'AITA for not wanting to put my future on hold to watch my sister's kids?'
"AITA for not wanting to put my future on hold to watch my sister's kids?"
Best-Question-7940
"I'm an 18-year-old female with an older sister, Sarah, 29, who has two children, ages 8 and 4. Most of my childhood was spent taking care of her kids while she went out partying.
Now that I'm starting a practical nursing course to boost my university resume, Sarah is asking me to put my future on pause and watch her kids so she can enjoy herself before I leave for university.
Our mom warned me when I was young not to babysit for Sarah's kids because of her attitude. She also said this might be Sarah being jealous because she used to study nursing but dropped out due to bad company and not passing her final exam.
Everything came to a head yesterday when applications for the course opened, and I was talking to our mom about it. Sarah overheard that I applied and got mad, shouting about how selfish I am and how this is the only thing she's ever asked me to do.
I told her to stop being childish and that it isn't my fault she had children, and I'm not their mother. The kids have called me "mom" for about two years, even when corrected.
Apparently, I shouldn't have said that, as she started yelling at our mom, saying I'm her favorite because if I wasn't, she would tell me to put my future aside and help her with her children.
Our mom told her point-blank that she would never tell any of us to put our future on hold. She said she gave us all the same opportunity, and it's not anyone's fault that Sarah didn't use hers wisely.
Now she has children, and I'm going to take my life more seriously. She needs to take responsibility for her children because no one told her to have them, and she can't look after them.
Sarah started crying and left, then our mom started on me, saying she warned me from the very beginning, and I didn't listen. She said I need to stop being a pushover because I lost all my childhood when I was supposed to be outside playing with friends, going out, and just being a kid.
I was babysitting like I gave birth. Our mom said it's my fault Sarah became so entitled because when she made plans for me to go out, I would cancel to watch the children.
She's not wrong; I would always feel sorry for Sarah because she knew how to manipulate me, just because I don't like to see people suffer or be sad. Sorry for the long post; I just want to know if I'm wrong for not putting my future on hold. I do know I'm not putting my future on hold.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
mdthomas
So your sister had children and expects everyone to accomodate her so she can live the lifestyle of someone her age without children.
"I told her to stop being childish and that it isn't my fault she had children, and I'm not their mother."
You are absolutely correct. They are her children, she is responsible for providing care. Not you. NTA.
TimawaSaKanto
NTA, you did the right thing, you are right, her kids are not your responsibility. Listen to your mom and start enforcing boundaries with your sister. It's gonna be hard but she had to learn and you have a future to work on.
Responsible-End-6371
NTA, but there is a whole lot of truth being laid out here in your post. First, Sarah is ridiculously entitled. Her children are her responsibility. You are sweet to help her, but you should not sacrifice your own future for her.
Sarah is also projecting her own insecurities, because she knows (deep down) that she has made some poor decisions in her life. Instead of facing that and bettering herself, she is choosing to lash out.
Second, your mom seems like a piece of work. That said, there is some truth to what she told both you and your sister. She is right to back you against Sarah's entitled attitude. And even though what she told you was harsh, there is a nugget of truth to it.
Your mom likely realized that Sarah has entitlement issues many years ago. She was right to warn you against Sarah's entitlement, though I do think she should have stepped in MUCH earlier that she did.
It does seem like your mom needed to step up and defend you, instead of just watching as you sacrificed your life for babysitting. Regardless, please make sure that you prioritize your future now. NTA.
annotatedkate
Ok hear me out: I refuse to believe you don't already know the answer to that question.
DarkAngel_DA
NTA. Sarah is the major AH. It wasn’t your responsibility from day 1. You missed out on your childhood being a mother in the place of your sister. Let Sarah figure it out & good luck with the nursing program!
forgeris
NTA. Your sister uses you because it's convenient, she doesn't even respect you or she would treat you much better and appreciate what you are doing for her. You are not responsible nor obligated to babysit your sisters kids. Ever.
AideLachance
NTA! Definitely! Your sister is being totally selfish and manipulative. She had the children, now she must take responsibility, not expect you to be the mother of her children and give up your life and your future. You did the right thing!
KnightofForestsWild
NTA In what world is her partying her life away worth more to you than your life? Your mom is right. Get your head out of your butt and stop being a pushover. Sarah is only having a snit now because you never told her no and had to deal with it before. If you had, it would have been easier when it wasn't so entrenched and already over with.
Ignantsage
NTA. You should not put your life on hold and you should listen to your mother. She is giving you really good advice listen to her. It is nice to help people but don’t sacrifice your happiness so that they can be happy.