'WIBTA if I won't attend my BFF’s wedding since she’s making guests pay for everything?'

"WIBTA if I refused to attend my best friend’s wedding because she’s making guests pay for everything?"

I (28F) have been best friends with Emily (29F) for over a decade. I’ve seen her through every breakup, job change, and 'finding herself' phase. So when she told me she was finally getting married, I was genuinely thrilled for her. At first, everything sounded fine; until the wedding planning started turning into a full-blown money pit… for everyone but her.

Emily’s having a destination wedding in Amalfi, Italy, which already means thousands in flights and hotels. I expected that. What I didn’t expect was a Google Doc titled “Wedding Guest Contributions .” It had a detailed breakdown of costs that she expects each guest to cover:

-$300 for the rehearsal dinner (mandatory, apparently). -$250 for group activities like boat tours and wine tastings. -$150 for wedding attire coordination- she wants everyone in matching pastel tones for her photo shoot -$100 wedding gift fund. Yes, she literally made a minimum gift contribution.

When I told her I couldn’t swing that much, especially after travel costs, she brushed it off with, “Everyone’s chipping in, it’s not that big of a deal. Love requires effort.” Meanwhile, she’s been posting on Instagram nonstop about her new designer handbag, luxury spa days, and even a bachelorette trip to Paris — which she covered fully for herself, but expected the bridesmaids to split her fiancé’s flight??!

Atp, it doesn’t even feel like she wants to celebrate love, it feels like she wants to fund a lifestyle (while draining everyone's pockets) I told her I might not be able to make it, and she got cold, saying she "expected more loyalty” and that real friends support each other's dreams.

Don't get me wrong; I love her, but I’m starting to feel completely taken advantage of. I’ve supported her through everything, but I can’t justify going into debt for her aesthetic wedding lifestyle. So WIBTA if I told her I’m not coming because I refuse to pay thousands for someone else’s big day?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Chilling_Storm said:

I wouldn't pay to attend many things but especially a wedding!

OP responded:

Exactly! I mean, it's HER day, and I'm literally her best friend. Why would she demand my loyalty in such a manner? I wanna be there for her, but not at the cost of my budget.

Dapper_Ad_819 said:

NTA send your regrets and move on. She’s being absurd.

Ok_Chance_4584 said:

"You can have my loyalty, but not my life savings."

NTA for living within your means.

GoetheundLotte said:

NTA, that is really cheap and demanding, do not attend and clearly state why.

LibraCyn said:

No friend would do that to other friends . Period. This isn't a wedding; it's a charity ball. If a bride wants a dream wedding of a specific style, they pay for it themselves.

tomyownrhythm said:

I had my wedding near Amalfi this year. We paid for everything except people’s flights and hotel. We even hired a shuttle to run from the hotel to the venue.

OP responded:

Thisss!! Honestly, I hope she's on this website to see what people have to say