"AITA for putting glue in my step-daughter’s hand sanitizer?"
I (F, 44) have been in my step-daughter’s life since she was 4. She’s now 20, we’ll call her Jane. Even though her dad and I divorced, Jane and I have always had a close relationship, and she currently lives with me while she’s in college.
Back when she was in middle school, Jane had a group of “friends” who were basically bullies. They constantly took her things - water bottles, plush keychains, school supplies, hair scrunchies, anything they could grab to get a reaction.
Jane would come home crying with frustration, so I encouraged her to use her voice first by being direct with them, saying, “Please stop, I don’t think it’s funny.” When that didn’t work, I advised her to involve a teacher. She did. Repeatedly. Nothing changed.
Eventually, I went to an assistant principal. I was told my child was “too sensitive,” that she needed “thicker skin,” and that the behavior of the other children was normal. I was furious! Her belongings were being taken without permission, and somehow she was the problem?
Fast-forward a bit: Jane and I went shopping, and she used some gift cards she had received as gifts to buy lotion, body spray, a hand sanitizer, and a cute holder for her backpack. She was so excited to show it off the next day!
However, when I picked her up after school… she was crying again. One of the same kids had taken her new sanitizer and passed it around the “friend” group all day. Before giving it back to her at the end of the day, one of the kids turned it upside down, squeezed it, and emptied its contents before handing it back to her. She was devastated.
I had had enough! I demanded she hand over the empty bottle. She hesitated because she wanted to know what I was going to do, but eventually she handed it over.
I drove straight to the store, bought a bottle of clear glue – think the kind of glue that young children use in school, that will wash or peel off of everything. I filled the empty hand sanitizer bottle with it and added a little glitter so it still looked authentic.
When I gave it back to her, I told her she was NOT to offer it to anyone, but if someone took it like they always did, that was on them. I warned her they’d probably wipe it on her, get it on her clothes and in her hair, but not to worry, it would wash out. And most importantly, I told her not to let them see her cry!
She was worried she’d get in trouble, but I told her the principal could call me – I’d happily sit through whatever consequences they wanted to hand out.
The next day at recess, one of the kids grabbed the sanitizer right off her backpack. Jane said, “Don’t use that,” which did not deter the kid. With smug defiance, the girl poured a handful of Japanese Cherry Blossom GLUE in her hands! It did not take her long to realize something wasn’t right, and she was upset, wiped it on Jane, and was livid about what had happened.
Jane boldly told her that she was tired of them taking her stuff and to not do it again…then she threw me under the bus and said it was my idea.
The kid did not tell on her, and other than having to wash glue out of her hair and off her backpack, there were no other repercussions for Jane. And the best part? Those kids finally stopped taking her things! She ultimately learned to build healthier friendships, and it seems everyone is thriving today. So… AITA?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Ill-Sale-380 said:
NTA!! You're an awesome mom for helping her with the bullies when no one else would!!
coolgrin1860 said:
Not gonna lie I was gonna be upset with this title, but then you brought it back and we were a rockstar. NTA.
Any_Wolverine251 said:
As a teacher who saw too many bullies get backed by indifferent administrators, I applaud your approach. No one was injured and a lesson was learned. Well, two lessons if you consider that your step-daughter learned her step-mom was both inventive and had her back.
And AhmadElliephant said:
I know I'm horrible but I wish they got something worse than glue. Bullyism is encouraged in schools and unless more parents take a stand like you did, we will continue to lose our kids to it. Im glad your girl is OK and that you are a great mom that stepped in when she needed it.