'AITA if I refused to shave my armpits for my friend's wedding?'
"AITA if I refused to shave my armpits for my friend's wedding?"
BACKGROUND: So I (26f) stopped shaving my armpits a few years ago and found that I greatly prefer not having bald armpits. I'm a sweaty person, and having hair prevents my pits from getting swampy and sweating off every single deodorant/antiperspirant known to mankind.
I also have sensitive skin and get horrible rashes and razor burn from shaving. My decision to not shave my armpits is primarily personal, but I am aware that it is going against a societal/gender norm, and is therefore inherently political or subject to being politicized. Under no circumstances though am I refusing to shave solely to make a political statement.
ISSUE: My friends are getting married next summer, and they've invited me to their wedding. It's also a destination wedding, and many of the wedding party events will involve wearing a swimsuit or clothes that expose my armpit hair, as it will be summer in Mexico.
I asked about dress codes for the various events, and both the bride and groom said they won't be strict about dress codes as long as everyone is "well groomed."
I figured I knew what that meant considering I do work a professional job, but then they took this conversation as an opportunity to warn me that some other wedding guests may be uncomfortable with the fact I don't shave.
I reminded them that they invited me to this wedding with the full knowledge that I don't shave my armpits, as it's not exactly a secret. They said that they assumed I shaved for special events where I needed to "look presentable."
I said I always look presentable for special occasions and that shaving my armpits has nothing to do with it. If people take issue with it, then that's their problem. Now they are accusing me of trying to take attention away from their wedding by making a political statement.
I told them I'm not doing that at all and that I don't shave because its a personal preference, but ultimately got a "whatever you say" as a response. They have not at this point said I cant go if I don't shave, so I'm planning on going and not shaving. AITA for doing that?
Again, they know I don't shave and haven't for years. I wasn't even thinking about my armpit hair until they brought it up. I even said I can trim it a little and they said "it would still be very distracting."
I've also explained to them my skin sensitivity, but they seem dead set on believing I dont shave to make a statement. They've said "well you're a feminist so there's no way it's not a political statement." They're making me feel like an AH, that's for sure, but am I REALLY the AH?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
If this couple are so boring that your body hair would be the "center of attention" at their wedding, that sounds like a Them problem.
Yeah I really don't see how someone's armpit hair could be that distracting?? I have some family members with really thick, dark arm and foot hair and its like "ha ha look at how hairy your feet are" and then everyone moves on with their lives. If they think a woman with visible armpit hair would be that big of a deal it says a lot more about them/their other wedding guests than is does about you.
I'm really put off by under arm hair on women. I simultaneously know that there is no logical reason for me to feel that way and I should keep my stupid opinion to myself. If I don't like seeing it I can do something radical like shift my eyes three feet to the left. I wouldn't ask the person to go shave. NTA.
Info: Are they also concerned with men's chest or belly or back hair? Pubes poking out of bathing suits? Dry feet and toenails visible at the beach? These are all grooming issues that people might complain about.
Exactly this. I hate having to look at men’s hairy stomachs and backs. It gives me the super ick. I do know a lot of men shave/wax their hairy back. I would ask if they’re going to require men to shave their back and chest.
I kind of get the feeling I will be downvoted for this, but no NTA if you went without shaving. I just honestly have thought it was so weird how people try to dictate other people’s body parts.
For myself, I shave when I feel like it; sometimes I will sometimes I won’t. I would never comment on someone else. Because like… it’s just quite frankly none of my business?? lol. Never understood why men are allowed to not shave but we have to. These people sound weird for even bringing it up.
I would genuinely reconsider my friendship with someone if they organically brought up my visible armpit hair and “being a feminist” as a negative. Bummer. Would be nice to go to a destination wedding. I swear to god. Victorian women didn’t shave their armpits. We haven’t even been doing this for that long. 4 generations, 5 max?
Context: I stopped shaving my armpits regularly but will do it when the mood strikes me or when I don’t want to deal with more conservative people at an event. I hang out with a liberal friend circle and watch queer-coded media to the point where I forget this is still a really big deal to a lot of people.
I don’t think you’ll be a Bad Feminist for shaving for one event, but now that you know it’s so important to them, do you even want to go? They sound like it’s a big deal to them.