'AITA for reading something hurtful about my SIL after finding her reading my private journal?'
"AITA for reading something hurtful about my SIL after finding her reading my private journal?"
Growing up, I (32M) used to journal. To my knowledge, no one knew about it or read the heartfelt thoughts I recorded, and if they did, they never disclosed that my privacy had been breached. Journaling became a source of comfort, so I continued well into my teenage years. As a male, I felt a bit self-conscious about it, so I used to hide this fact.
My parents are moving, and since they’ve had this house since my childhood, there's a lot of packing, organizing, and decluttering to do. As they're older, they need some help, so my brother (39M) and I came over to assist. While helping them, I found my brother and his wife (38F) huddled together, snickering as they read through a journal.
It was just a regular composition book, but instinctively I knew it was one of my “special” journals by their stupid giggles. so I asked, 'isn’t that mine?' As I walked over.
I didn’t know exactly what they were reading, but I knew it was obviously personal and none of their business. I told my brother to give it back, and when I reached for it, he told me to chill and snatched it back. We ended up wrestling over the book, causing enough commotion for my parents to come and see/ask what was going on.
He says something like, “You guys HAVE to hear this,” and starts reading the entry out loud. His wife is outright laughing, and he’s struggling to read full sentences without breaking into laughter.
The memory of what they’re reading comes flooding back, and I feel a wave of huge embarrassment. I was fifteen at the time, and my twenty two year old brother had just started dating a girl (his now wife) who I thought was hot and way out of his league.
That journal, without exaggeration, is nearly two decades old and yet they were getting a real kick out of themselves, exchanging comments to my detriment & wanting to take pictures of the page. My annoyance turned to irritation.
Yes, she was attractive, but within two years of their relationship, I realized she was ugly inside. I still feel the same way today. I vividly remember writing something harsh about her in one of my journals when I was 18. It stands out because it happened right after my grandmother passed away, and her behavior during our time of mourning felt selfish and insensitive. She’s still that kind of person.
So, I retrieved the journal that contained that particular passage & read it aloud, too. I’ll admit what I wrote was mean and about how negatively I perceived her character.
I told them everything written was my most up to date view of her, as nothing has changed about them. I truly find them insufferable and unpleasant people. Things went quiet, and then my brother acted like he wanted to fight me. They eventually left.
Now, days later, my brother is blaming me for triggering her depression, which I didn’t even know she struggled with. He says she’s been questioning her character, and my words are really getting to her. I reminded him of the passage I wrote when I was 15, the one they read aloud and found so amusing, and suggested he refer back to that if he wants to cheer her up.
He’s telling anyone who will listen that I unnecessarily hurt his wife’s feelings and that I’m an a%$^ole. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Aren’t you all a little too old for this?
journalaita OP responded:
Too old for what?
OPs brother and SIL are definitely too old to be going mean girl over a journal entry that was written over 15 years ago.
Sounds like he doesn't keep one anymore, so maybe he did grow out of it.
journalaita OP responded:
I did grow out of it. Life improved when I went to college and moved away from my family, and I no longer felt the need to write as often. Even if I was still journaling, Idk why that other person is so worked up. Lmao
What was your parents’ reaction to the reading of the journal out loud? Were they mortified and asking them to stop?
journalaita OP responded:
My parents initially stood there and listened to what he read. They seemed genuinely confused about our conflict and thought that what he was reading might explain it. Once they had heard enough, my dad interrupted him and asked me if I really wrote that.
I told him, yeah, when I was all of fifteen. As the situation escalated, they kept calling us all immature & told us to knock it off or get out of their house. I can admit it was a childish situation, but yeah.
Honestly, you’re 32, you should have laughed at them and at your old self and let it go. Whose old journal entries aren’t ridiculous?
journalaita OP responded:
If I tell you to give me back my private journal and you forcefully refuse, read it aloud, laugh maniacally, and want to take pictures to share with others, I won’t take it lightly. I’m unsure I’d even find this funny from a “friend”, let alone a brother with whom I already have a strained relationship.
NTA - They wanted to read your inner most thoughts and feelings. You only gave them more of what they wanted.
NTA - BRAVO! It was lots of fun when they were humiliating you but now, she’s depressed? She should question her character! Sounds like her & your brother are perfect together. Secure all of your journals and let them stew in the drama they’ve created.
There's a big difference between depression and being upset because you were called out. Now, you're either a) reflecting and realizing OP was right, and you're in the wrong, or b) proving them right by playing the victim and using a mental health condition as a shield. Either way, none of this would have happened if they’d just been decent and returned the journal once they realized what it was.
Yes, that's not depression, that's SHAME and sounds like she deserves it.