AITA for refusing to attend my cousin's wedding? 'She picked an OBSCENE dress for my wife.' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to attend my cousin's wedding because she picked an obscene dress for my wife?"

My cousin is 27 and I am 28, my cousin and I am best friends, we have been in each other's life since we were 5, on my wedding she played a huge role to support me and she organized most of the events even though it costed me a fortune.

Now my cousin is getting married next month and we all were excited, especially me, I was so excited and wanted to do something special for her, I already bought a very expensive suit for her husband and bought a lot of jewelry for her, which I obviously wouldn't ask her to return.

But my cousin picked a revealing dress for my wife to wear on her wedding and she insisted that my wife should wear instead of our usual traditional clothes. When I saw my wife on that dress I didn't feel right, it was revealing to say the least, her chest and her legs was exposed, I flat out refused...

...And told my wife she's not going to wear it, my wife also said that she feels a bit uncomfortable but will wear it as her first experience and for my cousin. I told her she won't wear that crap then I told my cousin that the dress she picked for my wife is inappropriate in front of our family and our friends and others, she may pick a decent dress for my wife or better yet we will stick to our traditional outfit.

She said the dress she picked will suit my wife as she's gorgeous and it's not that revealing, and it's not like she would be naked and she laughed. I got angry when she said that so I told her that I won't attending her wedding. Now she and our family members are telling me that I am taking it too far, I should attend the wedding and help her like I have been helping her my whole life.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

melympia said:

YTA for deciding for your wife what she can and cannot wear. Controlling much?

Pristine-Passage-100 said:

YTA control freak.

meetmeinthe-moshpit- said:

Who the f are you to tell her what she can and can't wear. If you don't like the dress, then don't wear it, but you don't get to tell another adult what they can and cannot wear. She's not your child. You sound controlling and abusive.

_s1m0n_s3z said:

What does your wife want to wear? But as a general thing, you're free to skip the wedding for any reason at all and not be an ahole. Forbidding your wife from attending (if she wants to go) would be another thing, and that would make you TA.

I'd suggest that you compromise and both attend, wearing your own clothes, and completely ignoring any fuss that may arise in consequence. Your wife is not a doll to be dressed by anyone else. Not you, and not your cousin.

Plus_Win_5248 said:

NTA, 100% it's understandable to feel uncomfortable with the dress choice, but refusing to attend the wedding might be an overreaction consider discussing it calmly with your cousin to find a compromise that respects everyone's feelings.

KLG999 said:

It sounds like your cousin wants to embarrass you and your wife. NTA.

UPDATE:

So yesterday my wife came to me and told me that I should talk to my cousin and find a middle ground cause it's not worth breaking my relation with my cousin over a dress and I shouldn't be absent on her important day.

I told my wife that the dress she picked for her is obscene and it's not something you should wear in front of so many people it's like she's trying to humiliate her, she insisted I should talk to my cousin.

So I decided to go to my cousin and told her that I want to attended her wedding but the dress she picked for my wife is revealing and we are uncomfortable, either she should pick a better dress for her or we will wear want we want and if she refuses we won't attend. My cousin said it's not THAT revealing and it suits my wife and her friends will also wear something similar and she wants my wife by her side.

I refused I told her she won't, especially, not in front of our family and friends and other important guests, it is a question of dignity of my wife, I told her either she stops insisting that my wife wears that dress or we won't attend her wedding.

My cousin finally agreed and said we can wear whatever we want and forget this incident ever happened, I also agreed and told my wife and we decided to wear our traditional clothes but I feel uncomfortable maybe I am just being paranoid but I feel like she'll do something to stir up some trouble, I don't know if I really should attend her wedding.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

MusketeersPlus2 said:

The wife being uncomfortable in the dress is all we need to know. I don't have religious or cultural reasons to not wear a revealing dress, but I still wouldn't do it in front of my parents because I would be uncomfortable. That's really all that matters.

SubarcticFarmer said:

YTA. This entire post is about YOU and making all the decisions about what your wife is permitted to wear. Not once do you say anything to indicate she was unhappy with it too.

PedXing23 said:

YTA - "when my wife tried it I told her she's not going to wear that thing in front of family and friends and other important guests," Your wife should be the one deciding what is appropriate for her to wear. If anything it is between your wife and your cousin. Support your wife - don't dictate to her.

Pladohs_Ghost said:

YTA. I'm getting the vibe that you think you can decide for your wife what she will and won't wear. That automatically make you an AH. Your wife is the only person who gets to make that call.

Andromeda081 said:

YTA. It sounds like she tried on the dress and your cousin bought it, you saw it later and said no, but are now saying “WE are uncomfortable” like you don’t acknowledge that SHE is not YOU and has her own preferences as an individual and a human being.

You already got your (highly controlling and demanding) way, but it’s still not good enough and you’re convinced your cousin is going to come for you. Seek therapy.

hey_its_only_me said:

YTA. This reeks of you being super controlling. You never mention how your wife feels, but that you TOLD her the dress is too obscene. Based on the “traditional clothes," I’m guessing there’s missing context here though.