'I was promised a financial gift from my dad but he died before I got it. My sisters now say I shouldn't claim it.' AITA?
"AITA - I was promised a financial gift from my dad but he died before I got it. My sisters now say I shouldn't be able to claim it from the estate?"
I (F30) recently lost my dad. My sisters and I are due to receive some money from my dad's estate. I brought up with my mum that my younger sister (27) received a financial gift from my dad last year to help her with the cost of driving lessons and the purchase of a car. I was told at the time that I would get the same amount towards the cost of a car when I bought one.
My mom told me to raise this with my sisters as they had both been given financial help from my dad with buying a car and I hadn't, due to not having started learning. I brought this up with them today and asked that I receive this money from the estate.
They said that it's not their fault that my dad passed away before I started to learn how to drive and I don't have any claim to money I was promised. I responded that it was unfair that they had both received the money and that I should be paid this out of his estate.
They disagreed and said that I couldn't make claims to be owed this, with my older sister (35) saying that as she learned to drive when she was 17, it was ridiculous to even bring this up (my sister was given a car and driving lessons as a gift when she turned 17, however, 5 years later when I turned 17, my family was in financial difficulty and couldn't afford to do the same for me and so I didn't learn.
I then went off to university, moved abroad, moved back to the UK living in a big city and always used public transport so driving wasn't a priority. As I get older I want to learn for when I have kids - hopefully in the next 5 years).
This disagreement led to a huge argument and my older sister storming off and calling me names. This feels quite obvious to me, but they're of a very different opinion and it's causing rifts in our relationship. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Kiyohara said:
YTA - You've had thirty years to learn to drive (okay, fifteen) and all of that with your father alive and willing to give you money towards a car and driving instruction costs. You're now bringing this up when it's time to divide the estate? You wasted an opportunity and your sisters are correct to point that out.
nikki57 said:
YTA. You don't even have a license and haven't learned how to drive - even by your dad's standards you're not entitled to the money. You literally had over a decade to get your license and you've chosen not to. This is a consequence of your own inaction towards getting a license, and you are absolutely ridiculous to ask for some of that money.
HootblackDesiato said:
Your sisters are correct that, lacking anything in writing, you don't have an additional claim on your dad's estate. People make promises all the time about gifting money and other things, but unless it's specified in a will or similar document, all that goes out the window when the person dies.
That's just the way it goes. Also - you're a grown adult at 30. Get over this. There is no cosmic law that dictates that all children be treated equally in all things. YTA.
Snapplestache said:
YTA. Funny that this became so important to you after ~13 years before an estate split.
Majestic_Shoe5175 said:
YTA. The estate should be equally distributed however your father wanted it to be. You shouldn’t get more just because he passed before being able to help you with a car and driving lessons which no one knew when or if that would ever happen. Use whatever you do get for it. You just suffered a loss stop arguing over money.
mayhan88 said:
Huge YTA. If he had promised to take you on a trip would you be looking for a payout? It was his promise to you but unfortunately he passed on before you got yourself together to get this deal.
What if your dad had casually promised to pay for college for future grandkids? If it isn't part of the will the promise is part of all the lost experiences that happen with losing a parent. Sorry he passed. 30 is still to young to lose your parent.