'AITA for refusing to attend my brother's wedding because of who he's marrying?'

"AITA for refusing to attend my brother's wedding because of who he's marrying?"

My (28F) brother Jake (31M) is getting married next month to his fiancée Sarah (29F). Here's the issue: Sarah used to be married to our cousin Mike (32M), and they had a really messy divorce two years ago that split our entire extended family.

During the divorce, Sarah accused Mike of some pretty serious things that were never proven, and she ended up with most of their assets. Mike's side of the family (including my aunt and uncle who helped raise us) completely cut her off and said she was manipulative.

Six months after the divorce was final, Jake and Sarah started dating. Jake claims they "reconnected" at a coffee shop, but the timing feels suspicious to everyone. Mike found out through social media and it destroyed him. He had a breakdown and had to take leave from work.

Now Jake's getting married and wants me to be a bridesmaid. My parents are going because "family comes first" but half our relatives are boycotting. Mike and his parents aren't invited, obviously, which means I have to choose between my brother's wedding and the uncle who basically raised me when dad was deployed overseas.

Jake says I'm being dramatic and that Mike's mental health isn't his responsibility. Sarah keeps texting me about dress fittings like nothing happened. Meanwhile, my cousin Mike is barely holding it together and seeing a therapist twice a week.

I told Jake I can't support a marriage that destroyed our family, and now my parents are furious, saying I'm "choosing sides over love." But I can't shake the feeling that this whole situation is wrong. Am I the ahole for skipping my own brother's wedding?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

burghgirl17 said:

It seems like you’re the one who IS caring for your family. NTA.

RoyallyOakie said:

NTA...This is a drama bomb. Stay away, but don't engage.

BlackCatBonanza said:

NTA. You’re choosing to support the injured party here against the people who devastated him. You’re doing the right thing. Also, your brother saying that he isn’t responsible for Mike’s mental health is appalling. It’s like punching someone in the face and then saying you’re not responsible for their broken nose.

Candid_Experience_87 said:

If you don’t agree with/support the wedding why would they even want you there? To try and impose a sense of normalcy? NTA - If family comes first that’s a strange mentality from the brother who is marrying his cousin’s ex. If you don’t want to be there don’t go.

LadyGrey_oftheAbyss said:

NTA - The simple fact is you are choosing family and your Brother has chosen a partner that has actively hurt your family. Your brother gets to choose his partner and you can choose to support that or not.

You have bad feelings towards his partner and that is ok and they should understand and accept its better for you not to go My suggestion is family therapy to figure out if you can still maintain a respectful relationship with boundaries.

ivylass said:

Well, your parents chose sides so why can't you? NTA. You do what gives you peace. Maybe take Mike out for a nice dinner or putt-putt golf on the day of the wedding.

catboogers said:

NTA. Jake should've known better. Saying that Mike's mental health isn't his responsibility is true, sure, but likewise, you are not required to attend any wedding, let alone one that will cause a lot of family tension. I'd say spend that day with Mike if possible.