'WIBTA if I refuse my BIL's request that I temporarily move out of my home?'

"WIBTA if I refuse my BIL's request that I temporarily move out of my home?"

My wife and I have been married for 20+ years, dating since 16. Before the age of 21 I was a degenerate. I cheated, got in trouble with the law, I was abusive (never physical but definitely verbal), I was HORRIBLE. This woman never left my side, not once. The day we found out she was pregnant, it’s like a switch flipped in my head.

Wife kept our baby against her family’s wishes (they wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t’ blame them). Her parents and siblings basically disowned her after that. I completely turned my life around, married her, went back to school, got a job, had another wonderful kid, got another degree, started a business.

I make sure she never needs to work a day in her life; my life now revolves around making hers easier. We just renewed our vows last year.

Time passed and wife has made amends with her family but they to this day do not acknowledge me (again I do not blame them).

My wife’s family lost her childhood home when she was around 13 when her parents divorced. It’s been in her family for generations. Wife always wanted to own it again. Over the last decade I kept a tab on it. About three years ago the house went up for sale, and we bought it. Wife and I have been living there since. Kids are in college so it’s just the two of us and life has been very peaceful.

Last month, my FIL died. Now MIL is alone and needs a new place to stay. One of my wife’s sisters never left the house or got married, and lives with and take care of MIL full time. None of wife's siblings can afford to take them in currently.

Wife and I had a great idea, MIL and the sister can move into our house. It was their home once so it will be familiar, we have more than enough space and funds to support both of them very comfortably and I thought it was a great opportunity for me to improve my relationship with them too.

Recently I got a call from my BIL. He liked the idea, thinks that is the best case scenario for everyone, except he has one condition: all the siblings wants ME to move out. As long as their mother is in that house, they do not want to deal with my presence whenever they want to visit their mother.

They also don’t want to feel “under my roof”. I was ready to say no until he said this : That him and his siblings had to spend years of their growing up dealing with the fall out of their parents “losing their oldest daughter to me”. The last thing I can give her is to let their mother have her kids around peacefully in the house.

In their defense wife's parents did become crazy strict on the rest of the siblings after wife left with me. But that was years ago. We are all in our 40s now. They don’t care if my wife stays or moves with me, they just want ME gone. The family is planning to place MIL in a nursing home when her health deteriorates which we are guessing will be in a year or two.

They are not trying to claim ownership of the house, I trust my wife and her family on that, they are just that appalled by my presence and wants me to live somewhere temporarily while they take care of their mother in the last few years. On one hand I want to laugh at how ridiculous his request is. On another maybe I owe it to that family.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Underdogwood said:

Dude. The only reason that your MIL & SIL even have the OPPORTUNITY to live in that house is bc YOU BOUGHT IT. Your wife's sibs need to grow the eff up and realize that people CAN change over the course of 30 years.

Their refusal to acknowledge the fact that you are a completely different person now than you were back then is totally insulting to you AND your wife. They should be grateful that you made the opportunity available. Their proposal is utterly selfish & insulting. NTA.

Apprehensive_War9612 said:

They’re using your mother-in-law’s illness as an opportunity to separate you from your family.

You may have a lot of guilt for how you treated your wife, but you said you started dating at 16 and before 21 when you got your life together, you were an asshole. It’s been 20 years. You did what you did and you acted how you acted when you were literally a child. And so now you’re considering allowing these people and their grudge to separate you from your children. Does that work for your family?

I can’t believe this is real because it sounds completely asinine and you can tell your brother-in-law that he can either step up and be able to support his mother in a comfortable lifestyle or he could suck it up and deal.

You don’t owe that family a goddamn thing. You owe your wife to be better and you owe your children to be there for them and you seem like you’ve done that. NTA.

Couette-Couette said:

the way your FIL and MIL treated your in laws after your wife had left with you had nothing to do with you. It was FIL and MIL doing.

your wife is not a puppet. She chose you over her family (and was disowned for that). It was perhaps very stupid but it was her choice and probably also the result of her upbringing.

Don't let your in laws paint you as the devil instead of admiting that their family has been pretty lame. Now, they can take the opportunity to have their mother living under YOUR roof (and with you) or find another accommodation. NTA (at least for this specific question).

FitSprinkles6307 said:

You the ah to even consider this asinine request.

OutrageousHoliday321 said:

I would not be moving out. Also, are they offering to pay for your new living arrangements?

OP responded:

My wife and I still have the apt we own before this house, kids likes to live there whenever they are in town but it’s been empty otherwise. He feels more comfortable with the bold request cuz I could also just move there.

Winter-Rest-1674 said:

Before I give my advice, what is your wife’s opinion?

OP responded:

This just happened and I don’t think wife even knows about it. The impression I get is that wife told them our original plan and they are still at “well all think about it and discuss plans again” phase. I know for a wife wife would be either a) completely shoot the plan down or b) insists she comes with me.

The reason I am getting advice before I even turn to her is I didnt know if I should just tell my wife “hey this is what your brother said and I’m totally willing to do it” from the get go in order to make her feel better about it if in fact we did decide I will leave.