'AITA for reconsidering marrying my fiancée after finding out what she did 10 yrs ago?'
"AITA for having second thoughts about marrying my fiancée after I learned about what she did 10 years ago?"
My fiancee and I got engaged last month, and we’ve been in a relationship for 4 years. I was very excited about marrying her and having her as a life partner until I learned something recently which is making me have second thoughts.
To provide some more context, my fiancée always seemed a bit nervous around my sister. I asked my fiancee about it, and she just said they were old high school friends. When I asked my sister, she too said the same thing, but she was always a bit cold to my fiancee.
This carried on the entire time we were dating, and my sister was always somewhat cold to my fiancee. When I told her I proposed and was engaged, she congratulated me but she didn’t seem too excited or thrilled for me, which surprised me because we are always each other’s biggest supporters and well wishers.
But, I did not make too much of it, and was really excited that I was engaged and was going to marry the love of my life.
However, last week, my sister called me for a serious chat. She said she always wanted to get it off her chest, but that she didn’t want to interfere in my relationship but that she felt I had the right to know before marrying my fiancee.
She told me she was distant friends with my fiancee in high school, but that friendship was broken after her boyfriend had cheated on her with my fiancee. She said my fiancee knew about their relationship but she still chose to hookup with her boyfriend.
I was a bit shocked, because I remember consoling my sister for a few months after her boyfriend cheated on her. I just didn’t know that the person he had cheated on with was my fiancee.
The next day, I asked my fiancée about it, and she fully admitted to it, but she was also in tears. She said that was a horrible mistake she made in high school, and she felt guilty about it, and that she is a completely changed woman, and that experience taught her so much.
While I do believe my fiancée that she is a changed woman, and that she is not the type to cheat, I am just having second thoughts about everything. I still remember the hurt my sister felt in high school, and to now know that my fiancée was responsible for the hurt, it makes me look at her in a different light.
AITA for having second thoughts about marrying my fiancee?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA - we all do stupid stuff in high school we are not proud of. People change over ten years. I would ask her why she did not bring this up. It’s never to late to apologize. Good luck.
It's never too late to apologize, but the time for forgiveness may have passed.
Yup! Actions and behavior speaks louder than words.
Tbf, fiancée didn't cheat. It's sister's ex that cheated.
It takes 2 to cheat. Fiancee KNEW boyfriend had a girlfriend and still got together with him.
Teenage are stupid… I would hope someone isn’t the same as they were as a kid…
You need her to rebuild trust, but would you like to be judged solely on the worst thing you ever did? How much have you grown and changed since high school. Be open and honest about your feelings, but don't jump the gun right away.
RichAdol OP responded:
I just wish my fiancee came clean immediately, and that she also apologized to my sister sincerely.
I'm not really judging my fiancee for what she did in high school, I love my fiancee, I know she's a completely different person from the person she was in high school.
To be honest, what she did to someone in high school wouldn't even bother me normally, I wouldn't even want to know about it, but I guess it's the fact that she did it to my sister and it hurt my sister so much. My emotions are a bit messed up about this, and maybe not rational. Also seeing it from my sister's POV, it must hurt that my fiancee could be a potential SIL.
A past cheating incident may be over looked but assuming your fiancee saw your sister often during those 4 years together with her and your fiancee, being able to keep that kind of secret from you so flawlessly for that long is the bigger concern. It's not like it was out of her mind...for 4 years! NTAH
RichAdol OP responded:
The more I think about it, the more I'm just starting to get more doubts. I don't really blame my sister for waiting to tell me, she was waiting for my fiancee to come clean, but my fiancee never did, and my sister just wanted to tell me before I married my fiancee.
I do love my fiancee, and yes, I understand people do dumb stuff in high school and they grow from their mistakes, and I know my fiancee is not the same person she was in high school.
But I knew first hand how much that breakup hurt my sister, how many hours and days and months we talked about it, how much she cried, and to now know my fiancee was one of the reasons for her hurt, I'm just seeing my fiancee in a different light now.