'AITA for publicly telling my ex-coworker that I don't like them?' 'She has a really ICKY VIBE.'

"AITA for publicly telling my ex-coworker that I don't like them?"

I (32f) ran into an ex-coworker Sara (31f) at a bar while I was out with friends celebrating my birthday. We worked together for 2 years at a fast food restaurant. I left this job in January 2025. She was a shift lead and I've never liked her. I didn't like her management style or her personality.

She came up to me at the bar and we had a 10ish minute conversation. I thought it was cordial and polite. She was mostly asking me questions about my new job. She asked if I would recommend her for a job at my new company. I got a job at a call center, nothing glamorous.

I told her that I wasn't comfortable with that. She brushed it off with a bad joke. I ended the conversation and walked to the table my friends were at and Sara follows me. I didn't notice until I got to the table and she sat down next to me. My friends introduced themselves and I, without thinking said something along the lines of "I don't like you, can you please leave."

I have autism and I could tell that was not the correct thing to say. Everyone seemed uncomfortable and Sara was visibly shocked and upset. My friends were shocked and confused. They assumed that Sara was a friend or someone I invited to the table. They had zero context of who Sara is.

Sara made a scene and told me that I was rude, a b, and a bunch of other things. She said that I embarrassed her. She embarrassed herself by following me to my table uninvited. And yes, she knew it was my birthday. I do feel bad and know that I could have formulated a polite response. But she's a former coworker and an unpleasant one.

I have many stories about her but the worst examples is that she made jokes about my autism and deafness, multiple times. She is fake nice and her friendship style is bullying people. She has a really icky vibe. I don't know what Sara wanted from me. I wasn't going to hangout with her, especially not on my birthday. So AITA for telling her bluntly that I don't like her?

EDIT:

I forgot to mention how my friends reacted after Sara left. They were really upset that she called me a b and collectively told her to leave. Sara left quickly, and I told them who she was.

They've heard stories about Sara for years. None of my friends thought i was an ahole. All of them were comforting and validating. We ended up leaving the bar within the hour because I was overstimulated and felt so uncomfortable being at the bar. We went back to my apartment and hung out for a bit there.

The reason I thought I was an ahole is because I've been trying to be better about social situations. My friends are used to how I communicate and are biased. When I was reflecting on the situation, I was thinking of better ways to tell Sara to leave that wouldn't have resulted in a scene or being berated.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

GothPenguin said:

NTA - Some people apparently need straight up bluntness even if it is rude. She is one of them. You told her you weren’t comfortable recommending her for a position where you are now she brushed it off with a joke. You ended the conversation. She followed you to the table. She needed blunt.

Frankifile said:

Wish I had the guts to be that clear and to the point. People like Sara rely on everyone being too polite to call her out. She was expecting to crash your party make contacts and try and persuade your friends to get her a job. She’d have made you miserable in your friend circle by invading it. Good for you for speaking up.

Sportychicken said:

NTA. She followed you, without invitation, which is rude, particularly when you weren’t friends in the past. She did it because she wanted something from you. I strive to be more forthright in situations like this.

nopedalassist said:

NTA. Good for you! Keep those type of people as far away as possible.

honorablenarwhal said:

NTA. People like her, as you have described her, do not deserve courtesy. Politeness & courtesy are supposed to be reciprocal.

amelia611 said:

NTA - wild of her to be making fun of you having autism and being deaf, but acting in total shock after you told her you don't like her. Also, it's pretty rude of Sara to go and follow you to your table she was not invited to after you guys finished a conversation, and you guys were not particularly close as friends. Maybe she'll take that as a sign to learn how to read the room.