'AITA for refusing to ask my parents a lift to go see my in-laws during New Years?'
"AITA for refusing to ask my parents a lift to go see my in-laws during New Years?"
I (32F) and my husband (35M) live in a big city. We recently had a baby this summer and our respective families don't live near us. My parents lives about a 45 minutes drives on the north shore and my sister (Virginia and her husband Sean) are an hour and 45 minutes in that same direction.
So basically we go to my parent's house for Christmas. For other occasions, they either come to my apartment or they come get us with the baby and drive us to their house which is my childhood home.
Neither me or my husband have a license for driving a car and it's never been an issue before since we live in a big city with easy access to everything by walking or public transport. My husband's family live a lot further. His sister (let's call her Jeannine)is about two hours and a half drives and his Mom(MIL) is even further about 3hrs away from us. My husband lives in this city for more than a decade now...
So the plan for the holidays is on Christmas day my parents are gonna drive to my house get me my DH and LO and drives back at their house for Christmas lunch (because baby is asleep at dinner time and they want to see her and open gifts and all).
Virginia & Sean will be there also and later in the afternoon my parents will drives us back with the baby and all the gifts that we have to bring back...they don't mind offering lifts and they understand it's easier for me that way.
My mom used to travel a lot in the city for her job so she knows the street very good and since she's been sick a lot the last 2-3 years she doesn't drive anymore but since my dad is really bad with orientation skills she's the co-pilot and they're okay if they know where to go because they're way too old and don't use gps in any way. They usually check the road before leaving anywhere or they go somewhere familiar.
So the plan for new year would be going into my husband's family and since they live far away we plan on staying at Jeannine's house with her partner and 11yo son. They will host a big party on the 31st for new year so we will be staying around the 30th through the 1st maybe the 2nd of January. I thought Jeannine would come and drives us back and forth like she did a couple months ago.
But my husband asked me if I could ask my parents for a lift from them to go see my in-laws. It would take them at least 3 hours to come to us pick us up drives there and 3 hours going back at their house meanwhile they don't have anywhere to visit in that area or to do at my in-laws they are not invited for the party whatsoever.
My husband says that's it's unfair that my family lives closer to us than his and he doesn't see any harm at asking my elderly parents for a 6 hour drive to my in-laws? AITA for even refusing to ask my family for a lift because it's an insane amount of time for a courtesy drives to go somewhere they don't have to be or aren't invited? Also why do I have a feeling it's not his idea? So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
DropstoneTed wrote:
YTA for being adults in your 30s with a child and still dependent on public transport or bumming rides. Get your license already.
SlinkyMalinky20 wrote:
That’s too much to ask either of your parents to do. You guys are adults and should be responsible for arranging your own transportation without inconveniencing everyone. YTA but not for the reason you asked.
Superb_being_1179 wrote:
What the heck? Asking elderly in-laws for a 3 hour ride (each direction) when they are not invited is embarrassing and inconsiderate. I'm amazed your family helps drive you back and forth for your family’s gatherings and thats great but that does not mean they are obligated to drive you to your in-law’s that is absolutely not okay.
I would be so embarrassed to ask them for a ride and if I really had no other alternative but to ask them, I would pay for gas, snacks and a hotel so they don’t have to go back and forth.
Also, I understand not owning a car because you live in a big city and generally don’t need one, but you should still get a driver’s license so that you can rent a car for annual trips such as these. If your SIL is not willing to pick you up and drive you back, you’ll just have to tell them you can’t go and if in-law family really wants to see bay, they can visit you instead.
DrTeethPhd wrote:
ESH. Get a driver's license and rent a car. Both of you.
"My husband says that it's unfair that my family lives closer to us than his."
What kind of spoiled, entitled nonsense is this? If your husband is disappointed his family lives further away, he can have a conversation with them. It's not your family's responsibility to fix this.
Armadillo_of_doom wrote:
NTA for telling your husband that your parents are not ubers. But YTA for being at this age and both of you wanting to go places with other people doing all the work. Get a freaking license. Both of you. Rent a car when you need it.
Or take the dang bus. I don't care that you live in the city, this is your responsibility. If you're in a city like that, you should fly for those trips that are 3 hours away if you can't bring yourselves to be responsible for your driving. Ridiculous.