'AITA? I quit my job only after my divorce when the reason for my divorce was the job.
"AITA? I quit my job only after my divorce when the reason for my divorce was the job."
My husband and I divorced a year ago (f40,m40). We had our three children in quick succession 3,4&5 and my husband said I should quit my job to be a SAHM. I didn’t mind working and being a mother.
We are both young and healthy and we made it work. We are blessed with very calm children too. Was I totally dead and exhausted at night after all children are asleep, all their stuff are in place and the house cleaned? Totally! But I couldn’t have been happier with my life.
My husband wasn’t happy and said I should quit my job to take care of our children and house. I told him that I love my job and I love working. Then the worst thing happened when a colleague of my sent a graphic message in the middle of the night when he was drunk. It was a week after I came back from maternity leave.
My husband saw red and asked me if this was what I loved about my job. He asked for divorce not long after. I got the majority of custody and my ex has them 2 weekends a month (but it is more like 3 weekends a month, it is only 2 per court agreement) because oh his working schedule.
It has been a very tough year for me being a single mom so I quit my job. When he heard about it he came to me totally livid and started yelling at me. Why now? I explained to him that I was alone now and didn’t have another adult with me to help with the children.
I had to do all the cooking, feeding, cleaning and bathing and washing clothes alone when before I only did 1/2. He didn’t understand me. He just yelled and yelled and yelled about how horrible and cruel I am.
Then his mom called me and she was calmer but she talked about how he went to her place to yell some more and she seemed to side with him of course. Then his gf texted me to ask me what happened but I didn’t answer her so she texted that I am a witch.
I didn’t answer her. I have never heard him yell like this before. I am distraught but I am more than that very tired.
Was I wrong to quit my job?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
His GF? She wishes you would have resigned soon so he would have still wanted you? Weird.
She probably has no idea what the argument's about and called OP a batch because OP's ex was probably stomping around growling and OP didn't tell her why.
Only_Wish4503 (OP)
I don’t think she knows what’s happening because she asked me what happened when he dropped off the children because I guess he was still angry but I didn’t answer her.
Block his gf and his mother. Save their harassing messages and document everything he does and says in case you need to take him to court. He absolutely hates that he couldn't control you. He got a gf real quick though didn't he. I'd say before you got divorced he was projecting because he was the one that was cheating.
Only_Wish4503 (OP)
My sister told me to send him the texts from his gf. But I don’t want anymore problems. I just blocked her. I can’t block his mom since she’s a big part of our lives.
How does you quitting your job now impact him? Does he have to pay more child/spousal support? You may have gone through the divorce over your job, but I think you dodged a bullet.
Anyone who would be this upset because a former partner quit their job, who would think it was ok to yell and insult a person they supposedly love has to be a bad partner in a lot of ways, not just one. NTA, either to have divorced this rage-a-holic or to have quit your job when it no longer worked for your family.
You are not wrong for quitting when your circumstances changed. Parenting solo is a completely different workload than parenting with a partner, and your ex doesn’t get to dictate your choices anymore.
NTA. Why couldn’t husband stay home and take care of the house and children? Why did it HAVE to be you? The job wasn’t the reason you divorced at all. It was your husband’s petulant insecurity and need to control you.
You cannot control whatever is said to/or about you. Whatever that message was, was in no way your fault, nor was your ex-husband’s anger your burden to bear. How dare he even ring you to yell when he has a new girlfriend? Whilst it’s none of her business, he made it her business by involving her by either complaining to her or taking his anger out on her.
I would explain the situation to her. You like working, ex wanted you to be a SAHM, you refused, he divorced you. Now that you’ve had to quit your job as you are a single mother and can’t afford extra childcare costs, along with juggling 3 children and a home, he’s blaming you.
If his mom calls again, please reiterate, that your employment is absolutely no business of his since he divorced you and has a new girlfriend. Then reiterate, that if someone being a stay at home parent was so important to him, why couldn’t it be him? Then please tell her you do not appreciate her interfering in matters that are absolutely nobody your’s business.
And whilst he’s her son and you appreciate she loves him, under no circumstances are you going to tolerate being made to feel guilty for being in a situation that her son created.