'AITA for refusing to allow my sister to wear our late mother's jewelry?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to allow my sister to wear our late mother's jewelry?"

I (23F) and my sister "Abby" (20F) have always had a bumpy relationship throughout our childhood. After our mother's death 2 years ago, we have grown a bit closer. She didn't leave a will, but our Dad gave me her jewelry because I wear jewelry every day and have always loved jewelry, especially our mother's jewelry.

My sister never wears jewelry because she doesn't find it comfortable, so she always takes it off within an hour. She is also prone to losing things because she sets them down and forgets where she puts them. We would have to wait for her before we could leave the house because she would constantly forget where she had placed things. I would carry her phone and wallet in my purse cause she doesn't carry one.

Next week, she's going to a destination wedding, and she is asking for some of our mother's jewelry to take on the trip. I said no and explained why. She took offense and told me, "She's my mother too, you can't gate-keep HER jewelry."

I told her that I'm not gatekeeping and that I don't want to lose her jewelry. I don't even wear the jewelry a lot because I don't want to lose it. Our dad thinks I should just give it to her to keep the peace, some friends of ours think that I'm not an AH because she does, in fact, lose the smallest of things. So AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

WhoFearsDeath said:

I think your dad is the AH here. He should have never given it all to you and excluded her from it. The right thing to do here is redistribute and split at least some of it with her, but with the understanding that if she loses it that was her responsibility and she isn't going to be able to borrow your pieces. I'm going to say NAH because you and your sister aren't AH, but your Dad is.

StuffNThings100 said:

So you got the jewelry because you wear jewelry and she doesn't. But now you say that you barely wear the jewelry? YTA. It should have been split between both of you.

GardeniaFrangipani said:

YTA and so is your dad. Your sister is as entitled to your mother’s jewelry as you are. You should redistribute it to give her a fair share. She might not wear it much, but then neither do you. She also could have daughters in the future. ETA: How would you have felt if she got it all?

shhshhhhshhhhhh said:

YTA. After reading the comments by OP, they seem to think their sister has no claim to the jewelry. They have provided only poor arguments to explain why they think this is legitimate (she will lose is, she doesn’t wear jewelry, she got clothes & scrapbooks). It’s insane to me to exclude your sister from inheriting 50% of your mother’s jewelry.

AntiquePop1417 said:

Yeah YTA and your dad too. And you ARE gatekeeping it and acting like you are in control. You are not in control, it was her mom too. Work on solutions, don't teach yourself how to become this monster who claims she has the right to choose as she wants.

rememberimapersontoo said:

YTA you should GIVE her some of it it’s creepy to hoard it all as if her being forgetful means she shouldn’t have her share of your mother's memory.

UPDATE:

First of I would like to clarify some things said, my sister DOES NOT like jewelry, she does not wear it, she REFUSES to wear it. She only asked for them for a destination wedding for pictures. She PICKED OUT the clothes, I PICKED OUT the jewelry.

She has no problem with me having the jewelry, she'd rather me have the jewelry because she doesn't want to keep them. She wanted to BARROW them for the wedding, but I said no because I was afraid of her losing them. With that being said.

I love my sister, my dad loves my sister. That's why he got the clothes, because she takes care of the things she likes, like clothing. I talked to my sister, since there is a decent amount of jewelry. Some she rarely wore, and some she wore all the time, like a wedding/engagement ring, along with two cross necklaces.

I talk to my sister, I apologized for reacting the way I did. She accepted my apology and laughed it of because she. in her words, "has the mind of a fish, so I understand why you reacted the way you did" she then explained she was thinking of only wearing them for the ceremony and pictures, so she most likely take them off for the rest of the day. So I agreed to give her a little jewelry bag she can put the jewelry in, and put the bag in her purse so she won't lose it.

I gave her some pieces for the wedding, we went through them and picked out the jewelry that goes with the bridesmaid's dress. It was a good bonding time as we drank some coffee and went back on some memories of our childhood and our mother.

I gave her an old jewelry box of mine, and she said she was thinking of only wearing them for the ceremony and pictures, so she will carry the box in her car and put them in the box after the ceremony and pictures.

I also gave her one of the cross necklaces. She said she'll put it in her car, since she won't wear it, she said she will hang it on her rearview mirror she she can look at and think of her while driving. We both said it would be like a sister's necklaces to remember her by.

Here's what people had to say about the update:

Pollythepony1993 said:

I am so happy you two worked it out in such a positive and healthy way. As a mother myself I know this is what I would want for my children growing up (they are still tiny now). Conflicts are going to happen in relationships but how you resolve those conflicts will tell you what kind of person you really are.

StatisticianNo5055 said:

While I love how this all worked out, I do have some words of caution. Maybe have your sister rethink hanging the cross necklace in her vehicle. While it seems like a good idea, I did this with a silver urn necklace that held my friends ashes, and it took less than a month for someone to break into my car and steal it. I'd hate for your sister to learn this lesson the hard way like I did. Just food for thought.

HedgieTwiggles said:

I haven’t read the original, but it sounds like things settled well. I’m happy for you and your family.

togambol said:

OP, kudos to you for coming to a mutually beneficial and kind, reasonable decision. I was kinda on the fence when I read your original post last night (thinking she had the right to wear the jewelry, but also understanding that you didn’t want anything to happen to it), and I’m so glad you two got it figured out.