'AITA for refusing to let my sister adopt my baby after she called me 'unfit' for being a single mom?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to let my sister adopt my baby after she called me 'unfit' for being a single mom?"
I (27F) got pregnant unexpectedly after a short relationship. The father isn’t involved, but I decided to keep the baby. My family has been supportive — except for my older sister (34F), who has been struggling with infertility for years.
From the moment she found out I was pregnant, she kept making comments like, “It’s not fair that you get to be a mom when you’re not even married.” She even suggested multiple times that I let her and her husband adopt my baby since they’re “better equipped” to raise a child. I shut that down every time.
After my son was born, she came to visit and started crying when she held him. I felt bad until she said, “He should have been mine. You can’t provide what he needs like we can.” I told her she was way out of line, and she exploded, calling me selfish for “hoarding” the baby while she’s “destined to be childless.”
I asked her to leave, and now she’s telling our family that I’m “heartless” and “ruining her only chance at being a mom.” Some relatives think I should “at least consider it” since being a single mom is hard. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
The sister has clearly developed severe mental problems, most likely from dealing with infertility. Frankly, I’d be more than a little frightened of her.
Or an auntie or anything else that would bring her in contact with baby or OP. This just screams ‼️DANGER ‼️DANGER ‼️ DANGER ‼️
A lot of people would rather placate the one making the noise than tell them to do some self reflection? Or OP is the squirrel in the nuthouse and everybody is living with a skewed sense of what's right.
Yes, being a single mother is hard but nowhere near impossible. Anybody not suggesting the sister get help shouldn't be anywhere near the baby. I'd be worried one of them might "accidentally" sneak her the door out to sister.
I feel like she will call CPS and make up stuff to get the baby.
This happened to a family member that I have but was a sister in law. Her brother was lost to addiction and his wife asked the family for a small amount of help- food, diapers, etc. while she got on her feet.
The sister in law said if she gave her baby!!! to her permanently to raise as her own that since they were well off that he would never want for anything. She told her, if you really love him you’ll give him to me. Seriously what is wrong with people.
10 days later OP came back with this update:
Thank you to everyone who weighed in — even those who disagreed. A lot has happened since my original post, so here’s the update.
After I kicked my sister out, she ramped up the drama. She started posting cryptic messages on social media about “selfish people” and “babies in the wrong hands.” Then, she went full tilt, outright claiming that I was neglecting my son and that CPS should step in. She didn’t tag me, but everyone in our circle knew who she was talking about.
I was furious but also scared, so I started documenting everything: texts, social media posts, and anything she said to other family members. I also spoke to a lawyer to make sure my rights were secure and to prepare for any crazy moves on her part.
Then came the final straw. She showed up at my house unannounced with her husband, claiming they just wanted to “talk.” I refused to let them in, and my sister yelled through the door, “You’re ruining this baby’s life!” Her husband tried to guilt me, saying, “We’d give him a better future, and you know it.” I told them to leave or I’d call the police.
After that, I decided to go low contact with her and anyone who sided with her. My parents initially tried to mediate, but when I showed them all the messages and screenshots, they finally backed me up. Now, they’re furious with my sister, especially since she’s still spreading lies about me.
I also reached out to CPS preemptively to let them know about the situation, just in case she tried anything. They assured me there was no issue as long as my baby was safe and well cared for — which he absolutely is.
As of now, I’ve cut my sister out of my life completely. She’s still telling anyone who will listen that I’m “selfish” and “ruining her life,” but I’m done engaging. My focus is on my son, who’s happy, healthy, and exactly where he belongs.
Thanks again for the support — it gave me the confidence to stand my ground. For anyone else dealing with entitled family members, trust your instincts and protect your peace.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
Move forward with a restraining order. This is not done.
No child should be subjected to that kind of unhinged, delusional and selfish behaviour. I guarantee she has a ‘perfect’ life planned out for her future baby (no matter who she has to rip the child from) and will emotionally/mentally abuse them for daring to deviate from her picture perfect parenthood fantasy.
That woman isn’t safe. Her enabling husband feeding her delusion only makes her more dangerous. Congrats on taking defensive measures, keep documenting, hold her accountable when she continues to escalate. Understand that every milestone (first holiday, first birthday, first everything) is going to be a trigger for this woman.
If you’re able to, set up a second social media account that’s set exclusively to private if you really need to post anything to your friends/family regarding baby. Make sure sister has no access to that account, ever. Preemptively block her. Keep your primary account active to monitor her slander as evidence she’s been consistent in her harassment (or continuing to escalate).
Get door cameras in case she shows up again. Triple check if you’re using baby cams to ensure no one else can access the live video feed. Change your WiFi password in case you ever have your sister access to your network (because a lot of baby monitoring things these days connect via the home WiFi).
If sister has ever had access to your house keys, change the locks. It may seem paranoid and over the top, but if you get it all done now then you’ll have peace of mind, with no fear of any regrets should she try something. Good luck.