'AITA for intentionally raising my kids as a single dad and refusing to date despite family pressure?'

"AITA for raising my kids as a single dad instead of trying to find them a new mom/mom figure?"

My ex left me and our kids 3.5 years ago. Our daughter was 3.5 at the time and our son was 18 months old. She has nothing to do with me or the kids now and that includes child support though I'm trying to get that for their sake.

Ever since my marriage ended I have been focused on the kids and that's where I plan to keep most of my focus for the next decade or more. My kids are still young and will need me to provide the best life I can to them. Dating is not something I'm interested in much to the pain of my family.

My sister has tried to set me up with two of her friends and mom tried to set me up with a single mom co-worker of hers. I spoke to the women they wanted me to meet but I just wasn't interested. It drove my mom and sister crazy who asked me what was wrong with those women and to explain the kind of partner I want.

My mom told me the kids need a mom in their lives and raising them alone is not in their best interest. I have stepped back twice because of the pushiness and right now they are in time out because they would not let up on me. They said the kids would benefit from me blending families with someone or giving them a stepmom.

When I told them it would not be better for them if I'm dating just to give them a mom because that's not a good foundation for a new relationship, they said I should find someone I want. And I made it clear my interest is in raising my kids and not my love life. I even had them ask what my daughter will do when she gets older and doesn't have a mom to speak to.

I am incredibly lucky that my best friend in the world is amazing and she's happy to talk to my daughter if she ever wants/needs. And she's in my kids' lives and they know her and my kids are close with her husband too so we have our own support/village. It's better than what my family offers right now and sadly better than their maternal family have been willing to offer.

And now I've had to block several family members because even in time out they keep pushing. So now I'm here asking, because my family are relentless AITA for raising the kids on my own? Am I failing my kids?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Creative_Carrot_7514 said:

NTA, Studies show that they will be fine with a single Dad. You are trying to keep your children out of toxic cycles, and that is great.

Trailsya said:

Marriages that result in blended families are far less likely to succeed than marriages where both parents are the actual parents. I think you are very wise. Don't listen to your stupid relatives. NTA. Good to have supporting friends. Focus on them and other friends that form your village/community.

OP responded:

I've heard that before and had some experience with friends growing up. A lot of them also hated their stepfamilies which stayed with me, I'll be honest. I had more than one friend cheer when their mom or dad divorced the second or third time or whatever.

jrm1102 said:

NTA - this is your choice. Continue doing whats right for you and your kids.

Holiday-Most-7129 said:

I have a feeling your kids will be a lot happier and well adjusted than many single parents who cycle through bad relationships. Good on you for doing what every parent should, putting your kids first. Its obvious that you are a great dad, and a great person. NTA

OP responded:

I'd like to think so. I don't want to put us in a cycle of misery where everyone I bring home doesn't work and the kids struggle and I struggle and it's not fair to any woman to be brought home for the purpose of my kids and not the actual relationship. Those relationships always seem to turn out the most toxic and I've seen them in others. Not what I want for any of us.

Kaninjah said:

NTA. Your sister and mum should just back off. You're the father and know what's best for your kids.

WRB2 said:

It sounds like stuff is well under control and you have the bases covered. NTA.

Please make sure you find time for you.

OP responded:

Yeah, I make sure I carve out time for myself here and there. My best friend and her husband babysit occasionally and I get me time while the kids have a lot of fun at a sleepover. And then I return the favor lol.

Broad-Rooster135 said:

I was raised by a single dad who remarried several times. Stepmothers are not always better than no mother. Your kids may deal with abandonment issues later in life, as no kid will ever understand why a mother leaves, but another woman in their life isn't necessarily the answer to it. Wishing you all the support in the world. Im so sorry she left. As I know how that feels from a kids perspective. Makes me wanna cry. NTA.

OP responded:

I'm sorry you know that pain. Answering those questions is never easy and I can never assure them of a relationship in the future. If anything I don't think that's ever going to happen.

DutchieVN said:

I would applaud you for doing it this way, and being careful who you introduce into your kids lives. Tell your family to back off, and as you said, focus on the helpful people you do have in your life!