'Refuse to come to our wedding? I'll make you look at photos all day.' UPDATED
"Refuse to come to our wedding? I'll make you look at photos all day."
Quick background: My husband's family flat-out refused to come to our wedding because they didn't feel he was "free" to marry after his divorce. This naturally put a massive amount of stress on us, but we went ahead and got married without them.
Anyway, after not speaking to us for months, they decided they wanted to come by for a "visit". I have absolutely no desire to see any of them, but they're family so we can't say no.
I knew I had to get revenge, but it couldn't be obvious. So, I decided to redecorate my living room. Every single piece of décor in the main area of the house is from our wedding. Pictures here, my bouquet there, pieces from the sand ceremony on the shelf. Let's not forget the huge wooden "Mr. & Mrs." hanging up too.
Think you're safe in the kitchen? Wrong!! I have a fridge magnet with our wedding date and such on it that we got for a gift up on the fridge and an invitation hanging next to it. You wanted to avoid the wedding? Let me surround you with wonderful memories of our big day.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
tyronomo wrote:
You should have sat them down and run through a 'slide show' with the wedding photos too :D
OP responded:
That would have been great but maybe a bit TOO obvious.
B*tcheslovebabies wrote:
The whole ”I don't want to but they're family” thing will eventually ruin your life. If they drive you crazy then don't have them around, things will bottle up and eventually explode.
OP responded:
My husband has never had a good relationship with them. He saw them went he went out of state for training in May but that was the first time in over three years. So, deal with it now and we should be good for at LEAST another year. Hopefully longer.
MildlyMild wrote:
Wait, is this your throwaway or not? And is that guy actually your husband in the comments?
OP responded:
Yes, this is a throwaway and no, that guy isn't my husband. My husband has an account, but just upvotes or downvotes. He doesn't comment.
For2fly wrote:
"I have absolutely no desire to see any of them, but they're family so we can't say no."
It's one thing to marry into a family that's antagonistic. It's another for your husband to allow them to get away with their behavior.
I'm not saying your husband has to choose between you and them. I'm saying he must demand they respect you and his decision to marry you. Otherwise you both are in for more of the same treatment.
OP responded:
He keeps saying that "we can't sink down to their level" and that "we need to be the bigger people in this situation." Whatever. I just smile and nod and hold my tongue. As much as I would love to blow up and scream "You people are awful and treat your son like crap!!!" I won't. This should be the last time we have to see them for at least another year.
Purpleprinter wrote:
My in-laws "couldn't come" to our wedding. They had already pulled some other stuff including telling us that if we had the wedding on our original date, none of their family would be there as it was college football season. When my husband showed them the wedding photos, his mom cried. They have mellowed out a lot in the last decade and now we actually like to see them twice a year.
OP made sure to come back with an update:
So, the family came for a visit today and I'm extremely disappointed to say that this blew up in my face like a cheap pool toy. My husband's mom and grandma LOVED how the house was decorated and complimented me repeatedly. It sparked conversation and they wanted to see more pictures. His grandma even asked if we had a video of the wedding.
It turns out I only had part of the story. I guess his mom and grandma DID want to come to the wedding, but his dad was the one that said no. After I figured out the whole story, I decided that his dad still needed to feel my wrath. So when he asked for a cup of coffee, I gave him the coffee cup that has a chip right on the rim. HA!! Take that, you jerk!!!
Edit: Forgot to mention that my husband really had no idea I was redecorating out of revenge. He thought I was just super proud of our wedding stuff (which is true) and that I was bored with the other stuff.
Here's what people had to say to OP's update:
Davidandsarah08 wrote:
I am glad that his mom and grandma approve of the marriage. Did your spouse know that they wanted to come, but his dad said no?
OP responded:
I think he knew his grandma wanted to come, but she's 90 so it's not like she could have driven herself. I'm pretty sure his dad just called him and said "we're not coming because blah blah blah". I don't think his mom had any input at all.
shotfromguns wrote:
I am depressingly un-surprised that a man who believes someone is not "'free' to marry after his divorce" also believes that he gets to make decisions for his wife and mother(-in-law?).
OP responded:
I think his family forgot to realize it's the 2000s. Pretty sure they're stuck in the 50s.
ravenfyre wrote:
I actually had something very close to this happen in my family. Long story very short, my husband had no family come to the wedding AT ALL due to his mother's BS. (father isn't in the picture at all)
They recently made contact again due to a funeral, and at the dinner afterward everyone (her included) wanted to see every single wedding photo we could dig up on our phones (which were brand new and didn't have the good photos on them yet, grrr).
OP responded:
Families are weird.
deedee304 wrote:
Good for you that mom and grandma are on your side. Too bad dad isn't, but you are better off with the women in his family liking you if you have to choose one or the other.
cuteintern wrote:
Well, then this calls for joint- or proxy petty revenge. You must make copies of your M-I-L's favorite dozen-or-so photos, frame them, and make sure she gets them to put up around her house. And a few for your G-I-L, too, because she sounds nice.