'AITA for pulling me and my 9-year-old out of my sister-in-law's wedding?' 'My daughter's the flower girl.'
"AITA for pulling me and my daughter out of my sister-in-law's wedding?"
My 9 year old daughter and I were asked to be in my SILs wedding. We said yes. We only see her 2-3 times a year. My daughter’s birthday, Christmas, and maybe 1 other time. We aren’t super close, we text every so often but it’s usually if she needs something.
She doesn’t check in with us (which tbh I don’t really care). She doesn’t ask about my daughter and how she’s doing. My daughter said yes to being a flower girl because she was excited. I said yes as a bridesmaid because I don’t have any ill will towards her and I didn’t really feel strongly enough to say no.
HOWEVER, she did not come to my daughter’s birthday party a couple weeks ago. My daughter asked where she was and my husband called her. He asked her where she was at and she said “on my couch, why?”
He told her that she was supposed to be here at the party. She became super apologetic and said she has been so busy with wedding planning that she forgot and that she will make it up to my daughter this week. Fine, whatever. I can genuinely understand she may have been busy.
I was under the impression she would at least say happy birthday. She never did. She never reached out the two days we mentioned would work best or the following weekend. My daughter was upset and asked to not be in the wedding. Honestly, I was pretty upset too.
I have a lot going on but was willing to put everything aside to be there for her big day. But after she couldn’t even remember her birthday or reach out at all, I texted her and said I’m pulling myself and my daughter out of the wedding (which is months away in December).
She instantly got upset and started saying this isn’t right and that I’m being unfair. I told her everything I mentioned above and that my daughter doesn’t even really know her. My husband is behind me on this and is on my side.
EDIT:
I want to add that she makes plans with multiple friends and their kids. Which is posted on Facebook and I screenshot it all to send it to her as a reminder. We live about a half hour away from each other. I don’t believe my daughter should have to reach out for attention from her, thats an adults job. And she doesn’t do it. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FunProfessional570 said:
NTA. Seems she only wants contact when convenient for her. It’s not like you pulled out a few weeks beforehand. She’s got lots of time to figure out her wedding. Just don’t get sucked into helping with anything.
FaithlessnessHead417 said:
NTA. It’s not like it’s last minute. Nobody is too busy to tell a nine year old Happy Birthday, especially belatedly.
tempdump9 said:
NTA - You're respecting your daughter's feelings. That's good parenting. She's learning to set boundaries and not accept being treated poorly young. Good job!
PodFan06082 said:
Happy birthday to your daughter!!! I am so proud of you and your husband for listening to your daughter. Her aunt bailed on her party and now your daughter wants out of the wedding. Your daughters feelings are completely valid. You are doing a great job!!! NTA.
groovymama98 said:
Nta. Your daughter has a good point. How much does she really mean to sil if sil forgets or ignores her birthday? Then, she doesn't follow through afterward. You're right that sil is an adult and should know she's been beyond rude to her little niece. She should get busy and beging making it up to her niece. Not just for her to be a flower girl but because she loves her niece.
Jerseygirl2468 said:
NTA it sounds like a very one sided relationship, and she couldn't even bother to say happy birthday to your kid.