'AITA for refusing to name my daughter after my grandmother?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to name my daughter after my grandmother?"
I am currently seven months pregnant with our second child. For our first child, we honored my grandfather by using his name as our son's middle name. My husband and I have already chosen a name and middle name for our daughter. The middle name is in memory of his sister who passed away when he was a child.
We informed my grandparents of our decision several months ago. This morning, we received a group text from my grandfather requesting that we use my grandmother's name as our daughter's middle name. He believes it would make her very happy, given all that she has done for me that we should heavily consider it and that he likes the sound of it.
My husband is still asleep, and I know that this topic is sensitive for him so I texted my grandfather privately to explain our reasoning behind choosing the middle name we have selected.
I explained that it's only fair since I was able to choose our son's middle name, and now it is my husband's turn and this name holds significant meaning for him, and I hope he will understand our decision.
He texted back was that he understood, but said he is very disappointed. I feel it's unfair to guilt trip us over names. My father and I both received my grandmother's middle name even though I know my mom wanted to give me another middle name – she was pressured into naming me after my grandmother as well.
I just told him I'm sorry to hear that and left it at that. I appreciate everything my grandmother has done for me and her name was considered during our process along with my mother's name who has sadly already passed away.
He texted back again asking if we could do 2 middle names which we have considered in the beginning but the way he went about this really rubs me the wrong way that I don't want to do it. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your kid, your right to pick the name. There are already two other people with her name as their middle name- what more does she need? Jfc. People are strange. Tell them to get a dog and give it grandmas name.
ArielAmore OP responded:
Lmao, I wish I could upvote your comment twice. She has been wanting a dog.
My MIL threw a huge tantrum for months over my baby’s name (her first grandchild). She didn’t speak to me for 6 months of my pregnancy.
If he keeps texting you about this then continue to not reply back. He already knows your answer and how you feel.
You don't need to stress out over him wanting what they want. This isn't about them. They had their moment and 2 people are named after her. She doesn't need a 3rd named after her. Name your baby what you and your husband want. This is about you both and you shouldn't have to feel pressure because he doesn't understand the word no.
Update from OP a few hours later:
I would like to add a few more details and an update for more clarity, based on some of the comments.
First, I could tell by the texts that my grandfather didn't remember us telling them we were naming our daughter after my husbands late sister as he started it off as if we hadn't picked out a name yet. We only mentioned it one time about 4 months ago.
He's 79 and my grandmother is 86 so it's difficult for them to remember a lot of what I've told them, so I have to repeat myself a lot. They barely remember the first name we chose and have asked what the first name was just about every week for the past 4 months.
Secondly, I understand that sharing the name may not be the best idea. However, when we named our son, no one in the family requested any names and were very supportive of our choice. This is why I did not anticipate any issues this time around. Additionally, they are the only family members who are aware of my pregnancy.
My husband and I have both lost our mothers, and he has limited contact with his father, while I have had no contact with my father for the past ten years. As a result, they are the only family members we still speak to.
Third, I do not believe she has any involvement in him asking for the name. She is the only person who has ever expressed sympathy towards my husband regarding the loss of his mother and sister.
As far as my father and I both sharing her middle name, I believe it was my father who initially persuaded my mother to give me the same middle name as him and my grandmother. Growing up, he made it evident that he disliked his middle name and insinuated many times that if he had to have it, so should I.
My husband and I have had a discussion and have come to a decision. We have chosen to keep the name we have selected and will not be adding anything to it. We do not intend to engage in further discussions about this matter with my grandfather.
We hope that he will accept our decision and refrain from bringing it up again. My husband has made it clear that if my grandfather persists in discussing this topic, he will personally communicate his feelings on the matter.