'AITA for telling my roommate that I refuse to pay 50% of the rent now that her boyfriend has moved in?'
"AITA for telling my roommate that I refuse to pay 50% of the rent now that her boyfriend has moved in?"
I've been living with my roommate for almost 3 years. We get along pretty ok. We both keep the shared spaces clean and sometimes we cook together and watch tv in the evening.
Other than that, we don't have a whole lot in common. I moved into the house and met her for the first time because a friend of a friend knew I was interested in moving and introduced us.
About 4 months ago this all changed. She's started dating a new guy and even though he has his own place, I see him here all the time. Practically every day. Sometimes I'll come home from work and he'll have let himself in even though she's not home. So I think he basically has moved in.
To be honest, I don't really like the guy. He teaches kindergartens and he uses this specific voice on me like he's talking to really little kids. I think he's very condescending. I've also caught him using my pots and pans to make food. Even though he cleans them. I didn't say he could use them.
Anyway, I had an argument about a week ago about the rent. I've noticed our utility bills have increased and it's definitely because of this guy! In the past I give her cash for my share and then she Zelles the landlord.
This month I only gave her 33% and she flipped OUT. I said get the other third from your boyfriend because he lives here. I don't think I should pay half anymore. She said that because he lives in her room that he could consider kicking in for her rent but not mine. She said that she might sue me because I owe more rent but I don't think so. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Check with your landlord about people not on the lease living there. The majority don't allow it. Her argument that he lives in her room doesn't hold water because he's using the common areas and coming in the apartment when she's not there which compromises your privacy.
Given that he doesn't have his own room I think 40% YOU and 60% THEM would be a fair split. She might think she can "sue" you but if her bf is an illegal tenant the landlord can evict them.
The rent isn’t about the room - it’s about the sharing of an entire home with other people. You shouldn’t have to live around ANOTHER person which requires all kinds of accommodating and sharing without that person reducing your rent expense.
If one room is much larger with a private bath, etc. then that does come into play via the amount of rent. He needs to pay a portion of the full rent not a portion of hers.
How many days/nights is he staying? if its more than 2-3 nights a week he needs to pay rent, not spilt hers, 1/3. If its less than that and you just dont like him then ehhhhhh still NTA but borderline. Also check your lease, overnight guests/sub letting/visitors policy.
SneakyPlatypus3548 (OP)
I don't think the landlord knows about him. He lives nearby but he doesn't come to the house very frequently. If I tell him, could he throw this guy out? I just don't know why she can't stay at his place once in awhile.
If you signed a lease, then you have rights over her BF. Usually, leases will have a part about people not staying more than X amount of days in X amount of time. If he going over that, she's in violation of her lease agreement.
If he has a key, spends more than one night or two there per week using the utilities like water and electricity, he's moved in. Landlords typically don't allow anyone to copy keys to give out. Your roomate is overstepping big time.
Did you have a conversation with the roommate about her bf before changing the rent split? She shouldn't have given him the keys without asking you, but you need to bring up your concerns like an adult. She might not even know that him being around bothers you.
If you don't have anything about who pays how much rent and the terms of the roommate agreement in writing, you are both AHs to yourselves. Perhaps you will both learn. For now all you can do is have adult conversations about problem solving. Personally, I would be more pissed that someone else has a key to my living space without my consent.
SneakyPlatypus3548 (OP)
Seriously!!! When I came home and he was there, he like totally scared me!
NTA! I hate it when roommates pull this stunt and expect the single roommate to pay the rent and other higher bills for their partner smh.
I’d say “oh you wanna talk legal, how about you violating the lease because the amount of time he spends here far exceeds our leases overnight guest rules. The rent I’m paying is for a two person living situation.
Having another person here takes up space, adds to our utilities, and doesn’t make this feel like a private space I can call home anymore when there’s people I didn’t sign up to live here constantly.”
NTA, but this roommate situation will only get worse now. If I were you, I'd seek other accommodations quickly and not renew the lease. Tell her you won't be renewing and will be looking elsewhere.
In whose name is the lease, hers, yours or both? Start planning now. If you have to eat a little $$ to get away from this situation, then do it. There's no peace living with angry salty people.
Also, lock up your personal kitchen stuff so you're the only one who can use it. You're lucky they haven't ruined them by accident; now, you need to worry about it happening on purpose.
With your next roommate, yall need to agree in advance about visitors - who, when, where and how long - and that visitors don't have community privileges, get a key, be there on their own, or any surprises. You can add to that list. Good luck!