'AITA if I quit next year’s annual season-long golf tournament because two guys keep mocking me?'
"AITA if I quit next year’s annual season-long golf tournament because two of the guys keep mocking me, complaining about my handicap, and getting angry when I finally start playing better after years of always losing?"
So every year I play in a season-long round-robin match play golf tournament with the same three guys. We’ve been doing this for years in some form or another. I’ve always been the weakest golfer of the group so I lose a lot more than I win.
Even though we use handicaps, I’m still typically at the bottom. Honestly, that’s never bothered me. I’m mediocre at golf and am comfortable in my golfing skin. Its always more about the tradition, getting out on the course, and spending time with friends.
In past years it was fun, and even when I got smoked, everyone was in good spirits. This past year things have felt different. I actually played better than usual. I don't think I'm ready for the Ryder Cup, but I'm at least respectable compared to my past seasons. I won a few matches, had a couple of solid rounds, and for the first time I wasn’t automatically last.
But instead of being happy for me or even jokingly giving me props, two of the guys (one far worse than the other but he kind of has influenced the other) have been weirdly salty about it. Every time I win a hole or even hit a good shot, the focus is not on the shot but more on how many strokes I’m getting.
They’ve complained about my handicap constantly, like the only reason I could possibly beat them is because the system is broken. And when they’re losing or end up losing to me, they get angry, and in noticeably pissed off. On top of that, they’ve started laughing at me when I hit a bad shot. Not good-natured joking, but that sort of mocking “of course you did that” laugh.
I still hit plenty of bad shots (I’m very much a work in progress), but it’s gotten to the point where it’s uncomfortable rather than funny. One of the guys is totally fine, same as always, supportive, normal banter. But the other two have made this season not fun. It’s taken something that’s supposed to be fun and turned it into something I find myself dreading.
So I’m torn. Part of me thinks it’s a bit much to quit the tradition over a couple of guys being jerks about golf. But the reality is I don’t want to commit to another year of listening to them whine every time I do something right and mock me when I mess up. The whole point of this thing was to have fun, and that’s not what it feels like anymore.
WIBTA if I told them I’m out for next year? I don’t want to cause drama or blow up the group, but I also don’t want to sign myself up for months of being treated like I’m doing something wrong just because I finally improved a little.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
thevoiceofreason_ish wrote:
INFO: Have you ever asked them what their deal is? Your description of these two does not correlate to my understanding of what a friend is.
OP responded:
Fair question...no I have not. Giving strokes to the higher handicapper (and then complaining about it) is one of those golfing tropes that I hadn't really had to deal with because I've usually played poorly so I kinda thought our group was better than that. But being a trope it is one of those things that can be considered kinda of expected to some degree which is kind of the reason for this post.
AussieDave63 wrote:
NTA - I would suggest checking in with the one guy who doesn't act like a wanker when you play. Just let him know that you are thinking of finding new playing companions and see what his reaction is. Best case, he might have had a gutful of them too and have some advice / help for you - or worst case, he backs them up in which case you know what you need to do.
OP responded:
I was thinking of that. With the holidays going on, been tough to get together! Good idea though...
Hennahands wrote:
NTA, but also since presumably your handicap will be different going in to the next year it won’t matter?
OP responded:
It will be a little lower but who knows if it will be enough to not matter.
tjttwitter1522 wrote:
YTA. To yourself. Beat them with your high handicap and lick their tears with joy... and creepiness.
OP responded:
Okay, that made me laugh!
iheartwords wrote:
NTA. You said it yourself, it’s not fun; so why would you do it? A word of advice because these are the type of guys who will never own their actions, don’t say I don’t like it when guys put me down and aren’t happy for me so I’m not going to play with you. Make it about their actions, not your reaction. They’ll just say you’re being sensitive. Tell them they aren’t fun, which is true.
Professional-Scar628 wrote:
NTA why do you feel the need to play the jester for these men. Are any of them Kings? Seriously though, why do you want to hang out with people who bullied you. Why do you feel wrong for not putting yourself in a position to be bullied again? You and your feelings are important, treat them that way.
Maybe you and the not bully friend can just gold without the other two, maybe you can find new people to golf with. Ones who don't feel the need to be assholes because things didn't go the way they wanted.