'AITA for ending a friendship because my BFF 'lost' my purse, I think she took it?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to speak to my friend and end our 15+ year long friendship?"
Such-Designer5185 writes:
So I (21F) am just about to come home from a vacation with a friend (also 21F), and I am honestly still sick over what happened. A few days ago, she took my expensive Zadig & Voltaire purse without asking.
This purse was a Christmas gift from my sister and has huge sentimental value. I have spent the past few years taking really good care of it because it means so much to me. When she took it, she did not even tell me. I only found out afterward that she had used it to go to the laundromat, and in the process, she also used my money without asking.
For context, the purse had: $40 in cash and a bunch of quarters (a gift from my sister’s best friend’s mom), €60 in notes, and at least €20 in coins So in total, it was worth over €100, not to mention the value of the purse itself.
And now the purse is gone. She lost it. I was obviously upset. I was not yelling or blaming her, just crying and saying I was not mad, only hurt. I told her how much the purse meant to me and how hard I had worked to keep it safe for years.
Instead of apologizing, she got huffy with me, rolled her eyes, and said, “How much does it cost? I’ll just replace it,” in an angry and dismissive tone. She has a very defensive and confrontational nature that makes me feel bullied and small, so I find it hard to stand up to her. But it is not just about the money. It is about trust, respect, and losing something deeply personal to me.
Since then, she has not apologized at all. In fact, she is acting annoyed that I am upset. Now we are on the last night of our trip, and I have decided to just be neutral and quiet for the journey home.
Once we are back, I plan to stop speaking to her entirely. I feel like she violated my boundaries, disrespected my belongings, and is now making me feel like I am “too sensitive” for being hurt.
Some mutual friends are already making me feel like I am being dramatic and should “let it go” because “it is just a bag.” So, AITA for cutting her off and refusing to speak to her after this?
OP posted an update 4 days later.
On the flight home, she asked me to mind her passport in my bag, even though she had her own backpack. I agreed just to keep the peace because I did not want to deal with any attitude or fighting. When we landed, she turned to me and asked, “Do you have my passport?” in this snappy tone.
I was still hurt and wanted to get one last jab in, so I said, using the exact words she said to me all week about my missing purse, “I was checking my bag the whole time to make sure your passport was there, but maybe it will show up when we get off the plane.”
I regretted saying it immediately. She snapped in front of other passengers, finally acknowledging that I had been upset about the purse, but in the most cruel and dismissive way. She said, “Well at least I didn’t throw a hissy fit bawling and crying for hours over a purse.” That was the last straw. She acknowledged my obvious upset, yet still would not apologize.
Once we got our bags at the airport, I told her I wanted to check her suitcase for my purse. I said if she refused, I would involve the police. She tried to say I was violating her privacy, which is hilarious considering she took my purse and went through my belongings.
I told her if it was not there, she had nothing to be worried about. I also made it clear I was not going to touch any of her stuff, that I was not interested in taking others’ belongings without permission, just checking for what was mine.
She was absolutely fuming. Face red, shaking, visibly furious. Then she shoved her bag at me and told me to go ahead. I opened a zipped compartment. Inside was a black trash bag. Inside that was a red Target bag. Inside that, drum roll… my purse.
All of the money was still inside: the cash and the euro coins, but no quarters. I was honestly so shocked I could not even ask why she had it or what her plan was. I just said “thanks” and walked away with my stuff. I got on the bus home and have not spoken to her since. I wish I had not been so emotionally drained to have given her a piece of my mind.
She has since blocked me with no apology or explanation. As a side note, her mom (who does not know we are not speaking) called me at 3 a.m. crying. She was saying how badly she feels treated by her daughter and her husband, how she is constantly belittled.
I will not get into any of what had just happened, but it definitely gave me more perspective. This girl is a cruel and horrendous person with little to no empathy, and I think maybe a sociopath.
Anyway, I got my purse back, but the whole thing left a really bad taste in my mouth. I still do not fully understand what she was trying to do, and honestly I do not think I want to. I am just relieved it is over. What do you guys think she was aiming to do with the purse? Very little of my money inside was used. So strange. Thanks again!
People responded to OP's update.
ThrowRA_notgivingin says:
Why haven’t you told your friends and her mom about what happened? It’s like you want her to rewrite the story to make you the villain.
OP responded:
My friends are aware, and my entire family. They told me they are disgraced by her behavior and to cut off contact with her. The friends on vacation however, whether they sided with her or were actually too afraid to side with me, I’m not sure.
I haven’t reached out to them, and from advice from the previous post I am not continuing my friendships with them. I can’t be friends with someone who is too weak too stand up for me. Her mother was drink driving and in a bad spot so I felt it was not the right time to bring up the situation as she was very upset.
RedditVirgin13 says:
She was going to steal your purse, that’s what she was doing. Your ex friend sounds like garbage.
OP responded:
I don’t know how she lives with herself, honestly.
What do you think?