'AITA for reading my twin sister's text messages after she destroyed my family?'

"AITA for reading my twin sister's text messages after she destroyed my family?"

TL;DR: My parents promised to split their assets with me and my twin sister, but over the years they gave everything to her, she manipulated them, had an affair, and I recently found texts showing her and her partner are trying to not give my parents money and keep me out of any inheritance. Now my parents are acting like nothing happened and telling me to “let it go,” and I feel like I’ve lost my family.

Full story if you have time... I’m in my 40s with a twin sister (“Lucy”). We’ve always been really different - she’s got a solid high-paying job, two kids, and lives near my parents. I’m a freelance designer who travels a lot, with no kids and less stable income. She stayed close to home, I moved away for work, but I’ve always stayed in touch and been close to my family.

My parents always said their assets would be split 50/50 between us. My mum's words, “You’ll always have half the house,” gave me a sense of security. Then my sister had her first child and needed a lot of support.

By this point, my parents by had sold their house, and decided to give Lucy money for a deposit on a new house, and build themselves an annex on the land so they could support her with childcare. In return, she promised to look after them in their old age. I thought this was really risky, as my sister's husband barely supported her, but it was their life and decision.

During the pandemic, I had a breakdown in front of my parents because I’d lost all my work. I mentioned at least I’d have half the house someday, and my mum just said, completely calm, “I’m sorry, that money’s gone” - they'd given it all to Lucy. I was devastated.

They offered a “consolation” that I could live in the annex one day if I needed to. No legal agreement, just trust in my sister’s husband. It felt like they’d forgotten I even existed.

Fast forward a few years, my husband and I rented my sister’s spare room while we were planning our next travels, and we saw how toxic her marriage really was. I warned my parents to get something in writing about their investment, but they told me to “keep my mouth shut” and be grateful I had a place to stay. That argument was the worst we’ve ever had and it pushed me into therapy.

My therapist helped me see my mum’s fear of abandonment drives a lot of her behavior. She had a rough childhood and she tends to reward whoever stays close and punish whoever “leaves.” It explains things, but obviously doesn’t excuse it.

Things deteriorated just before we moved out, when my sister admitted she was having an affair with a married coworker, “Stuart”. It blew up spectacularly when her husband saw them on home security cameras, the police got involved, and she later accused him of emotional harm.

I think Stuart pushed her to exaggerate things to get her husband out of the picture so they could have the house and start their new life. As the house was now going to be sold, my mum said she’d “make things fair again” and could give me something when they got their investment back.

But then Lucy got pregnant by Stuart, and suddenly everyone was singing his praises. She told me that they wouldn’t be able to give me any money because Lucy had debts to pay off (60k), and any talk of fairness disappeared again. My mum gaslit me again and told me they never made any concrete plans with me to give me anything.

Now for the worst bit (it all feels horrible I know!)… recently, my parents said they might move back into the annex, and my sister and Stuart would buy out her husband so they can move in as well. Alarm bells were ringing, so I told them to make sure they get a legal contract this time to protect themselves.

Apparently Stuart and Lucy had no problem with this, and my mum had even asked if something could be added to the contract that would give me something if the house ever sold after they died. No problem, Stuart said.

Weeeell… while I was setting up my sister’s wifi I saw texts between her and Stuart (I know it was wrong, but I had a bad gut feeling) and he wrote this:

“None of this works unless I agree to it.”

“I laid it on thick with your mum and told her you were 70k in debt.”

“ I don't think they (my parents) really need the money.”

“She does realise that house is her grandsons inheritance and their future hell.”

“Laura is the puppet master.” My sister responds “Agree”

“If she pushes or is difficult, then we leave things as is. They stay in CITY, that house eventually sells and they get nothing and neither does Laura.”

“Hey it's fine, we will set out our stall. And if we buy (the house) it's ours and there will be no written agreements for anyone except you.”

I took screenshots and showed my parents. At first, they were furious. Then my mum completely changed her mind and said they were “just venting”. She told Lucy what I’d done, and now Lucy “doesn’t want contact". My mum told me to “let it go.” My dad still messages me casually, pretending nothing happened.

I feel like I’ve lost my family twice and not sure how to move forward with this.

So: 1.) AITAH for reading my sister’s messages?

2.) AITAH for wanting no relationship with my sister?

3.) Was her partner “just venting”, or is his language troublesome?

4.) How do I move forward with parents who gaslight and dismiss me?

5.) If all we ever talk about is my sister and her issues, is there even a relationship left to save? Should I consider cutting off my parents as well to protect myself from further pain and broken promises?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Cybermagetx said:

YTA to yourself. Go full NC and stop hurting yourself. With all of them.

DragonflyOdd9486 said:

It sounds like your parents have always enabled your sister and ignored how unfairly you were treated. You didn’t destroy anything — you just uncovered the truth that was already there. The way they’ve handled money, favoritism, and boundaries is deeply unhealthy. Please keep prioritizing therapy and your own peace.

OP responded:

Thank you so much for this. I've been going round and round, re-reading their messages, trying to make sense of it all but I don't think it's possible. I have kept trying to make things work, ignoring my feelings again and again and telling myself my sister just needs more help.

But deep down I've known this wasn't right. I know my parents love me but when they treat me like this how can I have a relationship with them. I'd have to pretend everything was fine and that feels impossible right now.

wishingforarainyday said:

I’d call out your parents and tell them their favoritism is showing. Tell your mom you feel abandoned by her and can see there needs to be low contact with her. Your dad is spineless. I’m sorry OP.

CaptainBeefy79 said:

NTA, but JFC, I wouldn’t want any further relationship with any of those AH’s. Your entire immediate family sounds awful.

OP responded:

Sadly I think you're right. It's wild that I tried to convince myself for so many years that this was all normal. It's only as I began to understand gaslighting and see a therapist that I realized just how dysfunctional they all are.

CocoaAlmondsRock said:

Ask your parents flat out what they're planning. Are they going to change their will to give your sister everything or most everything? Are they going to do anything to protect your inheritance?

If they make excuses or won't do anything, just let them all go. Literally let them go. They have chosen your sister, and there's nothing you can do. Focus on yourself and your husband. Your sister can care for them when they get old.

And OP responded:

I sadly know what they're planning. My mum sent me this message: "We’re having a doc drawn up to cover the main risks and discussed it today with Lucy and then Stuart. We are content that it’s the protection we need.

We havnt read what you sent (I sent them questions they could ask the solicitor and reasons why Stuart's language is not just venting) it’s just not necessary or appropriate. As I said your opinions are yours and we’ll make our own minds up and bear the consequences if any.

I told Lucy about you reading the texts and sharing them with us. Of course she’s upset that you did that. She doesn't want to communicate with you in any way and vice versa. It was a very difficult conversation for me and I now want to draw a line under it all.

We’re here if you need us and I mean that but let’s just have a break from all the angst. Please just respect Lucy's wishes and get on with your own life."

I haven't replied to her message as this is just so dismissive and hurtful so I messaged both my parents in a group chat to tell them how hurt I was and that I'd need to take time to look after myself and I'm stepping back.

I absolutely need to let them go.