'AITA for questioning my entire relationship after my husband flirted with my receptionist?' UPDATED
"AITA for questioning my entire relationship after my husband flirted with my receptionist?"
I saw the transcript from when my husband called my business yesterday and I literally feel sick...
I run a small massage business and got a virtual assistant (the AI kind) to answer my work phone when I'm with clients.
My husband called while I was busy and I saw the transcript later. He was FULLY flirting - complimenting her voice, asking to request her specifically, literally asking her on a date instead of making an appointment. I confronted him and he laughed it off, said I'm "being psycho" and it was just playful, we fought for hours..
Here's the thing - my ex cheated on me. I thought I was past it but seeing my husband effortlessly charm this AI like that... is this his default with women when I'm not around?
He says my trauma is making me paranoid but I feel like I accidentally saw who he really is. Everyone's saying let it go. But would YOU be okay with this? Am I losing my mind or is this a red flag? AITA?
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Well this escalated... millions of people have now seen my husband flirt with my AI receptionist. not how i expected this week to go. I've spent the last 24 hours reading through thousands of comments ranging from "trust your gut feeling" to "you need to divorce and seek professional help immediately"... both are probably partially true.
So heres what happened...
We talked, actually talked not fought. I apologized for my initial meltdown and explained the trauma stuff and why i spiraled so hard... he apologized too and then said something that surprised me.
He admitted hes been feeling like we've been disconnected lately and he's been unconsciously trying to get validation from other people by being extra friendly and charming...
He said the AI thing was supposed to be a joke but my reaction made him realize my friend was right about the pattern she noticed. Turns out we both suck at communication and have been avoiding real conversations for months. Me about my trust issues, him about feeling unappreciated, both of us about how we've been roommates more than partners lately.
So basically, I had a viral mental breakdown over an AI, thousands of strangers told me I was crazy (maybe) and it somehow led to the most honest conversation my husband and I have had in years. We are starting therapy next week or so. The internet is weird you guys. But thank you for the tough love, even the really tough parts.
Edit: So apparently hundreds of people have messaged me calling me stupid and psycho and questioning how I can be smart enough to use AI but dumb enough to have a meltdown over it.
Can't really argue with that logic. For everyone asking what AI service it is... look at the screenshots, the name is right there at the top. search that in your app store. If my chaotic brain managed to set it up you'll be fine. not doing tech support today I'm emotionally drained!
To everyone who sent supportive messages and actually tried to help... thank you. I read every single one and it meant more than you know!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You guys are all gonna look real crazy next month when he marries the answering machine at CVS.
Did he know it was an ai assistant? If so... a joke surely?
He was totally trolling the AI, clearly he knows based on how hes talking lol.
Did you not read the last message about him cooking dinner??!?!??
EXACTLY!!! Why would he try cheat on her.. then send her a message about dinner at home.. he knew she was gonna read it that’s probably WHY he did it in the first place! That’s a crazy thing to have hours long arguments about especially since the clarity and the motive was made very clear at the end.
It took me waaaaay to long to realise it was an AI assistant. Now I know, like of course he is messing around. He was probably just bored. Plus, as you say, the dinner comment is because he knows his wife is going to see the messages.
This can’t be the basis of you questioning your relationship…. He’s like tell Emily I’m waiting for her at home and I’ll cook dinner. If the joke didn’t land and you didn’t like it that’s okay. But questioning everything you know about him!?
I dont know the "type" of man your husband is, so I could be off base here. That said, I immediately thought that this is EXACTLY what I would do when chatting with an AI receptionist at a place my wife owned. No question about it.
To be honest, I'd be much worse than he was. However, I also know that if my wife saw it later, shed be laughing about how ridiculous I am. This would be exactly why I talked to the AI like this....to make my wife laugh.
I cant fathom a situation where he didnt know 100% that this was AI....I suppose its possible, but highly unlikely. If it was a real receptionist, or if other people could see the transcript, I would NEVER do something like this. Again, I dont know your husband, but id be willing to bet this is what's going on.
He's literally taking the piss cause he knows it's AI.
I understand past trauma having an impact and everything but get a grip.
If he knows it’s AI, that’s the funniest thing ever! If he doesn’t know it’s AI, that’s pretty bad! But I would doubt if your husband didn’t know you were using AI for this.
You're weird it's not a real person he knows that he's messing with it probably hoping you see it. Instead of confronting him you went straight to reddit which means you got issues. Either that or this is a fake post. You literaly message naked men for a living and you're insecure about your man flirting with an AI.