'AITA for purposefully dumping a bowl full of red punch onto my friend's white carpet?'
"AITA for purposefully dumping a bowl full of red punch onto my friend's white carpet?"
TW: alcohol and alcoholism
I guess she could be considered an ex-friend now. I (35M) recently got back together with my ex-husband, Jay (37M) after years of divorce. Our divorce was messy, but I've already posted about it so if you're curious on the details or how we got back together you can go look.
What I will mention is that Jay is an alcoholic. He's been sober for years now and it was how I knew he was ready to make a change, and was also the reason for our split. I've long since explained this to all of my friends and family and I thought they were fine with it.
Last week we were invited to a party my friend Addie (31F) was hosting. I met Addie during the time when Jay and I were separated and we bonded due to our similar circumstances: her ex husband was struggling with substance use and she left him for it. She was the last friend to come around to Jay and I getting back together but I thought she HAD come around.
We got there and it was maybe 90% people we didn't know. Addie greeted us, and when she did she made sure to say it was a dry party, which Jay thanked her for. She also made sure to point out the punch bowl she had "worked all day on," and said it was her "best batch yet." I'm allergic to pineapple, so I didn't have any, but Jay loves it so he kept getting more.
We were there for about an hour, I had lost track of Jay for a bit but knew something was wrong when I saw him stumbling towards me, upset. He leaned in close and muttered "OP, I think there's wine or something in this."
I quickly and quietly escorted him out and told him to wait in the car. I went back in and asked Addie, who was standing by the punchbowl, why she lied about the punch since Jay was tipsy.
She looked me in the eyes before saying "I didn't add anything to it... maybe he brought his own?" With this smarmy, cocky grin on her face. I kept getting angrier and angrier with her as she kept denying she did anything but smiling wider and wider and after a certain point the party had stopped and we were yelling.
Eventually she said something along the lines of "OP, this is what happens when you trust addicts. You should have known better."
In that moment I saw red.
I grabbed the punch bowl and very deliberately poured it all over this beautiful white carpet. Addie kept screaming butI didn't waste another second in there and went back to the car, where Jay was sitting and crying.
Since then I've been keeping a VERY close eye on Jay. He's been crying when he thinks I can't hear and keeps looking at his sobriety chip. He didn't go to his AA meeting a few days ago, which I talked to him about and he agreed to go next time if I came with him for moral support. He has thankfully not had any more to drink.
Since then, people have been blowing up my phone, most of all Addie. She's demanding I pay her back the $500 it cost for her rug. I have unknown numbers from the people at the party texting me and calling me an instigator, among other things. I'm beginning to wonder if I went too far destroying up her rug. AITA?
Edit:
I later got confirmation she spiked the bowl. She told other guests it was spiked.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I'm a recovering alcoholic and I'm heartbroken for your husband. Forget the carpet, she's lucky she didn't get a broken nose. Tell your husband that from one friend of Bill and Bob to another, we need him back in meetings.
Most importantly, I say that as an outsider, he should not consider this a failing of his. He was drugged. By all intents and purposes, he should consider his sobriety unbroken, for motivations sake. He didn't give in. He didn't become weak. He got given alcohol deceptively.
Absolutely and this is why it is important he go to the meeting. He needs the support of those who know it is not his fault.
NTA. Tricking someone into drinking is illegal. Do not ever trust or show this awful woman courtesy ever again.
She committed a severe felony. Reminder her & friends of that and that any more contact will mean you press charges.
Please let him know that this situation has no bearing on his sobriety as it wasn't his choice. Get him back into AA. He may feel like he has failed his sobriety, let him know he hasn't. That woman is a vile witch.
She didn't prove anything other than she is hateful and untrustworthy. I would never speak to her again. If she continues to harass you I would consider contacting the police because she specifically told you it wasnt spiked when it was.
NTA It’s illegal in most places to spike someone’s drink with alcohol/drug without their knowledge or consent. Could also be a felony. Should file a police report.
I would have dumped it over her head.
Empty-Ad-2301 (OP)
It was definitely tempting.
Just a hunch but sounds like former friend has some suppressed jealousy that your ex was able to work on his addiction (kudos!), & her ex wasn’t. The punch bowl dumping is giving me the ice cream smearing scene from Princess Diaries, and while not exactly mature, high-five for defending Jay.
So NTA. If she insists on demanding you pay for her rug, I recommend you counter sue her for deliberately poisoning your husband. You have a witness. As far as I can tell, you spilled out the punch when you learned it was poisoned. Sounds to me like you were protecting others.