'AITA for refusing to be around my fiancé’s sister, even after we get married?' 'She started SCREAMING.'

"AITA for refusing to be around my fiancé’s sister, even after we get married?"

I (40M) have been with my fiancé (35M) for five years, and we’re getting married soon. The issue? I don’t want his sister at our wedding, but after a long discussion, I agreed to take the high road and let her come. Now, my fiancé expects me to participate in family events with her after we’re married, and I just can’t do it.

For context, his sister has been openly rude to me since we first met. Some examples: The very first time we met, she made passive-aggressive comments about the way I dressed. I let it slide.

At a family Christmas party, she suddenly accused me—out of nowhere—of hitting on her boyfriend. She started crying and screaming, while the rest of the family laughed it off. I was completely blindsided.

Her best friend had a birthday party and invited everyone in the family—except me. Keep in mind, I had spent holidays with this group, including the best friend. My fiancé’s sister personally told him that he was invited but not me, saying, "Don't hate me, I’m just the messenger."

She’s generally an unpleasant person, the type who would berate a server over a minor mistake and not think twice about it. I try to surround myself with positivity, and she is the complete opposite. My fiancé knows this and even agreed at one point that I didn’t have to be around her. But now that we’re getting married, he’s suddenly pushing for me to "forgive and forget" and fully participate in family events where she’ll be present.

I told him I can tolerate her at the wedding, but I won’t actively engage with her beyond that. He insists that I need to move past it for the sake of family. I don’t think I can. AITA for standing my ground? Any advice?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Pookie1688 said:

Your fiancé went back on his word & will keep pushing you to engage with her. Rethink this very carefully.

armadillocan said:

NTA, sounds like your done getting pushed around. Your finance should be backing you up not pressuring you.

Odd_Outsider said:

DO. NOT. MARRY. HIM. He is not respecting you. And you will have his psycho sister in your life forever.

Scarryfish said:

NTA. Are you sure you want to marry this man and into his family with his horridb sister. Your not even married yet and hrs trying to force you to forgive and forget his shitty ass of a sister.

He should be talking to his sister and telling her to stop disrespecting you. Please reconsider this marriage, your ex fiance sounds like an AH just like his sister. He's always going tov pick his sister's side over you. Look at how he's behaving. It's not changing. Please get out of this relationship.

chickenwingw5 said:

If my partner didn’t defend me in any of these scenarios there wouldn’t even be a wedding day in the first place. NTA.

Nadina89019374682 said:

I don’t get along with my SIL. She’s evil. But my husband family is big enough that I can avoid her in family situations and I set boundaries and only attend a couple. I totally get not wanting to be around her My husband is supportive as he’s seen the abuse I’ve copped over the passed 14 years NTA.

ThatBChauncey said:

NTA, but there are several red flags here OP. It was definitely a mistake to bend on allowing her at the wedding. A wedding you need to put on pause until you and fiance are on the same page. Like everyone has said, you don't have a SIL problem, you have a fiance problem.