'AITA for not wanting to speak to my biological parents who gave me up for adoption?'
"AITA for not wanting to speak to my biological parents who gave me up for adoption?"
I (18F) was adopted when I was just a few months old. My adoptive parents have always been open with me about my adoption, and they've been nothing but loving and supportive my entire life. I never really had any interest in finding out who my biological parents were. To me, my adoptive parents are my real parents, and I’ve never felt like anything was missing.
However, last month, just before my 18th birthday, I received a letter from my biological parents. In it, they explained how they were young and not ready to be parents when I was born.
They said they’d always regretted giving me up but believed it was the right decision at the time. They also wrote that they had been waiting for me to turn 18 to reach out, hoping I’d be ready to meet them and build a relationship.
When I read the letter, I felt nothing but anger. I understand that they were young and scared, but it feels wrong that they now want to be a part of my life just because I’m an adult. Where were they all these years? It feels like they’re trying to swoop in now that the hard part is over.
My adoptive parents have been incredibly supportive. They said it’s entirely up to me whether or not I want to meet my biological parents. They even offered to be there if I decide to meet them. But honestly, I don’t want to. I feel like my life is complete as it is, and I don’t owe them anything just because they’re my biological parents.
I told them in a letter that I’m not interested in meeting or having a relationship with them. They responded with another letter, saying they understood but hoped I’d change my mind in the future. They even sent me a gift for my birthday, which I haven’t opened because it feels weird to accept something from people I don’t know.
Now, some of my friends are saying I’m being too harsh. They think I should at least hear them out because they might have changed and genuinely want to get to know me. They say I might regret it later if I cut them off completely. But I’m just not sure if I care enough to take that risk.
AITA for refusing to speak to my biological parents and potentially shutting the door on any future relationship with them?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Nah, as someone who was given up for adoption, there's only one reason to talk to the biologicals. If you want to. Not any sympathy for them, or your friends saying you should. Only if and when you want to. No one but you gets a say. NTA
OkGrade4711 OP responded:
Thanks for your support.
NTA it's your choice on if you want contact or not.
I was also given up for adoption but at birth bc my birth mom was only 18 and I'm incredibly glad she did. I had a life I never would have been able to have had she kept me, opportunities that she could never have provided. I met her a few times but am now NC with her bc I learned she was an abusive alcoholic to my siblings that she had when she was older.
Unless your friends are adopted they do not get an opinion on this.
OkGrade4711 OP responded:
Thanks
NTA because this situation is not of your choosing. They opened a door, you closed it. I can guarantee you that you can reopen that door anytime in the future if you change your mind.
OkGrade4711 OP responded:
Thank you !!!