'AITA for refusing to wear a fake engagement ring on my family vacation?'

"WIBTA if I refuse to wear a fake engagement ring on a family vacation?"

Hi everyone! So to get into it I (24F) have been wanting to move to Australia. I love reptiles and since watching “72 most dangerous animals Australia” when I was 12 i have wanted to go. I want to be a herpetologist, but before i move and commit my life to being far away from home my family agreed to go one a month long vacation to truly experience the life with me.

This is wonderful, but the issue arises because my boyfriend (25 M), lets call him Dan, asked me to wear a fake engagement ring while on said vacation with my family. For context, Dan fully supports me moving to Australia and has said he will come with me if I choose to do so. My issue is, Dan has not proposed.

We have talked about being married and having children, but he said it would be in the future just not right now as we both are not financially stable enough for it. He wants me to wear the ring because the area we are going on vacation is where I want to live and he “doesnt want to locals to think they have a chance”. I told him they wont think that but he is insisting on the ring.

Tonight we were watching the MLB Wildcard series (go Red Sox) and I brought up how excited I am for my trip and Dan said “wait I have something for your trip” and runs to our room and brings out a HUGE ring (bigger than what I want in the future). i told him i do not want to wear the ring because we are not engaged and we got into an argument.

This turned into him sleeping on the couch and his mother texting me telling me “its not a big deal if it makes him more comfortable”. I love Dan, more than anything, and i do want to marry him, but I feel like putting on a ring before actually having a ring is gross? I feel like im in the wrong because his family doesnt see it as a big deal and are telling me its not a big deal, while i am making it that.

I really don't want to fight over this, so do i just suck it up and put on the fake ring and try to explain it to my family, or WIBTAH if i just refused to wear the fake ring? Side note: I haven't told my family or friends about this because they LOVE Dan, to the point my father calls him son and my mom texts him a good amount.

I don't want to ruin their relationship, but im not sure how to navigate this. I also don't want to rush him into an engagement over this, he deserves to take his time but this whole situation seems weird.

This is what people had to say to OP:

125541215 said:

He is a cheater most likely otherwise why would he be so worried?

OP responded:

i dont think he has cheated, but maybe im over looking something?? he does have a girl best friend, but i have a boy best friend who used to play minecraft with me growing up so maybe their dynamic is different than mine and i overlooked it? idk if im being paranoid now but this is a good point to add to WHY he doesnt trust me?

bloodcached said:

NTA. An engagement ring symbolizes that you're engaged. The fake engagement ring symbolizes that he doesn't trust you.

Current_Confusion443 responded:

This is it. But how presumptuous of him. Then getting his MOM to call you??? OMG. Tell him sorry, not gonna wear a fake ring. What would you tell your family? I don't know about this guy...

OP responded:

THANK YOU. i never responded to his mom but shes still texting me asking “why i cant just do this little thing” but its not little to me. i hate he brought his family into it when i have refused to tell my family because of their relationship to him. its crazy to see how i care about his relationship, but he clearly doesnt care about mine.

Your_Daddy_1972 said:

NTA. If he wants you to wear an engagement ring, there's an obvious way to make that happen.

OP responded:

THIS. im okay with a LONG engagement, but this seems like a stretch to me.

greyhounds4life1969 said:

NTA, there's two huge red flags here:

1: His controlling behaviour and his insecurity

2: Running to Mummy to get her on his side.

Are you sure you want a relationship with a controlling, insecure man baby?

OP responded:

he never brought his mom into ANYTHING until now. we’ve had petty arguments, but this being our first one and his mom blowing up my phone is scaring me

OhMorgoth said:

NTA. He wants you to wear a ring because he is insecure because “he doesn’t want locals to think they have a chance.” I think this goes way deeper than just being safe. Red flag. 🚩

And OP responded:

I don't want to break up with him. i really don't i love him so much. i guess i don't know how to bring up his insecurities without attacking him?