'AITA for refusing a marriage contract that gives my spouse a percentage of my income?'

"AITAH for refusing a marriage contract that gives my spouse a percentage of my income?"

I'm a 30 year old man, and I was dating a 27 year old woman who lived in a neighboring town. We dated for three months, and it was going incredibly well. We spent Christmas together, we planned a trip to Canada for next month, we had deep and agreeable conversations about our values and our future plans, etc.

Then, we had a late night video call on Saturday. She had a propensity for being very anxious about the future of our relationship while we were apart, but it was something that we were able to work through each time and I felt like I could live with it.

This time, the conversation turned to a list of non-negotiables she had written out that were mandatory for her in a relationship. She had brought this up before and I thought it was strange, but the list was pretty reasonable and it worked for her so I didn't worry about it.

Well, she decided to add another item to the list: In the event that she got married, her husband would have to sign a legal document requiring him to give her a percentage of his income. She asked me if I would do that, and I told her that I didn't think I would want to.

My resistance to it turned into an argument that lasted for several days over the phone. She sent me paragraphs of explanations about how her experience working as a paralegal, her upbringing in a single income home in the Phillipines, her status as a woman and her trauma over her last relationship led her to the conclusion that she wanted guaranteed income from her spouse.

She believed that she would never trust a man to want to provide for her, and that she would never settle for anything less than a contract that obligates him to. She would not compromise on this, and it even came down to me being given an ultimatum - I verbally agree that I would sign this contract now, or she would find another man who would.

Let me outline my perspective: I'm three months into a relationship and my partner is demanding that I agree to a bizarre, legally-binding document that would affect my finances for the rest of my life. I expressed that I was not comfortable with doing that, but she wouldn't let it go.

So, even though our relationship had been wonderful up to this point, she ends up breaking up with me over this yesterday. She accused me of trying to manipulate her into settling for something less than what she wanted.

She said that I triggered her memories of her last relationship where she made excuses for her partner who didn't put in any effort and deflected her issues when she tried to voice them to him. She felt like my failure to agree to her contract was a sign that I wouldn't consistently support her needs in the future, and that I didn't care enough about her to make her feel safe.

She was adamant that what she was asking is totally reasonable, and my unwillingness to accept it was unacceptable for her - enough so that it was 100% grounds enough to end our relationship. So, AITAH for not agreeing to her contract?

Edit after seeing these questions asked a lot: She indicated that in a marriage, she wanted to work less. Right now she works remotely doing paralegal work, but has another job she does in-person that allows her to do her paralegal stuff when there's downtime.

I got the impression she would want to continue doing remote work, and that her career was important to her. She also doesn't want to have kids or make any compromises affecting her career. Writing this out and reading your responses is helping me realize that I'm glad I'm no longer involved. Thank you.

This is what people had to say to OP:

ProfessorDistinct835 said:

NTA. I don't think there is a lawyer alive who would advise you to sign that kind of pre-nuptial agreement. And, by the way, in many states both parties need representation for a prenup to be binding anyway.

You don't have to pay for her trauma. Having this conversation 3 months in is bizarre, but she did you a favor in that you didn't waste more time.

Due_Challenge_1777 said:

NTA .. this is a huge red flag on her part. Three months and she wants you to sign away future income? Just no. I think she's looking for a financial life guarantee not a partnership. Red flags all over the place here. I'm a woman too.

Patrickosplayhouse said:

Nta, of course. And glad she didnt wait too long to chase you away.

And vita77 said:

I’ve never trusted a man to provide for me either. The difference is that I insist on making my own money so I never have to. Run.