'AITA for refusing to attend Christmas with my parent after she mismanaged $30k down to $534?'

"AITA for refusing to attend Christmas with my parent after she mismanaged $30,000 that was legally mine by 18 down to $534?"

I'll give some context. I, (18F) live in Alaska. Up here, we have yearly payouts that are called PFDs. These are just some of the profits from the oil companies giving money back to the residents, essentially. After turning 18, I wondered what every happened to my PFD money and started asking questions.

Questions, I asked, knowing that it would be (without increases from investments) about $30,000 by itself from age 1 to now. I had asked my parent about this situation and asked what my money had been used for. She stated that it was used for "Medical bills and stuff," but here is the thing.

I was double covered insurance wise and basically never had any left over bills which has been stated by her. She then said that indeed, the bills she mentioned was bills that weren't mine but she would "never use the money on stuff that didn't involve me."

She then went to my other parents and accused them of getting me on this topic like they were trying to turn me against her or something. Which I can say- is not the case at all. I was just simply curious where the funds went, as it would be nice start for me being a new adult.

She said money has always been tough for her and she had to use some of it for expenses but in the divorce decree from my parents it states she must replenish any funds used from my PFD payments. So, regardless, it shouldn't be completely gone. This post could be much longer, as our further conversation didn't end well. But I will end it here and I can answer more in the thread. But, AITA?

EDIT- (I also know my original post isn't that great info wise as there is more needed, more info I have inded provided within the comments.) I realize I left out some information and will make a TLDR about what the issue is.

It's not that I feel entitled to the money it is that legally she was supposed to do things with it that she didn't on top of then lying directly to me and others about the situation and not taking accountability.

She states it was used towards me specifically but this comes from a person with a wide history of impulse spending and a $20K collection of funko pops. So with that it is harder to believe and just feels as though I am being directly lied to.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

squirrel179 wrote:

PFD funds, like child support payments, are given to the parent to use at their discretion for the benefit of the child. Did you live with your parent? Did they pay the bills so that you had the things you needed? Were they off taking lavish vacations while leaving you home?

Did they buy themselves designer clothing while you never had weather appropriate clothes? As long as your parent was spending their money in a reasonable way to keep you safe and healthy, and gave you decent childhood opportunities, I don't know what you're mad about.

PFD funds aren't meant to be collected and dispensed to a kid on their 18th birthday. A parent might choose to do that, but it shouldn't be anyone's expectation. Using extra money to improve your lifestyle while growing up is a totally reasonable use of the funds.

OP responded:

It does indeed state otherwise in a way. It states that the used funds must be replenished and that a record shall be kept of the usage of such funds. Though she has done neither.

quick-ad-1694 wrote:

My family lived in Alaska for a year before my parents split up. That dividend isnt like an inheritance thats given to you when you turn 18. Your parents are more than welcome to spend the money as they see fit as long as your taken care of. If you grew up well cared for then get over it. You got your 30k in the form of a devent childhood and good memories.

OP responded:

Never said it was expected to be an inheritance per se. The issue is the court orders. She turned down financial support from family and she has a bad history of impulsive spending. All I really wanted was accountability in some way yet she seemingly lied to my face.

blackcherrytomato wrote:

NAH because you were given a poor explanation. I'm guessing groceries in Alaska aren't that much cheaper than in Canadian territories. My understanding is it's fairly common to be given money when living in Northern communities to help subsidize some of the difference of the HCOL it doesn't come close to making up for that.

You did deserve a better explanation than what you were given, plus I think you should have been taught earlier on that the money wasn't being saved me up for when you turned 18.

OP responded:

Well true. However there were a couple other people in our life who offered to support her and she turned it down out of pride when struggling.

Plus to the court order via the divorce. The funds were supposede to be replenished after use anyway.

evoslevven wrote:

I might be an outlier but semi-YTA in the sense that parents have discretion over its use and if it was used to improve a quality of life for everyone then thats fine.

Also I feel you left key info which adfs to the irritation such as: was money being squandered (ie. Gambling, lavish vacations or multiple luxuries like more than 1 vehicle when it wasnt neccesarry). These tend to be critical factors for understanding if money was used at least properly.

You can argue that it wasn't used wisely such as a bit of savings for school, trade or whatever but also financial literacy is something that ties into educational level and income bracket.

You can be an absolute dunce but at an income level where you can make piss poor decisions forever and you can be absolutely poor but have the appropriate education to understand interest, defaults and the consequences and the sort.

Frankly saying "mismanaged" also makes me feel prone to clumping you into that realm you accuse your mom of for not understanding finances as far as growing up and costs to raise a child and how PFDs are understood legally since you said "mismanaged."

Without added context that you didn't provide and admitted to, there weren't lavish vacations and such but your assumption that a parent works and doesn't touch a PFD means you were okay if they worked hard on your behalf as long as they didn't touch your PFD so you could use it as an adult.

Like not to be mean but if they were lower income bracket and werent monster parents, Id say money was used appropriately. Also if youre an only child, studd like this is why parents give their assets to everyone else but you.

Relevant-Drawings585 wrote:

Not an Alaskan, but I hate to be TA, but those funds are like what 1500 a year or something? Kids are expensive, and cost more than that per year to take care of. They get VERY expensive from 14-18, let me tell you how I know, and why I'm currently super broke. Sure, they could've put it in a college fund or something, but instead they used to I assume help take care of you.