'AITA for refusing to cancel plans with my BFF so my husband could take my MIL to the hospital?'

"AITA for prioritizing my plans over my MIL needing to go to the hospital?"

33F. My husband James is 35. My MIL is 61. She has 4 children (my husband is the youngest). And for whatever reason, my husband is the only one she goes to for anything. Whether she needs money, a ride, help doing yard work, help with literally anything actually. It has been a cause of tension in my marriage several times.

And I admittedly threatened divorce probably 6ish months ago due to it because we had a newborn at home and his mom, for whatever reason, all the sudden "needed" him 20x more than normal after I gave birth. Easily 4 days a week.

So, I threatened divorce. He stepped up to the plate. Now he only "helps" his mom maybe once every couple weeks. She never comes here (met our 7 month old once for .2 seconds). It's been great since that point honestly.

Anyways, on to the issue, my best friend moved out of state 5 years ago is back in town for 3 nights. We planned to go out to a restaurant in town around 5pm yesterday evening and then out for a few drinks afterwards at my father's pub. This has been planned almost 2 months in advance.

My husband had our baby. It was my first night away since giving birth (literally never even went to the grocery store without the baby). But around 7-7:30pm, my husband calls saying that he needs to bring his mom to the hospital and asked me to come home so I can take the baby and he can take my car (his is currently not working).

I asked what she needed to go to the hospital for and he said "does that really matter right now? I need you home." I told him it does matter, actually. Because depending on the level of urgency, she literally has 4 other options. One of her other 3 kids (who even live closer to her) or an ambulance.

He admits to me that she didn't tell him what she needed to go to the hospital for but since he was in a panic, I should come home so he can rush out. I said something to the affect of "it's convenient that my first night away from the home since giving birth and now all the sudden your mother is in need of urgent hospitalization.

I think I will actually stay right here. Maybe you should figure out what your mom is going for and then get back to me." I then hang up. He calls me probably 15 or so minutes later. He's pissed off and raising his voice at me. Says that apparently his mom had tripped and hurt her ankle and that's why she needed to go to the hospital. I asked if she was walking and he says yes, she is.

So I told him to call one of his siblings. I shouldn't have to cut my night short with my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years, because his mother wants him to cater to her every move. I went home around midnight.

When I get home he is pissed, saying that I prioritized my plans in a family emergency. I told him it didn't really seem like an emergency to me and asked him if she went to the hospital. He said "no, she says she is fine now but that's not the point". I argued that was the WHOLE point, actually and told him I was glad I didn't ruin my night over a fake emergency.

I then took over with the baby and brought her to bed. He's still pissed at me and says "this changes everything" because me putting priority on "fun time" over what could have been a bad situation makes him look at me differently. I'm unphased honestly. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

RumandRumNoCoke said:

NTA. If it was that big a deal either he or his mom could have gotten an uber. Or called 911.

Opposite-Quantity795 said:

NTA your husband is though and his mom is wild! It was a fake emergency and your reasoning was valid and logical. To be honest you need to get into marriage counseling because with your husbands behavior and attitude I don’t see a very long future especially if you have to threaten divorce to make him act like a spouse should instead of like a momma’s boy.

If you aren’t going to go the route of counseling or he refuses start secretly getting everything in order for a divorce. Make sure you push him to get a job though so you don’t have to pay spousal to support this man-baby.

Also make him start watching his own kid more so you can grocery shop, go to the gym and just get some little breaks it’s called self care and will make you a better mom and honestly help him to be a better dad by actually forming a relationship with his kid.

SpaceJesusIsHere said:

I'm guessing he told her about your night out. I'm also guessing that you standing up for yourself will eventually make the hostility at home unbearable. You're on a ticking clock. You need to either get into individual AND couples therapy or get a divorce. I had an identical paternal grandmother and she poisoned my relationship with my mom.

It ruined about 10 years of my mom's life and mine. Solve this before your kid hits 3 or 4 or regret it for the rest of your life. NTA unless you stay and nothing changes.

eksawaal said:

NTA. You seem to be 'letting' husband become pissed instead of being pissed yourself & demanding answers. Did mother call husband's siblings? If yes, why didn't anyone else take her to hospital? If others weren't called, why did mother call only your husband? Why can't mother differentiate between emergency & not-emergency?

OP responded:

She never calls his sisters for anything at all. She only calls my husband (her only son). None of her daughters have children and are more available than my husband is, but she doesn't care. It's an enmeshment relationship, for sure. She treats him like he's her husband and from my understanding, always has.

She doesn't know the difference between emergency and non emergency, I'm convinced. She once thought she was dying because she had a "mysterious black spot" on her pinky and went to the ER for it. But when she had a mini stroke 2 years ago, she didn't go to the hospital until days later. She's backwards.

Another commenter asked if the medical incident was "life threatening," and she responded:

Absolutely not. It does matter if it was life threatening or not. My husband goes wherever he please, whenever he pleases. I don't. He has 3 other siblings who live within a 2 mile radius. She could have called them. Period. I have zero empathy for a woman who fakes illnesses to get her son over there and away from his family/responsibilities.