'AITA for putting my foot down?' 'My MIL demanded I take down my wedding photos?'

"AITA for putting my foot down when my MIL demanded I take down my wedding photos?"

I 23f just married my 24m husband a few weeks ago. Due to our jobs we didn’t do a traditional wedding ceremony or have any family with us. My MIL fought us the whole time saying we should reconsider and have both of our parents come to attend. We didn’t want that.

Because of our jobs my husband and I hadn’t seen each other in six months and just wanted to be married and be left alone for the one week we had together before he had to leave again. MIL eventually dropped it after my mother convinced her too, telling her we were still planning on having a large ceremony down the line and we didn’t see this as being anything important just paperwork.

We did a small quick thing down in the gardens by the water in my city with my pastor. Everything went smoothly. A few days after my husband wanted to visit some friends of ours in the area. I had no problem with that because we didn’t know when the next time he would get to see them would be.

We asked our friends if they wouldn’t mind doing a backyard wedding shoot for us since they were the ones who did our engagement photos. They said absolutely so we went. My little nephew demanded he be in some photos and we all had a good time together.

Our friend said once he finished the editing he would send us the photos. They all came out great. When I received them, I posted a few with the caption “sharing some of the photos of our itty-bitty wedding shoot (ps not our kid but our nephew and he demanded being in some photos so who could say no to the little guy.)"

And I thought nothing else of it as the congratulations came flooding in. Here’s where I may be the A-hole the following day as I was getting off of work, my husband called and asked if I had posted the photos I said yes and he asked about the one with my nephew I said yes again and in a huff my husband said ok and hung up.

I should state that my normal working hours consisted of close to 14-15 hour shifts sometimes without eating because I forget depending on the day so by the end im usually exhausted and not in the perfect people dealing mood.

I called my husband back to find out what was wrong he said MIL is demanding I take the photos down immediately saying now it looks like we did a wedding with some family and not others because of my caption. I lost it I told him I would be doing no such thing.

I was tired of her trying to dictate our lives and that I was putting my foot down and I was not removing the photos for any reason. He apologized to me and understood where I was coming from, but he could also see how his mom could be hurt too. I said I didn’t care it wasn’t my problem and she needed to get over it.

He said ok hung up with me to call his mom back. I then called my mom crying because I was so tired and frustrated and hungry and needed her opinion on if I was wrong for snapping. She told me no, and that I needed to have a discussion with my husband about setting boundaries for MIL when it come to our decisions. So am I the a-hole?

UPDATE:

Some people are confused on the nephew part he is the son of the friends who took the photos we have been side by side with them since the kid was born and at one point we all live in the same little apartment he is nephew by friends not by blood.

Both immediate families were fully aware of what we were doing both families insisted on having some kind of photos now since we were going to do everything traditional in a few years.

Because my husband and I have been so close with these friends for so long both side of our families were aware of our relationship to the child as well as there post previously calling him nephew.

All photos were sent to both immediate families prior to the post being created. Both families live several states away from both my husband and I and we felt as though trying to have everyone travel and set schedules to our extremely limited time was more of a hassle then we truly wanted to have. Prior to coming to me my husband went and spent time with his family before the wedding.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Any_Dragonfruit4130 said:

NTA. Your MIL needs to have strict limits put on her. She is only worried about how her friends and family see her. She doesn’t Want people asking her why she wasn’t there. I myself wouldn’t have a big wedding as it will be all about her. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN! She sounds like TROUBLE.

Own_Lack_4526 said:

NTA. Surely your husband is capable of telling his mother that the child was there because his parents were taking the pictures. If she has a problem after that, that's on her, not on you, It's not like you had a ceremony - you just took some pictures.

Voidfishie said:

You working long hours and not eating is your problem, and it's a huge one. It's not sustainable at all. You cannot blame your husband for you not looking after yourself and you should absolutely apologize for snapping.

revenya_1 said:

ESH - you knew your MIL was upset about the wedding and not being present, there were by the sounds of it plenty of photos of just u and your hubby…like just post those, think it was stupid of OP to post photos with other people that imply you had other people there and deliberately excluded your MIL. There is a balance between doing your own thing and being kind to others.

Vegetable_Craft_9506 said:

YTA. First you say you didn’t want either parents at the wedding because you wanted to be “left alone” for a week before he leaves. Then you get together with friends and post photos showing you were with other people.

Frankly it comes across as you just going out of your way to make sure this gets under your MIL's skin and show no regard to how this affects your husband’s relationship with her. You’re entitled to make your own choices but if you make choices with zero care about how it makes others feel, you are the A.

PandaPartyPack said:

YTA. As difficult as MIL is to deal with, try to see it from her perspective. Her own son is getting married and she was told neither set of parents will be there. Fine, that’s upsetting but seems fair. Then she sees wedding photos posted online of you with someone who’s not related by blood.

If I were her I’d feel very hurt. Also, take better care of yourself. Don’t let yourself get so tired, hungry, and stressed that you show up as the worst version of yourself in your relationships.