!['I [32M] was going to propose to my girlfriend [30F] until she told me she's pregnant.' AITA? + UPDATE](https://media.someecards.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=contain,width=1200/posts/propose-to-girlfriend-until-she-told-me-shes-pregnant-Ayk.jpg)
'I [32M] was going to propose to my girlfriend [30F] until she told me she's pregnant.' AITA? + UPDATE
"I [32M] was going to propose to my girlfriend [30F] until she told me she's pregnant."
A few days ago, my girlfriend and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary. I was planning on proposing at dinner (had the ring and everything), but the day before she told me she's pregnant.
It seems her IUD failed, which is unfortunate, but we are at a position in our lives where we can handle a child, and I'm ready to support her through pregnancy and become a father.
We had discussed the possibility of kids in the past, and after discussing this recent revelation we'd be happy to bring this child into the world. I just don't know when I should propose, I'm worried it would seem like a shotgun marriage.
Should I try and explain I've been planning on this for months already and that it's not spur of the moment, or should I wait a bit longer? I absolutely intend to marry her, but this could not have been worse timing, it feels like everything has become much more complicated now.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
I think you should do it soon and make super clear that the pregnancy is not the reason you are proposing and that you planning it beforehand.
You could say something like, “The night you told me about the baby, I had planned on asking you something,” and then go into the proposal. You could probably make it sound more romantic than that lol, but I think you can find a sweet way to be honest about your original plans and incorporate that into the proposal.
Why has it become more complicated? Just ask her to marry you.
The_OP
I worry she might think I'm being impulsive and marrying because of the child. It feels more complex to me I guess.
You can tell her “I’ve been thinking about this for a while”
You’re overthinking this dude. If you want to marry her, ask her!
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
I was thinking I'd edit the original post, but I decided I'd rather spend the night focused on my fiancee. I took my lunch break early to be with my girlfriend at the OBGYN visit. The IUD was removed without any problems (it had shifted around which likely caused it to fail), and the pregnancy is not ectopic.
However, a miscarriage is more likely, and if the baby is carried to term, there's a higher chance for complications and defects. It's far from a guarantee but it's a lot more risky than if it was any other birth control method that failed.
I ended up taking the rest of the afternoon off so we could talk through everything together. Eventually we decided we should get out of the house so we put some leftovers in my lunch bag and went to the park.
Normally there is nothing special about eating day-old hoagies in a park, but it really helped us relax. We sat on a blanket at the spot we first met and talked about a lot of things.
Eventually the sun began to set and I decided it was time. I started to say I had been planning to do this for awhile and it wasn't because she was pregnant but she started tearing up and cut me off.
She told me she understood so I skipped the rest of my fluff and asked her to marry me. She said yes, and we spent the next few minutes crying, hugging, and kissing. After we got our emotions under control she told me she'd seen my post.
I knew she posted online but I didn't realize she lurked here and had been expecting it all evening. She said she would have preferred I proposed at our anniversary dinner (can't argue with that) but this was still about as lovely as she could have hoped for.
Although the shadow of a potentially stormy pregnancy is looming above us, I am still very happy and feel lucky to be with her. We're going to visit our parents this weekend to break the news and get through the mountain of questions they're sure to have.
We're not thinking about a wedding ceremony yet, but we'll definitely be getting our marriage certificate (thanks for pointing out the difference) in the next few months like someone suggested. These past few days have been a roller coaster of emotion.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
I hope all is well and will continue to be so for these two!
Even though nothing is certain, it's great to hear that everything worked out.
Y'all have a bright future together, make sure to smell the roses every once in awhile, and congrats!
Probably an unpopular opinion, but there is nothing that requires you to continue with this particular pregnancy and there is nothing stopping you from trying again afterwards under safer/better conditions. When both mother and child are at any kind of increased risk, termination should at the very least be given it's full consideration.
The_OP
We know. If the child is expected to be healthy and she won't be put at great risk (and it's too early to tell at this point according to the obgyn), we intend to carry the child, but we're not against terminating the pregnancy to ensure a healthy future for our family.
It's one of the things we talked about when we got home from the appointment. We also don't live in a state with restrictive abortion laws so we have time to get second opinions and figure this out.
So your real proposal was through the internet :)
(Well, kind of. The moment she found out you wanted to marry her, anyway.)
Good luck to both of you!
Well we're all part of it now.... everyone has to be be invited to the wedding.