'AITA for asking my coworker if he’s raising his kid like a retirement plan after he (& others) mocked me for being single?'
"AITA for asking my coworker if he’s raising his kid like a retirement plan after he mocked me for being single?"
I (24F) have been working at my company for over 2 years now. I’ve had a few flings but never got into anything serious. I just know deep down that commitment, marriage, and especially kids aren’t for me.
Like… the idea of someone being in my space 24/7 and kids needing constant attention? Exhausting. But I don’t judge anyone who wants that, live your life. I just know what I want, and I’ve told my close work friends that a few times.
Problem is, in our culture, being single after 30 is seen as a red flag. People think if you’re not married or popping out babies, something’s wrong with you. So anytime I say I don’t want to get married or have kids, I get hit with “you’ll change your mind” or “you’ll regret it.”
Anyway, we were chilling near our desks when one coworker (dating a guy way younger and insecure af) said girls like me have “too high standards” and would end up alone.
She even pointed to the single ladies (mid to late twenties) like it was a cautionary tale. I just laughed and said being single actually sounds peaceful. Then one of the dads chimed in like, “Okay but who’s gonna take care of you when you’re old?”
I said, “Having kids doesn’t guarantee that. There are cases where even a dozen kids can't & won't take care of their parents.”
He got smug and went, “Still better to be sure. You better start now”
So I replied, “Wait… are you raising your kid like a retirement plan? Like investing in an asset and expecting a return on the investment?” I said kids don’t owe their parents anything just because they were born. You chose to have them, not the other way around. Taking care of you should be love, not obligation.
And yeah… dead silence after that. Nervous chuckles. You know the vibe. I just laughed and went back to my seat. I would’ve let it slide but this isn’t the first time they’ve made comments like that, like I’m living life wrong for not wanting what they want.
Later, I remembered what one of my friends said about most people in my workplace and in my country being conservative and “not ready” for my mindset. Sometimes I get too radical and I know that as well. So now I’m wondering… AITA for being that blunt? Should I have stayed quiet and listened to their “life advice”?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Nursing Homes are full of people waiting for their kids to visit.
So true! My mom told us to put her in our local one. Kept her busy with activities. One of would visit her every day of the week. But don’t go during bingo time. She’d tell us to leave.
NTA. What you said is true. They could be in for a rude awakening when they get old.
Cookiesandpastries (OP)
I just asked them to watch this Hindi movie called “Baghban” to widen their perspectives. I know it is not good but sometimes I just get too defensive, not just for myself but for everyone who chose or is choosing a similar path to me.
Carve your own path with no regret!! Marriage and children are a truly wonderful thing IF that’s what you want for yourself! You know what else is great? Being single and having autonomy if that’s what suits you best. You get to decide!!
Cookiesandpastries (OP)
As cliche as this sounds, my body, my choice. I always preach this. It's sad that people don't know even try to understand this.
NTA. I’d have loved to be there.
Cookiesandpastries (OP)
If you could have seen the look on their faces. They were all smirking like I'm deadass going to bear the brunt for my stance. Never in my life have I ever punched someone but the urge was very strong. 🤌🏻
I looove when they're hit with the "oh, so you take care of your parents, right?" and it's crickets.
Cookiesandpastries (OP)
Damn! Why didn't I think of this? This would have been the cherry on top because I know he doesn't really get along with his mother. For next time🫢
I’m 55 my husband and I are childfree by choice. All my life. I had the same thing “You’ll change your mind when you get older”. I did not change my mind. Being childfree is brilliant.
You were without a doubt in the right. I would just be careful because people can be petty and you still have to work there.