances then I don't care, but I am not willing to be with a man who thinks he can milk me like a cow to pay for his priorities while he wants to dictate I cannot spend MY money on my priorities.

He cannot have a cake and eat it too. Either we join finances and I have a say in our spendings or we have them separate and he shuts his mouth about my spendings. I decided it is best to end this right now, we both have lives to live and deserve partners who want the same things from life.

Thank you to the few people who actually understood. I had a good laugh at all the people who only blamed me thinking I was the only one responsible for this kid's wellbeing instead of his father.

He decided he wanted to be with me when I laid down my terms pretty clear, he agreed to all of this, I NEVER agreed to being mommy or paying for his child, but somehow people here seem to think it was my responsibility to think for him. Maybe it's because I am a woman and miso%$#y is alive and well.