'AITA for putting my hand over my sister-in-law’s camera at my own birthday dinner?' 'I told her NO.'
"AITA for putting my hand over my sister-in-law’s camera at my own birthday dinner after I told her no filming?"
I (29F) had a small birthday dinner last weekend with my husband (31M), SIL “Lina” (27F), MIL and two friends at a normal but nice place. Lina’s an 'influencer." She films literally everything - plates, forks, ppl breathing.
Three days before, I wrote in the family chat - please don’t film me. Food, room is fine, just not my face. She said “got you." We sit down and within like 10 mins her phone is up. I say quiet, “pls don’t point it at me.” She goes, “you look great, it’s just vibes.” Husband backs me, “she said no.” Lina rolls her eyes, lowers it… for maybe 2 minutes.
Then the cake comes (little sparkler, staff singing). Lina stands and points the camera right in my face like, “birthday girl reveal!” I put my hand over the lens and said, “stop” I didn’t grab the phone or touch her, just covered the camera for a second. She snaps that I “ruined her shot” and this is her job. MIL says to “let it go for one night.” I said that it’s my night - actually.
It got awkward fast. Server was right there, I felt embarrassed. Husband tried to change the subject, but Lina kept muttering about how she had to scrap “everything.” I even paid for my own dessert (long story) and we left pretty quick.
Next morning Lina texts that I “humiliated” her and made her look unprofessional in front of everyone. MIL says I should’ve moved seats if I didn’t want to be in frame. Husband says my boundary is fair but maybe I “made a scene” by doing it during the song when eyes were already on me.
She’s posted me before without asking and co-workers mentioned it. I’ve asked her to blur/remove and it turns into drama, which is why I set the boundary in writing before dinner.
Why I might be the AH: public place, I did physically block her shot, and yeah it was during the song. I could’ve stood up and turned away or smth. But also… I don’t wanna be online against my will, especially on my own birthday. Idk. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
BlaineTog said:
NTA. She looked unprofessional because she was unprofessional.
needsmorecoffee said:
If she didn't want to be "humiliated" she shouldn't have backed you into a corner where that was the only way to enforce your boundaries. Which she did deliberately, thinking you wouldn't want to make a scene. NTA but maybe just don't invite her next time.
pottersquash said:
NTA. I do wonder if we need to create new norms and mores about this sort of thing. For example, would it be ok for her to shoot but just edit before posting? A lot of folks just have disdain for influencers/content creators but its a valid part of our economy and entertainment ecosystem and there may be ways of serving both interests.
Victor-Grimm said:
NTA - I would have been less nice and used some uncharming words if some influencer was pushing and putting a camera in my or my wife’s face without permission. If it was my sister os SIL then I would be following up with a cease and desist from a lawyer. If she is making money off of you then she needs to have permission.
Difficult_Chef_3652 said:
NTA. You're not the one who made a scene. You stated your boundaries more than once and she ignored them. You did not make a scene by covering the camera lens. Scenes are never that low key. SIL made the scene. Clearly your husband is accustomed to letting SIL do whatever she wants and he and his family are his sister's enablers for antisocial behavior.
Throwawaylife1984 said:
NTA. Your birthday, your face, your choice.
GoalHistorical6867 said:
NTA. I don't think so. You asked her politely not the film the proceedings. But she ignored you and decided to do it anyway. She brought it on herself. If you can't expect her to respect your wishes on small things how in the world will you ever be able to trust her to respect your wishes on larger things.