'AITA for refusing to let my 'golden child' sister borrow my car for her wedding?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to let my 'golden child' sister borrow my car for her wedding?"
I (28F) My sister (26F) is getting married next month. She's always been the "golden child" in our family, and I've often felt overlooked. Recently, she asked to borrow my car for her wedding day. It's a vintage 1965 Mustang that I've spent years restoring.
Here's the thing: I don't trust her with it. When we were younger, she borrowed my things without asking and often returned them damaged. Plus, she and her fiancé are known for partying hard.
I told her no, explaining that the car means a lot to me and I'm not comfortable with anyone else driving it. She burst into tears, calling me selfish and saying I'm trying to ruin her "perfect day." Our parents are now pressuring me to let her use the car, saying it's "just for one day" and that I should "stop being difficult."
I feel bad for upsetting her, but I don't think I'm wrong for wanting to protect something I've invested so much time and money into. AITA for refusing to let my sister borrow my car for her wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP after the initial post:
NTA. There are rental services, who have the appropriate insurance, for events such as this.
No. Never. Vintage Mustang? She must be nuts. Stick to your guns. NTA.
NTA but this doesn’t make any sense. Why would your family pull funding, and even more crazy how are your relatives on their side? Someone is not telling you the whole story. You need to get the truth out of them.
Worth_Teacher9145 OP responded:
Yeah, its just weird, they were very onboard and supportive, now a sudden change?
And if they keep pushing with it and you just can't be arsed to fight.. it is so unfortunate your car now suddenly stopped running and you have no idea why! And even if you do it's gonna take at least a month for the spare part to arrive. Oh, what a shame.
NTA at all. I'm very picky who I loan my stuff out to. I would never.
Worth_Teacher9145 OPI responed:
Thank you. And thanks to everyone else who commented. It is really helping me realise.
The next day OP came back with this update:
Thanks to everyone who responded to my original post. I appreciated the feedback and support. I wanted to give an update on the situation.
After careful consideration, I stood firm in my decision and told my sister that I wouldn't be lending her my vintage Mustang for her wedding. I explained my reasons calmly and offered to help her find a suitable alternative for her big day.
Unfortunately, things have escalated since then. Here's what's been happening:
1. My sister has been posting passive-aggressive comments on social media, hinting at how "some people" don't understand the importance of family.
2. She's enlisted our extended family members to guilt-trip me. I've received countless calls and messages urging me to "do the right thing."
3. Yesterday, I discovered she told our grandparents that I promised her the car and then went back on my word, which is completely untrue.
4. This morning, I found out she's been telling her friends that I'm jealous of her happiness and trying to sabotage her wedding.
5. Our parents are now threatening to reduce my inheritance if I don't "stop being selfish" and lend her the car.
The whole situation has become incredibly stressful. I'm starting to question if I should just give in to keep the peace, but I'm also angry at how she's manipulating everyone. I'm torn between standing my ground and trying to salvage my relationship with my family. Any advice on how to handle this moving forward would be appreciated.
OP also posted this separate post, claiming it's unrelated:
"AITA for refusing to cancel my wedding after my family suddenly wants to withdraw funding?"
I (28F) am engaged to my fiancé (30M), and we've been planning our wedding for the past year. My family, particularly my parents, offered to pay for the majority of the wedding expenses as their gift to us. We were grateful and accepted their offer.
Everything was going smoothly until last week when my parents dropped a bombshell. They told me they wanted to cancel the wedding and withdraw all funding. Their reason? They said they've had a "change of heart" and no longer think it's a good investment. They didn't provide any specific concerns about my relationship or my fiancé.
I was shocked and hurt. We're only two months away from the wedding date, and most of the vendors have already been paid. Canceling now would mean losing thousands in deposits and disappointing all our guests who have made travel arrangements.
I told my parents that I refuse to cancel the wedding. My fiancé and I are scrambling to figure out how to cover the remaining expenses ourselves. It'll be tough, but we're determined to make it work.
My family is furious. They're calling me ungrateful and accusing me of caring more about a "party" than their wishes. Some relatives are taking their side and pressuring me to just give in and cancel.
I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I really the asshole for wanting to go through with my wedding despite my family's sudden change of heart? AITA?
Edit from OP:
People are wondering if the reason my wedding money is not being funded anymore is related to this? The answer is no as they did this before the car issue. I just posted the car issue first.
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update, and after some people read the other post:
Why aren’t you bringing up the fact your parents are trying to make you cancel your own wedding because they don’t want to pay for it? How are these two major issues not tied together or mentioned in each post?
Worth_Teacher9145 OP responded:
Honestly I don't fully understand how to link them, and thought they would already be linked via my account somehow.
They are. I can click your name and see all your posts. I’m just curious why you aren’t even mentioning that in this post. Seems like it would get you better advice if you put the whole story in your post.
Is your decision to not lend her your car the same reason your parents are pulling back on paying for the rest of your wedding happening in 2 months, per your other post?
Are these the same parents that demand you lend your mustang to your sister for her wedding?
Worth_Teacher9145 OP responded:
Yes.
Cut them off. Get your car far away from them and lock it in a secure garage.
Yikes, it sounds like your sister's handling this situation really poorly. You're not being selfish or unreasonable by protecting your prized possession, and it's not fair for her to manipulate and guilt-trip you like this.
Stay strong and try to communicate calmly with your family about your reasons. If they can't respect your decision, it might be time to distance yourself from the drama until things cool down.
NTA. Ungrateful? Ungrateful for what??? They are pissed off because they thought they could control the narrative and force you to cancel, and you & fiancé outwitted them. Have a great wedding!